Well, it seems Satsuma is becoming drearily predictable. I ovulated on Saturday, day 19 of the cycle. I’ve ovulated between day 18 and 22 for the past seven cycles (and for quite a few cycles before that, too, interspersed with a few random very long and/or anovulatory cycles, just so I don’t relax or anything. Hmm. I take back the ‘dreary predictable’, in case she takes offence).
My next brisk and totally unwarranted jaunt through The Seventh Circle of Hell, Outer Circle (River of Blood and Fire), is therefore due on the 24th or 25th, a weekend I had plans for, damn it to buggery.
Of course, H and I have been having sex, lots and lots, yada yada yada, so the River of Blood and Fire has a 30% chance of being delayed for a few days, followed by utter psychological devastation.
No, I am not feeling in the least bit positive and hopeful.
I used to be downright euphoric for a few days after ovulating. The relief that Satsuma hadn’t packed her bags and gone to join the choir invisible. The excitement that I was. In. With. A. Chance! Wheeee! The comfort in not being entirely, totally, 100% broken after all.
After a while it faded to pleased, anxious, and reassured.
And now I’m underwhelmed, terrified, and oh, I know I’m 100% broken. I hate the idea of spending the next week in miserable uncertainty. I hate knowing that I am trudging slowly back to the trenches for another vicious kicking.
This is no fun anymore.