I ramble (NBHHY)

I am so impressed with all your contributions on my last post, Gentle Readers. You are such lovely wise people, and I Big Puffy Heart you all. And so does H.

The thing about my In-Laws (a thing Robyn was very wise about in her splendid comment), is that they would make absolutely perfect grandparents. They would dote on the child, they would be loving and fun and no doubt would be daftly indulgent at times (which is all the more fun and a great bonding experience). And they are also reasonably sensible about such matters as a bazillion sweeties and being quiet when the grown ups are talking, darling, so I would, I do, feel quite sanguine about their involvement in the putative kid’s life. My own grandparents were either rather distant and preoccupied, or rather stern and uncuddly, or, ah, dead. Nevertheless, the stern grandmama was also the one I loved best, because for all her disciplinary ways, she loved us and invested a great deal of time and trouble in us, and for all she was a little scary, she was also safe as a cathedral. And there. I digress, but it’s important to me that the little sesame seed has other grown ups about who prove to him/her over and over that s/he is family. And loved. And worth time and attention. And H’s parents would give that in spades. So in the end, if I have to suck up a certain amount of non-apology and undealingness, I will suck it. Bitch wildly about it here, no doubt, but otherwise, suck it.

In aid of this mellowness, came a little gift from my MiL, along with a little note to tell me she was thinking of us.

My own beloved-but-impossible Mama, whereas, has earnt a great deal of kudos chez May because, after an appalling start near the beginning of our Great Pregnancy Quest as Sayer of Hurtful Dumbass Things In Chief, she made an effort to listen, understand, and empathise as best she could. And though she can still be tactless, she is trying not to be. The armfuls of cash she keeps trying to force on us for infertility treatment, for example – she cares, she has money, she throws money at problems until they go away. And I think she would relish simply being a loving granny – in my niece Minx’s case she has often had to be Sole Responsible Adult while practically babysitting Trouble as well as Minx, and Trouble’s arsehole ex into the bargain.

The Plan, such as it is, for The Tellening goes now as follows:

  • The Scan is on the 15th. Ideally, we tell everyone after the Scan. We tell regardless of whether we get lovely news or tragic news, because everyone knows we are doing IVF this Summer.
  • The hitch is that my mother has invited us to spend the day with her the weekend before the Scan. Therefore, we will almost certainly tell her then. And BEG her to keep schtum until after we tell the In-Laws. Tell no one! Not even the Aunts! They talk to In-Laws! However, it’ll only then be a few days until the Scan, and we will explain that a) H wants to tell his parents himself (this is not exactly true – he’s dreading it, but feels it is His Duty, and they will appreciate it) and b) we don’t want to worry them with uncertainty for so much as a second if we can help it after all the stress and bereavement they’ve been through in the past few years. Especially as FiL is a Great Blurter and there is H’s remaining frail champion worrywart grandmother to Not Worry.
  • We will then tell my Dad, and let the Bush Telegraph deal with family outliers.
  • You guys who read this blog know already.
  • Other friends will be told as and when we see them. May be sooner rather than later as that wee fecker Cute Ute is so large thanks to the adenomyosis, I have already ‘popped’.
  • I have several infertile friends on FuckBook, and also several acquaintances and distant family whose attitudes to these things I do not care for, therefore we are keeping this off FuckBook for as long as feasible, so as not to turn my newsfeed into a river of bitterness and humiliation. For me or them. Thank you.
  • Work? Well. I’ll be completely outed by Tuesday if my boss doesn’t give over the shenanigans. I shall adopt a stoical expression also I shall practice saying ‘it’s not your business, but if it ever does become your business I’ll be sure to let you know.’ And pray I don’t vomit or pass out.


Normal symptoms: Slight nausea, worse when hungry; sensitivity to smell; metal mouth, constant, irritating; tired, sleepy all the time; breasts becoming increasingly tender and itchy, now with added nipples; very, very, very tragically bloated about the middle, and retaining water like a cactus; speaking of cacti, about as prickly (had ridiculous meltdown this morning and cried because H had slightly misled me about whether he was going to be 30 seconds or 5 minutes fetching his iPhone. In retrospect, most of the meltdown was about people not being honest with me, so I think the telling white fiblets to family about timings etc. to buy ourselves wiggle room was a no-goer. I have issues about honesty. Great big stupid ones. This is what happens when an entire family spends generations lying to each other ‘for your own good’. BUT I DIGRESS).

Weird, or are they? symptoms: Despite sleepiness, insomnia and a tendency to wake at six am in a state of anxious gloom (we’re blaming Prednisolone and PTSD); As I mentioned above, Cute Ute, starting from the size of a ten week pregnancy as she was, has already popped above my pelvic bone and can not only be clearly felt by laying a hand just below my navel, but has already got together with the squishy bloat to make my jeans too tight and my figure look decidedly *pregnant* already; episodes of dizziness (surely five weeks is a bit bloody early for fainting fits?).

Meanwhile, H is having more and worse anxiety dreams than I am.


22 responses to “I ramble (NBHHY)

  • Mina

    Isn’t it lovely how no one family is like any other, yet we assume we know better and keep dishing assvice left and right? Right?! Funny word. πŸ™‚
    Anyways, this tellening problem is a very good problem to have. You seem to have a very good plan, all contingencies are considered, you are considerate and thoughtful, as always, now please excuse, some of us *cough ME cough* have feet to deal with. Apparently feet in mouths make talking slighlty awkward. Good thing I wrote all this, otherwise you would not have understood a word.
    The metal taste is lovely, makes all food taste the same, but then who needs to taste food when there is nausea, eh? Find the food that keeps you happy. For me it was tomatoes with feta. Sometimes with basil. Hope the weather agrees with you.

