Believe in the line

Early morning dialogues chez May & H:

‘H? Don’t you want to look at this?’
‘What am I looking at? Oh. Well, I can’t see anything.’
‘You can’t see… With what eyes are you looking, for fuck’s sake?’
‘Really tired ones. What with the storm last night, I did not exactly sleep.’
‘Neither did I. Just look at it.’
‘OK… Oh. Huh. That’s really quite faint.’
‘Yeah. It came up within three minutes, though.’
‘Five days past six day transfer on a cheap Internet peestick. That claims a sensitivity of 10miu.’

Oh my Gentle Readers, the romance. The adorableness. It’s exactly how we all dream of telling our partners.

‘So you’re going to work this morning?’
‘Yes. I feel fine, and I need to think of Something Else for the rest of the day.’
‘Well, take care. And remember not to freak out if you get cramps. As far as I can tell from twitter, everyone gets cramps.’

Bless the man.

So I went to work, and thought about Something Else for as many chunks of the day as I could muster. Work also had air conditioning. I know we had a massive storm last night (‘It lives! It LIVES!Bwahahahaha!‘), and they’re supposed to clear the air, but this city is still and exactly like sitting in a bowl of nasty hot chicken soup. Complete with unwelcome feet and a greasy film all over everything.

And yes, I have cramps. More infuriatingly, I had a trace of pink spotting. Some gentle investigating with a tissue leaves me completely unsure as to whether it originates from deep within, or from the more outward area of my precious, and said precious is actually feeling a tad sore from all the ghastly waxy glop of dissolving progesterone pessaries, also I am on Clexane. So I freaked out for about ten minutes and then talked myself down off the ledge.

Actually, no, I did not freak out, exactly. I was actually hijacked but completely by Bitter McTwisted, who looked at the trace of pink on the toilet paper and laughed, acidly, because chemical pregnancies are what Mays do best. Who the hell was I to think this one would go any differently? It would never go any differently. This was insane and I was a fool. An utter, utter fool.

And then the Positive Thinking Fairy got her in a headlock and dragged her back to my hind-brain. They’ve been duking it out ever since. Don’t they ever get tired? As I type, the Positive Thinking Fairy is listing everything that is different this time, the progesterone support, the Prednisolone, the Metformin, the bloody Clexane (wanna see my bruises?), and Bitter McTwisted is leaning back, staring at the ceiling, muttering ‘yes, but this is May we’re talking about’ whenever Positive draws breath.

I’m not sure which of them dragged me into a chemist on the way home and held out a box of peestick and some money to the lady at the till. This peestick, an ‘Early Bird’, which the internets later told me had a sensitivity of 50miu, also came up with a faint positive within 3 minutes. Christ, those internet cheapies are cheap pieces of shit, aren’t they?

42 responses to “Believe in the line

  • Dr Spouse

    Ooh! I’m first here! Hooray! Feel calm and cool, too.

  • Amy

    Oh wow, YAY! I hope everything is perfectly normal and boring from here on out! May Bitter McTwisted be more wrong than she’s ever been.

  • QoB

    It seems to me the only way forward is to give them both an adequate supply of peesticks and let them fight it out.

  • Jo

    Yes!!!!!! Sooooo excited to read this! And I agree, after the first few, the telling can be quite anticlimactic. But the fact remains: you’re pregnant!!!!!!! First hurdle cleared. And you are doing so much more this time ’round. It’s going to work, dammit. It’s going to. Hugs all around.

  • Betty M

    Did you get any of this Gatorade the Americans keep talking about? I’ve never seen it anywhere. Sulky good old British Lucozade is the answer…Anyway I am here with fingers crossed for continued good results on cheap and expensive peesticks in the coming days.

    • H

      Ocado, of all places, has it. In a blackcurrant flavour that isn’t as hideous as the artificial orange. May says it’s like Ribena that someone has sweated in.

  • Betttina


    (The progesterone suppositories can even give you a bit of pink spotting too.)

  • Mina

    Yay, fun with the peestickopalooza! Bitter and Positive, go out for a drink, you are too tense. May, I wish you such a boring pregnancy that you get tears of boredom from reading the text books and finding nothing different from your experience in there. Yes, Bitter, this IS May we are talking about, this might be the exception to the rule, shut it and keep your I Told You So-s for someone else.

  • a

    Bitter McTwisted, please fuck off now. All the May variables have been addressed. It’s Positive Thinking Fairy’s time for the spotlight.

    When do you get your official test, by the way?

