Daily Archives: August 30, 2013

Unpregnant notes

And then I remember, with a sudden slapped sensation, that I just had a miscarriage, and was supposed to be focusing on getting over that.

Item – While Cute Ute got a partial grip of the situation on Tuesday, and agreed that any more vicious cramping would just be downright bitchy on her behalf, she still hasn’t stopped bleeding. The bleeding is finally slowing down to heavy red spotting (touch wood. Where’s some wood? Quick, touch it!) only today. Yeah, guess how much I enjoyed sitting about in hospital waiting rooms and corridors with my leg on fire, my heart thrumming like a harp-string, one toilet to share with all these other people, and blood persistently, unstoppably, running out of me?

Item – I am still about five pounds up on my pre-IVF weight, but all the bloat and plumpitude around my midriff has completely gone. I no longer look in the slightest bit pregnant. Just a bit… Deflated.

Item – While I was pregnant, my normally very dry skin became almost normal on my body – I could even just shower with moisturising shower gel and not need lotion unheard-of notion! – and my face and neck became downright oily. I promptly broke out in quite impressive acne. It was infuriating and gross and I loved it, because pregnant, you guys! Within a couple of days of losing 6AA, my skin was drying up. I have a whole bunch of acne scars on my neck, collar-bones and alas temples, but they’re slowly going. I need lotion by the gallon after a shower. *sigh*

Item – I can’t tell if I’m this tired because I’m recovering from a pulmonary embolism, or I’m anaemic, or I haven’t slept well for months, or I’m miserable and shell-shocked, or, no wait, I’ve got this, all of the above. You think? I think.

Item – We have our post-IVF WTF appointment with Dr George on Tuesday. I think I may have cornered the market in WTF this month. Shall we be good, and warn Dr George beforehand by email? Yes, yes we really should. Or he’ll spend the whole appointment trying to rehinge his lower jaw.

Item – Talking to pregnant people right now makes me feel weepy and panicky. I know you, oh Gentle Readers, won’t hold this against me for a second, because ten miscarriages and near-death experiences you know? I get such a free pass, yes? But the rest of the big wide world is out there gestating happily oblivious to babies die and mothers die and holy fuck how are there any humans alive at all? and I am a stoic woman usually, but not right now not even a little. I don’t know how to leave the house or be on FuckBook or talk to family or anything. *flail flail*. Ach. This too shall pass. This, too, shall eventually pass.

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