Stirring dull roots with spring rain

So we went to the Riverside Clinic, for the Great Big Consultation To End All Consultations (please God).

I am having trouble processing it all.

Obviously, you, my Gentle Readers, would like to know what went down, and all I can say is, I don’t freakin’ know.

Item – Our consultant reminded me insistently of George Clooney at his most winsome. There is a goodly chance this man will have seen my vagina by Rosh Hashanah. Halp.

Item – The friendly chat with Dr George lasted well over an hour. I have never, ever, in my born days, ever had a consultant, NHS or private, who was happy to sit there for over an hour, going over things carefully and thoroughly, making all the ‘yes, I’ve read your notes and remember stuff’ noises. Never. For this alone, even H has a little crush on the man (me, I think he looks like George Clooney, remember? (H disagrees. H thinks he looks like Jon Stewart. Me, I am now having severe hormonal difficulty with the concept of the awesomeness of a Clooney/Stewart mashup. Seeing me naked)).

Item – The Riverside Clinic does this thing where they have you turn up for the initial consultation an hour early, for paperwork, and also so the male partner can retire to a private room and ‘provide a sample’. And then the results of the sample turn up mid-consultation (oh, good Lord, is this what money gets you?) So H was removed by a smiling friendly wee nurse leaving me in charge of the paperwork. I of course dropped the sodding lot all over the floor of the office, and while I was at it I dropped H’s music folder, and the nice lady helping me with it scrambled to pick sheaves of paper up for me. And handed me, poker-faced, the sheet-music for this*.

Item – It took me ten minutes sitting in the waiting-room, shoulders shaking, scarlet face in hands, to recover my composure. I’m quite sure the other couples thought I must have had NEWS OF EXCEEDING DOOM. Oopsie.

Item – H informs me the Riverside Wankatorium is devoid of Worrying Pictures Of My Parental Homes. It is also devoid of select images for the discerning gentleman’s gentleman (boo!) and the images presented for H’s delectation, while, he admits, were acceptable (real boobies!), they weren’t massively inspiring either. And he could hear people tramping up and down the corridor asking each other for files. Poor lamb. Nevertheless, his sample was magnificent, full to bursting with healthy handsome single-headed sperm swimming in nice straight lines. Dr George was pleased. I was pleased. H tried not to look smug.

Item – As for me, my AMH results from three years ago were so bloody spiffing, Dr George is quite sure my ovary is in tip-top condition, and likely to do rather well if encouraged. We’ll be retesting the AMH, but his optimism on the subject was bewilderingly lovely.

Item – The adenomyosis should not be a problem. I am the only person in the world concerned that I might give birth to Flat Stanley. And pregnancy would be good for the adenomyosis. Oh. OK. Oh. I… OK. *weeps with relief*

Item – My weight is not a factor. It’s not an issue. It was not worth even mentioning to me. We could cycle as soon as my period starts if I like. WHAT THE HOLY FUCK?

Item – Apparently, we have a pretty decent chance of getting a take-home baby with IVF. That’s hope right there, that is. I don’t do hope. I have not done hope for so long that it feels very much like it does when you’ve been kneeling awkwardly for hours and your foot has gone completely to sleep. You stand up and said numb foot is suddenly an agonising mass of tingles and throbs, and you can’t put any weight on it because it is not accepting neural feedback and feels like it’s made of jelly and wet sponges. Hope is decidedly unpleasant. Ow. Ow ow ow *hop hop* owie I think I might sit down again.

Item – And then we walked half-way across town in the rain. Because sometimes you just need to walk in the rain for a while.

Item – I’m having Drambuie on the rocks now. You?

*Providing link rather than naming the song, because not many choirs are singing it this summer, and we don’t want a massive H-TMI-reveal to his adoring fans, now, do we? No, we don’t. But the story was too good not to share. Shhh.

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24 responses to “Stirring dull roots with spring rain

  • J o s e y

    Wow – so much great news in this post!! Wonderful!!

  • QoB

    OMG dying of laughter over here. Is H doing the dance as well?? Please say yes.

    That all seems… promising. I will not use the h-word, but, go go gadget team!

  • Kathryn McCarthy

    This sounds great. I have taken that long walk after such a consultation. And it felt good. I am excited to hear about next steps. Enjoy your Drambuie.

  • Betttina

    I am bursting withjoy for you that something is going Right. So, so thrilled. Very exciting! My IVF baby just turned two, so I’m a big fan of the IVF. Also Jon Stewart. And George Clooney.

  • Jo.

    All good news. Keeping my fingers crossed.

  • mayproblemuterus

    All fingers and toes crossed!!!

