The wisest are the most annoyed at the loss of time

So! Cycle 50… something? 53? I think it’s 53. Let’s say it’s cycle 53 of May and H’s Baby Quest of Doom.

[Awww. The Triumph of Hope over Experience. It’s quite inspiring, really – Positive Thinking Fairy]

[Oh my God, woman, this isn’t the Triumph of Hope over Experience, this is the Triumph of Bloody-Minded Yet Completely Mindless Biological-Impulse Driven Arseholery over Every Single Form of Common Sense and Decency – Bitter McTwisted]

H and I are composing an email to Doctor Expensive, to ask him if he a) has the biopsy results, and b) has formulated A Plan for us, and finally c) is this Plan batshit crazy or doable?

I am not interested in taking drugs like Humira or Nupogen, which have severe side-effects up to and including cancer, and have no real research behind them to back up their effectiveness in preventing miscarriage caused by auto-immune issues. Anyhow, if my endometrium is not riddled with killer cells, then this class of drugs would be – hahahaha – overkill.

I am prepared to do LIT, despite the lack of randomised double-blind placebo-controlled studies, as the side-effects are not nearly so scary, and the risks therefore acceptable. Also, H is keen on the idea, as he appreciates the logic of trying to get my immune system to recognise his DNA as very foreign and therefore extending it uterine diplomatic immunity. And I am happy to make H happy.

I am not only prepared but very eager to use Intralipids, steroids and progesterone support. My immune system is clearly pissed off and needs placating, and my luteal phase has always been a tad short.

I am not prepared to take Clomid again, and I may lose it and bite Dr Expensive if he suggests it again (but see Clomid Chronicles in sidebar, there).

I am prepared to do, say, up to three natural (all the fun of the fair in your own bedroom!) cycles, medicated with the above.

If the stress of au naturel becomes, eh, this is awkward, too stressful for timely matrimonial activity during these three putative cycles, I shall, oh, I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. Lose my freakin’ mind, I suppose. Threaten H with a testicular biopsy. Run screaming down the street stark naked. Join a nunnery. All three at once.

And then, IVF. On intralipids and steroids, top-up LIT, perhaps. Progesterone support would be mandatory, of course.

If Dr Expensive has other ideas, he’d better be damn convincing. I am sick of passively obeying doctors and telling my gut instinct it doesn’t have medical training so it should be quiet. Look where doing that has got me.

(P.S. – I’m getting a fair few ‘click overs’ to my blog from Facebook. I am exceedingly curious as to who is mentioning me over there and in what context. Anyone care to enlighten me? Please?)


27 responses to “The wisest are the most annoyed at the loss of time

  • J o s e y

    Being my own best advocate was exactly what helped us finally get somewhere in the TTC journey. I hope that you Dr. Expensive has some GOOD options for you!!

  • a

    Here’s to getting a prompt answer with A Plan (preferably one that is not considered batshit crazy) that involves no random immunosuppressors. Much luck…

  • Mina

    I do hope we are soon approaching the end of this baby quest and move successfully to the next level of the game. Which includes loads of hormones, some nausea, and assorted worry/wondering/anxiously waiting for medical appointment to see how the pregnancy is evolving. And then I can hardly wait to see you flooded with info about pregnancy and newbornhood. Wishing you the best.

  • Womb For Improvement

    I prefer to think if it as tenacious rather than Bloody-Minded Yet Completely Mindless, but than I too have a vested interest in the diagnosis.

    Personally I think your logic for a way forward is flawless and Dr Expensive better put his pencil down and listen.

  • Solnushka

    Go May! You tell that Dr Expensive!

  • Amy P

    What everyone else said!

  • QoB

    Bring on the Plan! Dr. Expensive had better get his ass in gear and respond with El Plano ASAP.

  • Jo.

    I’m sure I sent a few your way via FB. I loved your stages of dealing with an infertile post so much that I shared it there. Hope you don’t mind! I always tend to link to other bloggers posts since my blog is anonymous and therefore, I can’t link to it. So, in essence, I use you to say what I want to say, but can’t. šŸ™‚

  • Hat

    Why Humira???? I am On Humira because of having Ankylosing Spondylitis. No major side effects except if you get an infection you get it BIG TIME (sinus infection made colon infection too) sorry I need to perhaps read the rest of post but was totally baffled by the Humira bit. If you do decide to take it (risk of cancer is really low unless you have big family of cancerites) let the syringe warm up at room temp for 30 min or so.. to reduce the pain of injection.

    • Hat

      Um.. and the second part of my question…. when reading about Humira i have to stop it if i get pregnant (which wont happen cause my DH is sterile !) but still odd to hear it as part of a Plan to get preg. It seems to mess up my period … longer drawn out hard not sure if its affecting pain of it all but draws it out longer which if anything is annoying.

    • May

      My family is indeed full of cancerites. My grandfather, my mother, several cousins, etc. etc.