    • H

      Official test day (two week wait from egg collection) is Friday. These tests are just for shits and giggles 🙂

  • Chickenpig

    YES!!! And the suppositories made me spot quite a bit, and I have had wicked cramps with both of the pregnancies that worked, more so than the ones that didn’t. They felt very much like period cramps, too, which is unnerving to say the least. You are pregnant!!! Faint line or not 🙂

  • bionicbrooklynite

    This all sounds Extremely Promising to me. First, your title made me a bit misty. Now I am practicing calming breaths. Besides everything else, note that progesterone can definitely give a body cramps. And tell bitter McTwitwad to go pick on somebody else for once. Xo

  • waterbelle44

    OMG. I’m so beyond cautiously excited.

  • korechronicles

    Any chance of putting Bitter McTwisted onto an aircraft and sending her to me? I will meet her at the airport in an armoured vehicle where she will stay, parked in my spacious backyard, for as long as is required to teach her some manners.

    Wildly optimistic down here but still maintaining yogic everything-crossed position.

    PS. Once again WP has swallowed my first comment and refusing my password. The perfectly fine password I used yesterday. AAAARRRGGGHHHH!

  • starrhillgirl

    (I can’t even think of what to say!)

  • Jen

    CRossing fingers, crossing fingers….

  • May ProblemUterus

    I’m counting heavily on Everything That is Different This Time. Xoxo

  • Dora

    Yay! Totally believe in the line!!!

  • a

    BTW, living in a bowl of chicken soup describes June through September where I live. Positive Thinking Fairy says: it’s good to get this out of the way now, rather than when you’re occupying much more real estate…Cool is better for those later stages. 🙂

  • Esperanza

    Bitter McTwisted knows only the past. No one yet knows the future. I’m holding out hope that this is THE ONE.

  • minichessemouse

    Squeee! You should do one of those singing dancing digital tells you how pregnant you are tests. Didn’t seem real for me until I’d done one and it said “pregnant 2-3”

    It still doesn’t seem real sometimes and small is 7 months.


  • Amy P

    What a time for my laptop to decide to freeze every few seconds! Non-scrolling is not fun.


  • valery

    Are you taking pictures of The Line after 5 minutes? Some cheapies keep changing. This way you can compare pictures day by day, all after 5 minutes. Although The Line might already have appeared faster today?
    Sending unvanishing thoughts.
    And cool breezy ones.

  • Bachelor's Button

    Yay! Amazing news! I had the same parcel of ingredients as you for my successful ivf pregnancy and had spotting etc (btw its probably just an implantation bleed at this point). Are they going to give you a second dose of intralipids? Make sure that you get it ASAP if you are having them. So delighted for you.

  • wombattwo

    *Crosses fingers, toes, arms, legs and eyes*

    I had a bit of spotting with progesterone pessaries too – for a good 2 weeks or so I seem to remember. (I had a bleed too, but am very hopeful you won’t have that!)

    Also had cramps, and sore boobs that disappeared at 5 weeks. The soreness disappeared. The boobs didn’t. Have come to the conclusion that symptoms mean absolutely zilch!

  • Sheila

    Another step on the road – congratulations! One day at a time…..

    BTW I too had spotting – lord only knows what from (clexane, aspirin, pessaries, who knows). But nonetheless got babies at the end, so fingers crossed for you!

    Like wombat, all my symptoms disappeared about 8 weeks – ended up in tears at Riverside, who gave me an on the spot scan that said everything was fine, so who knows with symptoms.

  • Emily Erin

    Crossing everything possible to cross and hoping like Hell that Things Are Different this time. Will you go back for LIT again now that you know you are pregnant? Holding my breath and hoping so hard for good things!

  • twangy

    I do! I believe! I totally believe in the line.

    Crossing everything, very, very fervently, and sending you the very good thoughts.

  • Anonymous

    Everything everyone’s just said!

    K x

  • Blanche

    Believing for you. Bitter McTwisted can go stuff herself.

  • conceptionallychallenged

    Believing. And hoping that the fairies take a break so that you can pee on sticks in peace, getting stronger lines every day.

  • L.

    I think Bitter McTwisted just wants to protect you, honestly, and I can understand why. But I hope that this time, even if takes nine months before you feel confident in doing so, you get to experience hope and joy without any blowback.

    Rooting for you guys, big time.

  • Valery Valentina

    Both my boobs almost burst with believing…
    hoping with whole my heart.
    (and excessively checking for updates)

  • Melissa

    AHHHH! Congrats!!! Prayers!!!

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