  • a

    What do you suppose the nurse thought about that particular piece of sheet music? I am laughing over here…

    You know how I knew I had found a good doctor? First, he was capable of listening. Second, he read my chart. Third, he was at least mildly emotionally invested in my successful pregnancy before the end of the first visit. So, because I found success that way (twice, even – the fertility doctor and my OB/GYN), I hope my luck will be visited upon you too.

    I’m hoping to go see Spamalot this summer – they’re doing a production at our local open-air theater.

    Does the Jon Stewart/George Clooney combo mean that he’s on the short side?

  • Jenny F. Scientist, PhD

    How could George Stewart POSSIBLY fail to knock you up in a lasting way???

  • mfamama

    Oooooh, a George/Jon hybrid could practically get ME pregnant just by LOOKING at me. Probably I wouldn’t even have to take my pants off, as I don’t even have the requisite bits for such endeavors. I’m pregnant right now. IN MY MIND.

    All ridiculousness aside, good Godiva. Hope! It’s ouchy from here and I don’t know how you’ll manage to walk it off. Oof.

  • Amy P

    A youtube link? Argh, fine, it’s May, it’s a safe link…

    It’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking anything!

    *wonders if Flat Stanley reference/knowledge is at all due to a certain project ;-)*

  • carole

    Well, that news all sounds perfectly splendid even without a dashing Doctor George Stewart thrown in for good measure! All apendages crossed that this will be it!

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    ‘I might give birth to Flat Stanley’ has just resulted in my inhaling my Fatfighters (TM) coconut slice. It is still partially lodged somewhere north of my sinuses.

    Oh GOD, how we all want this to go perfectly. Want Want Want. There is SO MUCH WANTING happening.

    H, I think, needs to take an iPad and some downloaded media of his choice next time. And perhaps noise-muffling headphones…

  • Amy

    Awwwwww yissssssss!

    Sorry, that’s obnoxious as hell, but I am brimming with giddiness for you – this is all such great news. I agree with you about hope being quite uncomfortable, at best. Don’t worry about hope for now if you’d rather not. We will hope for you!

  • Sheila

    So pleased that you’ve at last got someone who is listening properly to you…. Out of interest, what were his thoughts on the findings of your hysteroscopy? Desperately wishing for the hope fairy to consummate the relationship this time around!

  • Sheila

    BTW, love the title to your post!

  • Chickenpig

    I loved my RE because he was always more hopeful and optimistic than I was, and he always had numbers and reasons for his optimism backing him up. He isn’t at all handsome, though, and from what I gather by your post that is a VERY good thing.

    Your consult sounded very, very positive indeed.

  • persnickety

    Yay- progress. progress is good. fingers crossed

  • L.

    It’s not that I don’t find Mr. Clooney attractive, but I would have about ten times the difficulty exposing my private parts to Mr. Stewart, a) because his brain is hot as well as his body, which is overall way hotter and b) I would be very nervous about any forthcoming jokes.

    Anyway, there are probably worse things than being ministered to by a facsimile of George or Jon, right? You can lose yourself in those twinkling eyes while they have you in the stirrups. No? Okay, maybe not….

    Mostly I’m just very quietly squee-ish about the fact that he listened, and spent time with you, and had such optimistic things to say. Just wishing you all the best with all my heart.

  • Valery Valentina

    DP didn’t know that song from the link, so I had to play it for him last night. Full screen. So no surprise as to what I was singing in the shower this morning 😉 I might have made up some lines about eggs as well. Hope. stirring. double digits, right?

  • Sol Solntze

    More wanting here. Go the Riverside Clinic. Team Riverside! OK, let’s not do hope, but let us think positively about George looking at your lady bits.

  • Twangy

    ALL VERY GOOD!
    I doubt, by the sound of it, if any man, woman, child or Cocker Spaniel could be immune to Dr George’s appeal – and the clinic sounds perfect! I am over-exclamatory! [Breathing, self, do breathing!]. It just sounds the way it should be. Which is a wonderful relief.

    Also, HAHA! Love the dropped sheet music story!

    More of this sort of thing, universe!

  • thalia

    iF riverside clinic is the one I think it is, I also had a good experience at a consultation there. I was really impressed by their data availability etc., the analysis they do. I did not, however, get george clooney. Gutted. Anyway we got pregnant w pob soon after so didn’t use them, but YAY!

    Please go ahead now, yes?!

  • wombattwo

    Glad it was a good appointment. I had similar worries re Flat Stanley, but was reassured that the uterus in pregnancy is a very different beast to that when not pregnant. Not that it stopped 9 months of being terrified, but turns out they were right, E is definitely not flat…

    Oh May, I so hope for you. Does that make grammatical sense? No idea. No need to hope yourself, I know how scary and painful it is, we’ll take care of hope for you. Just concentrate on one day, one injection, one minute, one breath at a time.

  • Betty M

    Ooh Dr George. Better in a consult than when he has his hands up your wazoo I feel! Glad it all went well and here’s to success.

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