Well, I’m here.

Item – I am writing this, painfully slowly, on an iPad in a hotel room in the deepest, dampest countryside. It’a very nice hotel room, but it’s chilly, or at least, I’m chilly. And baffled by how startlingly clumsy I am without nice clicky solid keys with edges to guide me. I’m a ferociously good and speedy typist usually. This is like being back in school, when we used to troop into the ‘Computer Lab’ to practice touch-typing for half and hour every Thursday.

Item – Someone found my blog by searching for ‘insubordinate trollop’. I can’t tell you how happy this makes me.

Item – Diet, which was going so well I actually PEELED THE PASTRY OFF A SAUSAGE ROLL before eating it, blown to smithereens within five minutes of entering my mother’s house earlier this afternoon. I have eaten chips. I have eaten cake. I have *sob* eaten ice-cream.

Item – My Dad left me the most passive-aggressive message in the history of telephony, complaining that we never answered his calls, we don’t visit, we don’t write, so, anyway, he was going to be our end of the country on Saturday, and wanted to come over for dinner. Of course, we’re at this wedding, 200 miles away, this weekend. I burst into tears, feeling instantly stricken with guilt (God, my Dad is good. He’s like Portnoy’s mother) that we’d missed his call and weren’t going to make him dinner. It took H a while to talk me down, poor lamb. Then I called Dad back, to point out he hadn’t called since my birthday, that calling before 7:30 was counterproductive as we both actually work long hours, that we’d been invited to the wedding months ago, as had he (only he refused the invitation), and that ideally, we needed more than 36 hours’ notice to fling all our plans into the air. Oh, and we had visited him in September, so the ‘I haven’t seen you for YEARS’ was uncalled for. He folded like a table napkin, and I left him a lotus of his own making.

Item – It was actually bizarrely liberating to realise, and in under two hours too, that actually, none of this particular ballsup was anything to do with me. I’m 36 and married and live 500 miles from him and he can still play me like a violin on the (rare) occasions he wants something from me. *sigh*

Item – still, wedding tomorrow. I’ve already met baby Edna. Naturally, she found her impending lunch of considerably more interest than yet another bloody cousin, and blanked me completely. Wise child. Onwards.


11 responses to “Well, I’m here.

  • bionicbrooklynite

    that is some jiu-jitsu guilt, that is, turning down an invitation to a family function only to guilt family into not being available to see you during the time of said function. wow. you come from impressive stock, my insubordinate trollop.

    (also, reread your comment on HFF’s blog and realized i’d flipped the position of a cruical “two” such that i thought you were talking to both of us when you were only talking to her. subsequently made ass of self. argh. not a deliberate ass-making, that’s all i can say. xo)

  • BigP's Heather

    Yes, what bionicbrooklynite said about the Guilt Wizard that is your Father. Amazing.

    Hope you warm up soon and have a good time at the wedding.

  • a

    Your family is a source of endless delights, aren’t they?

    Hope you have a great time at the wedding. I think ice cream will help.

  • manapan

    I hope the wedding and all the assorted functions go well for you!

  • twangy

    But you do write and call, and even visit. Also, fathers need to give a little notice, as daughters are not waiting in suspended animation to leap into life when summoned.

    HMPH. Enjoy your hotel and festivities. If the wedding is in the hotel, there is always the option of a temporary disappearing act back to your room. Of which I am a big fan.

  • Womb For Improvement

    My dad has a similarly cavalier attitude to my social life when he announces visits – though fortunately it doesn’t come with added guilt trip. (Even though I am a terrible phoner/ visitor).

    Insubordinate trollop is a very apt name for satsuma.

  • Cheerleader

    Want to know a secret? You can sneak out of weddings and watch tv in hotel rooms. It’s great and nobody notices.

  • Valery

    The iPad, does it belong to the hotel room? If not, and you might be using it more often you could consider a keyboard? for clickety comfort?
    (I remember trying all the keyboards and touchpads before deciding on my laptop)

  • Ben Warsop

    I DO know what you mean about the iPad, I caved and bought a wireless keyboard for mine (not the docking station). Being apple, it’s small, white and incredibly sexy, barely bigger than the iPad itself.

    >> He folded like a table napkin, and I left him a lotus of his own making.

    I love that phrase.



  • Korechronicles

    Hope the wedding and assorted family hi-jinks went well and you managed not to smack anybody. Also hope your Dad has achieved enlightenment.

  • Betty M

    How di it go?Did you knock them dead in your new dress?

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