What are we doing? What have we done?

I am, of course, freaking the hell out right now. That high-pitched whine you can hear? With the random pings, ftz-noises, bangs, and puffs of smoke? My neurons bursting into flames.

Once again, Satsuma the Great was in deep cover, and not visible by dildocam. We looked in from the top, as it were, and there she was, rather large and much burdened with great big black blobs. This being an external ultrasound, ÜberScanningLady couldn’t get an accurate count, but she gave up counting at 18 large follicles, one 20mm, three 19mm, ‘several’ over 18, and the rest over 15mm. There may be more.

‘What a star!’ said ÜberScanningLady, ‘Who needs left ovaries, eh?’

Not this happy camper.

Riverside Clinic found yet another adorable nurse from their seemingly inexhaustible supply, and she, with a flourish, presented me with my Retrieval Schedule.

‘So, tonight you take the trigger shot,’ she began – holy shit, this is really real – ‘And your final Gonal F and Cetrotide shots. You’ll need to take the Gonal F at 7pm, the Cetrotide at the usual time (10pm), and the trigger at 11:30, OK?’

(Holy shit this is actually happening)

‘No shots tomorrow!’ she continued, ‘And don’t eat after midnight tomorrow.’


‘Has your husband ejaculated recently? Yes? Good. Remind him not to do so again before Friday.’

(Oh crap they really believe I have eggs and there’s a point to all this)

‘You need to be here at 7:30am on Friday, OK?’

‘Wait,’ I said feebly, ‘do you mean this Friday? The day after tomorrow?’

She laughed, kindly.

We went through my file again to make sure we all knew what was what, and that I knew about the Cyclogest and Clexane and the Intralipid on the day of retrieval. She noted the list of miscarriages and expressed dismayed sympathy, which was nice, but also made me feel weird, because it seems this is unusually pants even for Riverside, where a swift perusal of the waiting room proves I am by no means the fattest or the oldest woman they are treating. (I am wandering off-topic here, but if the NHS limits IVF to younger, thinner women, the ‘better’ candidates, the ones who don’t miscarry with the regularity of the changing seasons, how come NHS success rates are so noticeably worse than those of private clinics, who will take on the fat, the shrivelled, and the medically complicated?).

And then she harshed the mellow by missing my vein on the first stab with the needle and having to wriggle the point about in my flesh, hunting for it AAAAAIEEEE OH MY GOD THAT FEELS REVOLTING.

I settled my bill, I collected the rest of my drugs from the pharmacy, and I trundled off to work for a hard day’s patient Sorting Stuff Out. I am taking next week off, so I can lie about on my chaise longue, weeping into my prunes while watching Doctor Who reruns, in peace. Therefore Stuff Needs Sorting Out.

So! I have emptied the last of the Gonal F into my muffins (exact right amount! Ha! Take that, pharmacy fees!), and very shortly I will go play with the last Cetrotide (alas, we have a spare Cetrotide shot). Incidentally, I got H to mix the Cetrotide for me the other night, and after a few minutes he admitted, ruefully, that it was ‘trickier than it looked’. Quite. *smug mode*.

Oh, my dear good Gentle Readers, I am nervous.


23 responses to “What are we doing? What have we done?

  • bionicbrooklynite

    I’m not! I’m practically bursting with excitement! (But I totally get it, obviously.) lay in stocks of Gatorade and colace /assvice.


  • QoB

    Eee!! This is exciting and terrifying in equal measure even from afar. Can’t imagine the number and type of butterflies currently residing in your (plural) ribcages. Crossing all possible appendages.

  • betttina

    So! Very! Exciting! Oh, I am just thrilled for you and H. Way to go, Satsuma!

  • Betty M

    Eek! This is very exciting. Crossing digits for you. x

  • Amy P



  • Sol Solntze

    *proffers cocoa and other soothing unguents* Go you! Go Riverside!

  • starrhillgirl

    Woooo! Trigger tonight! Wait, maybe with the time difference you have done it already?!
    I second the gatorade. And TV.

  • mayproblemuterus

    I have been HAUNTING my feed reader during all this. You and H have my very best thoughts and wishes, my dear.

  • Jo

    Squeeeeee! I am beyond excited. Be sure to update and give us all the juicy details Friday afternoon. Can’t wait to see how many gorgeous embies are going to come of this. Go,Satsuma! Go, May! Go, H! Let’s make a baby!

  • a

    Much luck! It sounds very promising!

  • Mina

    Sats, old girl, WELL DONE! May, spring chick, best of luck! Thinking of you.

  • Anonymous

    I third the gatorade suggestion.. or lucozade, whatever you can find. Chug it by the gallon… OHSS is not to be messed with! Massive good luck wishes to you and your potential embryos xx.

  • Chickenpig

    Massive amounts of V8, Gatorade, and protein. And rest! I’ve had up to 46 follicles over 16 and managed to escape with only a touch of OHSS. Don’t touch plain water, coffee, or tea for a few days at least. I’ve been through 7 retrievals and I was nervous every single time. It is not knowing how many eggs you’ll get that is so nerve wracking. I hope that when you wake up after retrieval the doc tells you that you have a beautiful batch of eggs and that it was all worth while. All the best of luck!!!!!!

  • Valery Valentina

    pfffeeew, so very promising.
    Just to ease my mind, in UK you DO get put under for retrieval? (not in NL) And do they have a plan or a device/magic trick to get Satsuma within reach? Hope they don’t trample your insides to get ‘m out of hiding. And give you plenty of painkillers afterwards.
    I’ve never made it past trigger but wouldn’t know anyway how you would feel.
    now I will go back to see if Friday retrieval is good for the testing.
    Thinking of you.

    • Valery Valentina

      yes, under testing 1 2 3 it was: “HOWEVER. Because of lab times and logistics, we can only do day 5 testing if we retrieve Wednesday through Saturday. And we can only do day 3 testing on Friday through Tuesday. So we can ask Riverside for a Friday or Saturday retrieval for maximum options, and they will tweak medications if possible, … ”
      Maximum options.
      Good luck with them flowcharts!

  • Kelly

    De-lurking to send best wishes across the pond to you!

  • Twangy

    7:30am on Friday! This is wonderful!
    (I would be DYING of de nerves too, mind you. Tis only natural.)

    Godspeed, dear May. Looking forward on your behalf to the chaise longue.

  • Melissa

    OMG OMG OMG I’m so on pins and needles for you!

  • minichessemouse

    Aieeeeeeee! Sending you all the best and bouncing slightly. I so hope this works for you.

  • nonsequiturchica

    You can do this!!! I hope that tomorrow goes well and you have lots of follicles to work with! As others have said, lots of Gatorade, salty food, and protein.

  • Anonymous

    Right now. What a good moment, full of (the best) possibilities. Wishing you all the best. Nerves are understandable.

    All the best again and again.

    K x

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