After I posted yesterday, things went From Bad To Worse, and Cute Ute realised she had a reputation to maintain here. So despite the fact she passed an entire seven-week embryo and all appurtenances without anyone noticing last week, this week she could not pass the shreds and tatters of her lining without donkey-kicking me in the knees and trampling over my collapsed form.

(It’s a thing, by the way, that doctors and EPU staff entirely fail to warn a lass about. If you’re more than five or six weeks pregnant, your endometrium will have become very much more solid what with all that progesterone and HCG, and, err, meaty, and passing it is quite the motherfucking business. Even if the embryo has already gone).

Twenty-four hours or so of actual contractions, by the way. I could time the fuckers and everything. And feel my uterus shrinking as she squeezed. I already look considerably flatter in the stomach.

I am now stoned out of my gourd on my good old friends tramadol and diclofenac, and therefore feel much better about just about everything, apart from those blood-curdling moments when I remember I was pregnant last week and now I’m not. Not a damn thing on earth can make me feel better about that right now.

Next week, I must sort out cancelling all my maternity appointments and scans. Give me strength.


18 responses to “Addenda

  • Amy

    Sending you the requested strength, along with hopes for some circumstances to come along very soon which won’t require you to be so strong. It’s way too much to ask, frankly.

  • bionicbrooklynite

    Strength to you, my dear, and should the strength not arrive in time, then more strong drugs.

  • Jo

    Giant hugs. I remember the contractions – I’ve never felt anything like it before or since. I’m just so fucking sorry for all of this. You remain on my mind and in my heart.

  • KeAnne

    Damn. I am so sorry. How horrible.

  • a

    Fuuuuuuuuck. So sorry the despoiler awoke. Perhaps you could remain stoned for those phone calls, though. That might be useful.

  • chon

    I’m so terribly sorry May.

  • Blanche

    There really should be some way for such appointments to be flagged and cancelled automatically when it has been officially confirmed that there is no longer a need for them. Nothing like dragging out the emotional pain even after the physical pain has passed or been drugged into submission. Is that something H could or would be willing to handle, or are they annoyingly particular about who can make such calls?

    I am so sorry that you are facing all this.

  • Hat

    Can Anyone else , a close friend or H maybe call and cancel appts for you? Just thinking you need a couple cases of Wine and a tropical vacation right now. just to escape “reality” and live some other life for a week. to regroup. It was a step i went through after “accepting” my vie sans enfants. Saying it in french makes it feel like its a thing to do, that all the posh people are doing it. I dont know its just my BS right now. What else is there to do, but get a good bottle, or Three and a couple of movies, NOT by anymeans not that infernal cartoon “UP”. and just veg for a week or until you feel like getting out of the house. There is a collective community of many who have been following your journey with baited breath. WE all ache for you, we all hug you from afar, we (well maybe not all of us) want to suggest a good wine, am currently just finished a bottle of Baco Noir and am in love with it.
    MAY your loved ones and friends bring you nothing but comfort, and keep the stupidity for when you are not around right now.

  • Korechronicles

    Sending you strength for each difficult day, comfort for your tears and a light at the end of the suffering tunnel. As for Cute Ute…there are no words.

  • Persnickety

    Hugs. That is no fun.

    I would second the recommendation to have someone else call the various appointment people. I am very grateful that my husband took that on for most, as it is not fun.

  • Betty M

    I’m so sorry that Cute Ute couldn’t just let things be and insists on full scale unhelpful behaviour. Seriously uncool C.U.

    I expect annoyingly and depressingly that only you will be able to cancel the appts but it should just be one call. It may not be able to stop the automated letters arriving in the post -at least it didn’t in my case.

    Sending virtual booze, chocs and sympathetic squeezes.

  • A

    Instead of writing all to much about my self on your blog I´ve just started my own 🙂

  • newtoivf

    Sending strength and love and hugs. Wish something could help x

  • Anonymous

    Wishing you swift recovery from cute ute’s behaviour.

    I feel so sad to know how sad you and H must feel. Everyone feels for you.

    Wish you both peace and comfort and strength.

    K x

    • Anonymous

      Anxious to point out that I’m not purporting to know how sad you are, or to know how this feels. Just hoping to express my sympathy at this horrible turn of events…


  • Emily Erin

    I hope that someone else can cancel the appointments and I, too, wish that there were a way to whisk you away to somewhere very DIFFERENT, where it’s a bit easier to forget that your heart has been taken out and stomped upon YET AGAIN. Geez. Hoping that you find comfort wherever that comes (chocolate and wine sound good).

  • Melissa

    Oh that is so very unfair. Cut it out Cute Ute!

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