Large tired bitchy mermaid

I am not getting off scot-free after all, you know. Last night the Universe saw that I was physically comfortable, and the Universe saw that this was not on at all, and any and all suffering done in the past eight years by no means entitles me to a ‘get out of jail free’ card this time, and yea, verily, the Universe woke me at four am for a smiting.

Basically, and predictably, I stopped taking the progesterone supplements, and my hitherto politely dormant endometriosis awoke with a start, and leaked blood all over my lower bowel. What else was it going to do under the circumstances? So now I have that pain, in my lower abdomen, the crampy irritated pain like trapped wind or someone wrapping elastic bands round loops of my intestine, which makes me feel I constantly need to fart even when there’s nothing up there, and which causes outbreaks of diarrhoea. I also have lower backache, because my pet endo-monster does that. Not to be left out, Cute Ute is angrily sore and tender, and is spilling a little fresh blood, but she’s not able to work herself up to full-on Despoiler mode, as she’s fresh out of lining, for which relief much thanks. I have a headache, a stiff neck, and a sore throat (oh, well, cheers, Universe. Why not a summer cold, at this point?). More weirdly, and frankly unpleasantly, I woke with violent cramp in my left calf and both feet, which makes walking to the lavatory and back into something melodramatically tragic à la Little Mermaid, original worryingly sadistic Hans Christian Andersen version.

I am a fucking wreck, Gentle Readers. And much of it feels like a dirty psychosomatic game being played against me for elaborately sadistic metaphorical reasons. And I resent it.

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13 responses to “Large tired bitchy mermaid

  • bionicbrooklynite

    FFS, universe. Give it a g-d rest already. May, your real name isn’t Job, by any chance? Because damn if this story doesn’t sound familiar.

  • a

    Sooooo, could you just dial down the progesterone dosage? Wean off of that one too and confuse the endometriosis?

    The Universe is most unkind to you, and should be smacked.

  • Mim

    Sending hugs, love, and support from this side of the Atlantic. Hope the healing (physical and emotional) go as quickly as they might under these circumstances. As a physician may I recommend lots of your favorite junk food? This just really stinks!

  • Melissa

    Oh eff off, universe! May has had much more suffering than one she ever have to even imagine!

  • A

    Oh no! When is the terror enough? I´m hurting (not so much physically) but I can’t even fantom your pain. (Fantom is supposed to mean understand, and if it doesn’t feel free to laugh! I´m mixing english, american-english and my own swenglish.)

    If I was a little bit less angry at God these days I would pray for you. Right now I´m not sure that helps. So I curse at him. Perhaps a lightning will hit me in the head, I really don’t care. If I were to pray I would also pray that my babys heart has finally stop(t) beating tomorrow. So they don´t send us home without a operation and we have to wait even more. Pregnancy is over no doubt about that, but Pyttes heart hasn’t understood that. Nore has my body.
    OK, time to stop babbling about my self. Again.

    I hope you get a break from all the pain you´re in. I hope you heal both physically and mentally.
    I hope you get healty twins next time, or triplets 😉
    I hope you can sleep good at nights so you have the energy to endure.
    I hope for happiness. And peace of mind.

  • Moira

    *shakes fist angrily at the heavens*

    That’s frankly pants.

    M x

  • Mina

    May, sweetheart, I am heartbroken for you. This is not how it was supposed to be. I am so angry with the universe for you right now. This is so cruel. Thinking of you both. And 6AA.

  • Betty M

    Ranting and racing along with you at the sheer awful unfairness of it all.

  • Robyn

    Resent away. Resent with bells on. I still resent those early morning pain extravaganzas with every atom of my being despite them being 20 years in the past. Wishing for better but sending massive padded and gentle hugs for the reality.

  • Jo

    I am so sorry! I’m thinking about you lots these days.

  • Twangy

    Oh no. Dear May. The thought of you kneeling on the floor and groaning with pain is horrible. So sorry for this awful turn of events. So sorry.

  • Sara

    “Resent” is a far more calm and polite word than I’d use in your circumstances.

  • Emily Erin

    Universe, I’d like to lodge a formal complaint, because you are being a douchecanoe. (I am sorry for the word, but nothing else seemed adequate). I wish that there were anything to say aside from this sucks mightily. Sending love and hugs from across the pond.

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