  • Nicky

    I think I was most dizzy early in my pregnancies, and most nauseous when I was hungry. I ate almost every two hours, and brought innumerable granola bars and containers of yogurt to work. I might have even kept food by my bed. Showering on an empty stomach always did me in.

    I hope the telling goes smoothly, and you don’t have to be anxious too much longer. So happy NBHHY!

  • bionicbrooklynite

    Dizziness (even early — started in the tww this time for me, and I was otherwise healthy) and insomnia are in my experience normal, if tiresome.

    Your telling plan is excellent. Here’s hoping all the major parties play by the rules, though your plan seems very good at containing collateral damage if not. I have major issues about honesty myself, and nod in understanding at those parts, especially.

    (Also, another small SQUEE. I just can’t help myself.)

  • Jo

    Just sending love and hugs. Your plan sounds stellar.

  • a

    Well, that’s all settled then!

    When I was pregnant, I just had the overwhelming urge to eat. And that urge had to be met immediately, which often caused issues with my husband who likes to dilly-dally at mealtimes. I would be finishing lunch while he was still messing around in the yard. And then he would come in and say “I thought we were having lunch!” And I would say “I told you I was hungry 20 minutes ago. I couldn’t wait any longer.”

    On the other hand, when I was shooting up the heparin (clexane?), I had smell sensitivity such that even soap smelled revolting. Fortunately, I had some delightful English-made lemon-verbena liquid soap, which was the only thing I could tolerate. Symptoms: aren’t they delightful?

    • a

      Oh, and have I mentioned how much I love you and that you have accommodated my request for anxiety abatement in the title? You’re the best!

  • sheila

    Sounds like a very sensible plan. Any chance of getting out of the weekend at your mother’s place? I would find it impossible not to spill the beans in those situations either, so i normally avoid them – yes, that river in Egypt is going great guns these days!

    A few other random things – it would be lovely to hear from H if he feels up to it? What do you think has made the difference for this cycle? Did you get a hcg test done on the day you found out? Oh and I agree with the others above – your titles are making for very reassuring reading, so thank you.

    Hope your dad is doing ok.

  • Amy P

    Great tellening plans! Are you going to say anything Elsewhere (you know, the place where I know you by Yet Another Name (oo, that would be a great name Over There…) which is the first name I knew for you?) or is Elsewhere a closed book for you? *big puppydog eyes*

    Dizzyness… Are you well hydrated? Do I need to dig out the Fainting Story again (though that was at the borderline between the 1st and 2nd trimesters, iirc)?

    You know, it appears our ovulation was in sync again this month. How we manage to sync up with an ocean and a continent between us is a mystery. You must have some *bleep* strong pheromones! πŸ˜‰

    Who, me? Staying up too late researching chicken-related stuff again? However did you guess?

  • Valery Valentina

    Cute Ute popping..?!?.. Are you taking pictures yet? or measurements? I don’t mean you should post them (I don’t think I did) but if you like numbers to see what is happening maybe?
    Will keep thinking tadpole-y thoughts, differentiating towards a heartbeat. Eleven days seems an eternity.
    wishing only good things to happen.

  • Robyn

    Hoping everything happens in the way you would love it to happen if you could write the script. You so, so deserve it. And here’s another thumbs up for the anxiety abatement title.

  • minichessemouse

    another vote of thanks for the reassuring titles.

    I still have everything metaphorically crossed for you. And I sincerely hope that on 12 months time you will be blogging from in bed under a sleeping baby (which is where I usually get to catch up on stuff)

    Many many many hugs.

  • Womb For Improvement

    I am so excited for you and hanging out for the 15th and a healthy scan and onwards, onwards, onwards.

  • Blanche

    Good luck on everything – including the plan for the reveal, and getting more sleep!

    (Could someone please translate NBHHY for me?)

  • Betty M

    Arrgh had first reply eaten by computer. Boiled down to sounds like excellent plan; symptoms are weird and wonderful; and looking forward to good news on 15th for you and H.

  • Anonymous

    I’d like to apologise for the arsey solution I suggested.

    I wrote thinking of my own family – hardly the basis for imparting wisdom and rather brattish of me, given how loving and supportive they can be, as well as stressy.

    Wishing you and H peace and a good night’s sleep, free of anxiety dreams.

    K x

  • Emily Erin

    You’d be surprised by how little other people *actually* look at you (thinking of the commentary on cute ute’s prominence). With flow-y clothing (unless that’s completely outside of normal for you- then it would attract attention), what seems a HUGE bump to you will go by unnoticed– that is unless your boss continues to behave badly.

    Sounds like the telling plans are quite good– hoping that your mother will keep this wonderful news to herself for a few days! And, I, too, agree that knowing that Nothing Bad Has Happened Yet is a very reassuring way to start off reading, so thanks!

  • Twangy

    Hurray! NBHHY! More, and more and then a bit more of this NBHHY sort of thing!

    Your plan sounds excellent. I am sorry about the anxiety and insomnia. I sympathise massively.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Hurrah for gift-giving and note-sending MiLs. That is most encouraging!
    I’m sure your Mum will be fine and schtum. Take gaffa tape just in case, and all bases will be covered.
    I had a dream last night that I was anxiously shepherding you & what was evidently a term-bump around the Natural History Museum. and I was standing obscuringly in front of all the scary-looking dinos in case one of them triggered labour on MY watch. I HOPE THIS WAS PROPHETIC.

  • Melissa

    Gotta love those early symptoms! Hang in there!

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