Seriously, there is too much

Item – I managed to go to several Paralympic events, despite Shark Week. I remember very little of two of them, because I was completely off my feckin’ face on tramadol, and I spent another running to the loo every twenty minutes because even super plus extra tampons were Just Not Helping (thank fuckitty for aisle seats). (Incidentally, the Olympic Park Venue is now added to the alas lengthening list of Public Places I Have Bled On The Lavatory Floor Of – I’m not proud). I am very pleased, grateful (to Fate, and to H, for looking after me) and, for the moment at least, delighted to be British (this won’t last. I’m far too cynical a human being to do Patriotism for more than a fortnight at a time).

Item – Worst, most vile, throwing-up-painful day of Shark Week was of course the day I was supposed to be having my occupational health interview. I had to phone and cancel. I couldn’t stand up. There was a pitiful bit where I tried to get dressed and get the paper-work together while not daring to put my bucket down in case I Needed It With Urgency (‘where’s mah bukkit‘), and then Bitter McTwisted finally managed to get The Positive Thinking Fairy in a head-lock long enough for common sense to reassert itself – ‘will you crawl to the bus like this? How about the train? Would you like to throw up on a train? What if there are no seats? Will you STAND and throw up on the train? No? Go the fuck back to bed, moron.’ So now the whole thing is going to have to be rescheduled. Arse.

Item – Incidentally, HR liaison sent me email along the lines of ‘Why did you miss your appointment?’. Given that I’d spent most of the previous week discussing with them the very real possibility I’d be too bloody ill to go to it, I thought this so ridiculous I had to sit on the fifth draft of my reply all afternoon before I could make myself delete most of it and send the sixth, very brief and polite, version. I mean, really.

Item – Metformin. I have been taking it for two weeks now (barring puke-day of Shark Week, for obvious reasons). I have gone from one pill a day to two pills a day. Soon, three pills a day. I – oh Lord, do I dare say this out loud? – I haven’t had any kind of diarrhoea or upset stomach. Yet. Quick, get me some wood to touch (H, stop sniggering. And you. You can stop sniggering too).

Item – H and I have discussed (mostly, because I fell into A Rage), things about Dr Expensive’s proposed treatment regime that are giving me the yips. I am finding the idea of doing multiple au naturel cycles with LIT, Intralipids, clexane, steroids and progesterone FUCKING BATSHIT CRAZY, thank you very much. H and I are going to write Dr Expensive an email asking for moar better explanations.

Item – To be fair, Dr Expensive’s reasoning seems to be that in the past year-and-a-half, in which I have not had a single positive pregnancy test, I have actually almost certainly been containing a fertilised embryo on several occasions, but my very-much-primed-by-repeat-exposure uterus/immune system is now extremely good at killing them stone-dead as soon as they implant, and therefore before they can chuck out noticeable amounts of HCG. Evidence for this? Those cycles in which my luteal phase was a day or even two longer than usual, and my temperature didn’t drop until the day I started bleeding (rather than two days before), and I felt extra sicky and weird and aware of my nipples. As this reasoning raises my lost-embryos-I-could-have-loved count to double figures, the very idea gives me the screaming meemies. However, Dr Expensive therefore seems to think that I could get pregnant again very quickly, and if I am stuffed full of immune-suppressants and anti-inflammatories and anti-coagulants, the putative embryo WILL have a bat’s chance in hell.

Item – This next cycle, now on day 9, is not going to be the one we do medicated, because the United States are still cherishing the divot Dr Expensive hoiked out of Cute Ute. H and I are going to practice having lots and lots of regular sex, anyway, especially as we have a weeks’ holiday to entertain ourselves in.

Item – My blogging mojo has vanished. I’ve made a temporary replacement out of toothpicks and gaffer-tape, but I’d rather have the real good old mojo back.


28 responses to “Seriously, there is too much

  • H

    I think this blog post is very attractively made out of tampons and Olympic tickets/travelcards 🙂

  • a

    That was quite a bit, wasn’t it? Did you reschedule your appointment for a better time? And really, they had to ask why you missed it? Oh, the irony of missing it anyway!

    • May

      I can’t reschedule it myself. HR have to do that for me. I have been told, in disapproving tones, that this will take four or five weeks. Oh, just in time for my next period, then. Wonderful.

  • MelissiaKregis

    You know the only thing that happened when I started metformin was that my PCOS symptoms went away, I stopped being hungry all the time and I lost a considerable amount of weight. I ramped up my dosage pretty quickly without any gastric distress, but your mileage may vary.