  • Hat

    oh i’ve posted your blog to my Face book a few times too. Mostly because your whit and way of writing has me giggling and laughing and nodding I ask my friend to read it too. She is too very good with language.

  • AMH

    Might I humbly suggest that you ask about IUI? At least here in the U.S., it is relatively inexpensive, as far as ART goes. You can do unmedicated cycles, too. I did a couple where they measured my follicles with transvag ultrasound, then did give me a trigger shot with hcg the day before doing the insemination. But no ovulation-stimulating drugs (I think progesterone was an option, but I didn’t need it). The idea with IUI was to give the sperm just that extra chance. We also found that it was easier for DH to “perform” in a cup when timing was critical. After years of trying to conceive, I’d lost any romantic thinking about conceiving a child au naturale.

    I also did medicated IUI cycles, of course. I actually did the unmedicated as “breaks” from full-on medicated. I used clomid (but Femara/letrozole work better for some), then in my successful cycle added Menopur injections on days 9 and 11 of the cycle, to help mature the eggs, then trigger shot on day 13 and insemination on day 14. I think it’s worth asking about Femara, Menopur, whatever you can do to boost your chances without egg harvesting, though I’m happy you’ve got IVF on your radar. I’d just want to exhaust the options before doing IVF.

    But I would also add, as I’ve done here before, that you should have your Vitamin D levels checked, as the successful cycle was also the first one where my Vit D levels were normal after finding severe deficiency. There are studies linking Vit D deficiency to reduced fertility in rats, and it really can’t hurt, might help.

  • Valery Valentina

    A Plan and A TimeLine. sounds lovely. I just want it to work for you.
    I can’t remember, did your thyroid tests come back yet?
    When my thyroid panel showed thyroid antibodies I took prednisolone, aspirin, eutirox (=thyroid med) plus estrogen patches and progesterone pills if i remember correctly.
    Seems to have allowed for implantation. Love “extending uterine diplomatic immunity”.
    I avoid FB, that wasn’t me. I only posted a link to “knowing an infertile” on what should have been Mel’s Friday Roundup.

  • Twangy

    That sounds eminently sensible. After all, Dr E knows medicine but you know you. The plan must feel and be do-able and not involve nunneries or losing of sanity.

    I do hope you are feeling better, now? You are very brave and stoic, and there’s not a wimpy cell in you.

  • Amy

    I posted a link to your Five Stages of Knowing an Infertile on an Ask Moxie post – not directly on FB, but there is a page for Ask Moxie on FB, so it may have migrated that way? Hope that’s okay – if it’s at all worrisome, I can surely get it removed – just let me know!

  • wombattwo

    A plan is always good, and lets face it, with the amount he’s being paid he should come up with a decent one. Hope the one formulated sits well with you, but don’t forget to listen to the gut. Guts know what they’re talking about, when they’re not forcibly ejecting their contents, that is.

    Also, if you’re ovulating, there’s zero point in clomid, not to mention the fact that it actually made you anovulatory, so if he suggests it then I shall join you in the biting. Except I don’t really want to bite him, so shall scream instead.

    Oh May, I wish this wasn’t so complicated for you.

  • bionicbrooklynite

    That all sounds very wise and sensible, though I expect you may have to choose your naked running street carefully in order to ensure proximity to both convent and lab. But you library types are aces at such detail work, yes?

    By the way, what is LIT? Is it a thing we ‘mericans don’t do?

    Drugged but sincere x’s and o’s

    • Jenny F. Scientist, PhD

      We do it in Mexico, my dear. It’s banned by the FDA here (for some good reasons and some bad reasons).

      • bionicbrooklynite

        Wow! Now that I am am in my daytime mode of achy but literate, I can irk google. That is interesting stuff! I’m glad you and H won’t have to skulk around border-town mcdonald’s to try it, though.

        • bionicbrooklynite

          Heh. That was supposed to be “work” google. I’d love to think I am sufficiently powerful to irk google, but I doubt it.

        • ukwhiskeytangofoxtrot

          I can confirm that we did in fact, skulk around border town McDonalds for LIT. Three times no less. And we took our 4 year old with us because we don’t live near relatives and had nowhere else to leave her.
          And May, the experience I had obviously doesn’t mean that you will have the same since your body seems extremely uncooperative and mine just slightly so. But I had no side effects from the treatment. The hanging around a dodgy McDonald’s in Nogales holding US$ in an envelope and waiting for a dude in a white van was far more frightening than the actual treatment.
          Happily we now have six month old twin boys. I am convinced, no LIT would have meant no babies.

  • Katie

    A plan! A plan! We like plans!
    I know you won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with, so I guess it’s a case of persuading Dr Expensive to do the things you think are sensible in the right order)
    I’m afraid I don’t put links to other people’s blogs on FB because I’m a bit shy to even admit that I read about some of the problems I’ve had, to some of my FB friends.

  • Korechronicles

    Having a plan is always good and I hope Dr Expensive comes up with one that has workable elements for all involved.

  • manapan

    Come on, workable plan!

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