Not random at all

Item – You may have noticed H and I have stalled a little on Forward Progress In A Fertile Direction Also Known As Better Reproducing Through Chemistry. We have all our test results, I have a plan and a clear idea of what I will and will not put up with in terms of treatment. But… [awkward pause]… You see, Dr Expensive’s plan is to do LIT, then do several cycles au naturel, while medicated to the freakin’ eyeballs with steroids and anti-coagulants and intralipids and then progesterone too. H is up for it. I am very (very very very irrationally freakoutily) concerned that we’ll get the timing of the sex wrong (this happens, you know, even to H and May the Defiant Sex-Bunnies Of Doom). Or, we’ll get it nearly right, but it would’ve upped our chances to do it one more time which we didn’t. Or something. And the cycle will end in Shark Week and I am – shall we say concerned? Yes, concerned will do – concerned that I will react very poorly to this and put some kind of strain on our marriage. I am inclined to try IVF, frankly. At any rate, I want to put a definite bloody absolute limit on how many cycles we muck about with freestylin’. Say three. H, however, well, apart from my doing the poor man’s head in re: Correct Timing of PiV, he has reservations about IVF. Reservations he is in fact rethinking, admittedly, but he is currently in a Moving Forward In A Non-Committal Way To Preserve Own Sanity Whilst Trying Not To Freak Out The Wife paradigm.

Item – This, I decided, was a propitious moment to do NaNoWriMo.

Item – Basically, for the month of November, May will be closeted in the study/bedroom/kitchen/living-room floor with her lap-top and all the coffee in the Northern Hemisphere. H has nobly agreed to feed May at regular intervals and chuck a duvet over her every midnight. I did NaNoWriMo once before – before this blog, even, and did in fact write over 50’000 words in one month, and I did in fact get a perfectly useful first draft of a possibly quite interesting detective novel out of it, the only drawback with which was that the hero was as interesting as a roofing tile. Since when, eventually, he had gender reassignment surgery and the novel took off – but NaNoWriMo is for first drafts not rewrites, so New Eve is still in a box somewhere awaiting her redraft and I will be doing something quite quite different. However, the first time I NaNoWriMoed I had neither a full-time job nor a bastard set of damaged innards with a thing about chronic pain and fatigue, so I am asking a vast and complicated ask of myself here. This could be messy. Also faily.

Item – But fret not, Gentle Readers! You will not dwell in the suburbs of my good pleasure. H has also nobly agreed to take custody of the blog while Sturm und Drang is in progress. He his very own self even volunteered unprompted to perhaps take this space to explore his ambivalence to IVF and other such related matters (see? All Items Are Linked And Relevant). So feel free to nag him, starting November 1st.

Item – No news of my SiL. My family is remarkably bad at news. People often get married, have babies, get divorced, move house, and even die in total obscurity. Every few years we have meet-ups and the entire room rings to repeated cries of ‘you did what? When? WHY? WITH WHOM oh my God pass the gin.’ I have called my brother and left phone-messages, but I clearly see that ‘updating little sister one sees twice a decade’ is really, really not on the to-do list, and frankly nor should it be. Just… I worry.


12 responses to “Not random at all

  • Womb For Improvement

    Best of luck with the writing, you’re a braver woman than I to take it on.

  • Mina

    Wow, I certainly admire the level of commitment. Both yours and H’s. 🙂
    Let’s see what you’ve got, you bunnies.
    And since you didn’t ask, I will tell you nevertheless: if I were you I would go with dr. Expensive’s plan. What if it works this way? Everyone who has done it can tell you that IVF is hard and soul draining, not only physically, but especially because of the pressure of hope and expectations it comes with. Not to mention that the curse of this hamster wheel that is ttc is that you never know what works until you actually do it. You never know before hand which is the stick that is going to stop the wheel from turning. There. I’ve said it. Now excuse me, I’ve got another foot to stick in my mouth. 🙂

  • Grace

    Is it wrong that I still want to know what your boss said about the Occupational Health report? Yes? Forget I asked. *beetles away to bake brownies and harass the pomeranian*

  • kylie

    Set a target number of cycles that you are willing to do narutally- and be clear on that. I would also strongly suggest setting a target number of IVF cycles (in case the first one doesn’t work). It was one of the more useful pieces of advice the counselor gave me- and it is useful- because all of the cyucles are like gamblig- you always think the next one will be the winner. (and it might be, but it might not).

    You are allowed to extend them, its nopt like the IVF police are going to come after you when you choose to do one more, but it is a good reflection moment.

    But hey- you may b lucky and not need any of this really depressing advice becase you get pregnant first month.

    Apologies for the bitterness, but am currently in the middle of a failing ivf cycle and i still have to keep stabbing myself with needles and squirty gel for a week until the official blood test and call of doom even though everyne involved knows its over.

  • manapan

    Good luck with NaNoWriMo!

    As for your limit, well, maybe you could agree on six cycles? If you were just now starting TTC, with none of your history at all, given your age you’d have to do six cycles with no results to get a doctor to listen to your concerns. So maybe doing six would help H realize that it’s time for the big guns and overcome his reservations?

  • QoB

    Hail, fellow NaNo-er! Though I am cheating, and aiming to finish a first draft I start last year. I’m not averse to sitting in the wardrobe if it gets shit done.

  • a

    Good luck with the writing. I hope it’s cathartic and useful…and not stressful. Looking forward to H’s posting!

  • Twangy

    Forgot to come back and wave encouragingly on all fronts. (This is the unfortunate thing about reading on a smartphone.)The novel-writing exercise is a great idea, as long as it’s not too stressful, what with all the Other Stuff a-boil. FWIW I’d like to read anything of yours. Reviews of marigold gloves and whatnot included. Write like the wind! Or until just a little tired.

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