  • minichessemouse

    Sending hugs and gin and chocolate. Erm ‘enjoy’ your holiday

  • Sheila

    Maybe you should arrange the interview for the same time next month but arrange to skype into it, so that they can see just how ill you are?!

  • Womb For Improvement

    Hideous having to miss your appointment and have the stress of a rearrange and a skeptical HR department.

    I know that trying ‘normally’ albeit with every drug helping you along might seem like a long shot but it does appear that you can get pregnant the deal is keeping it in for longer. Hopefully it won’t be multiple au natural cycles, just one or two short months.

    • May

      I can’t even do my own rearranging. I am totally at the mercy of HR, and have to copy my line manager and my line manager’s manager in on all correspondance regarding this matter. So intrusive. So no comfortable. Am THIS CLOSE to giving over and emailing them all a blow-by-blow account of exactly how many tampons I got through this month.

      Hopefully. *wistful hug*

      • Jenny F. Scientist, PhD

        The phrase ‘line manager’ always brings Charles Stross to mind, particularly that novel where the line manager summoned and was eaten by an ancient evil, or something like that.

  • korechronicles

    Given the circumstances across the board – endo/adeno, shark weeks from hell, HR hovering and tutting, ute scraping, drug protocol with more instructions than complex aerospace program, general widespread anxiety RPL, uncounted embryos, and the all pervasive presence of Dr Expensive and what that means, I am in awe of the fact you can sit at a keyboard and knock out a blog post at all. So sorry for all of it and hoping that the holiday and its …ahem…side benefits manage to give you some restorative relief. xx

  • Melissia

    I did want to add that my greatest hope is that it only takes one or two super complicated spread sheet medicated cycles for you two to get your take home baby.

  • Katie

    How daft is it that they can’t work out that someone who has missed a lot of work due to long term illness might, erm, be ill?

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Fear not, I have found your diarrhoea and upset stomach! I am *ahem* minding them for you, although I will try and discreetly lose them both somewhere.

    Hurrah for a week’s holiday! I will order up some Glorious Weather!

    If you find my blogging mojo under yours, give it a kick and send it home?

    • May

      You’ve had EVERYONE’s upset tummy this summer. You really should stop that. Most draining for you. (Draining! HAhahahahahaha ohh, never mind).

      H is threatening to take me to IKEA. The glamour.

      Your mojo is under mine? Oo-er, missus. I shall find a bucket of cold water and a broom toot sweet.

    • Amy P

      I could give you my address, deliberately mess up the zip code, and then you could mail me the digestive problems. That should get them lost, surely? If, by some twist, I actually get a lumpy package that says “From HFF” on it, I’ll just leave it out for the alleged bear.

      • Hairy Farmer Family

        I think I should take a leaf out of the bear’s book and take myself off to the woods to… ummm, well, you know! Goddamn antibiotics. Green crap and the WORLD’S WORST (I will not be argued with on this point, no, not even a little bit) case of thrush. Bah. Am unfit for civilisation.

        • May

          This is the ONLY hippy-dippy clappy-happy remedy I swear by (too many dippy hippy experiences growing up, also see acupuncture FAIL a few years ago) – but plain live yoghurt. Must be live, you know, lactobacillus acidophilus, Lactobacillus bulgaricus and Streptococcus thermophilus (you know, nice friendly strep, not strep cunt strep). You can eat it (might help with green crap – or am I teaching egg-sucking here?), but it really helps (and this is the dippy hippy happy clappy bit) if you soak a tampon in it and, err. Messy, but soothes the itch like NOTHING ELSE. Even better than canesten.

  • kylie

    That I have been pregnant and it disappeared without me realising is one my hidden fears. That steps that could have been taken were not. So fingers and toes crossed that the extra something will help them stick around.
    On a totally random and possibly useless note- apparently kiwi fruit help. They have some form of “natural aprin” that helps. I don’t know the degree to which they really help (the person who told me has had 11 unsuccessful IVF cycles) but way to identify a food I am going to hate 20 years from now. Have you heard this? is this something the internets knew and failed to tell me?

    And yogurt covered tampon. um definitely a picture i wasn’t expecting but surely that is a business opportunity? Why don’t supermarkets offer bundled deals of all natural yogurt and tampons? or ibuprofen and choclate ( the best cure I have for period pains)

    clearly working 12 hour days is having an effect on me…

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