Final hurdle before the next set of hurdles

Item – Day 3 of shark-week. I only threw up once! *Flings arms in the air, does victory lap of kitchen*

Item – On the other hand, fourth day off work. I am tapering down from diclofenac to mefenamic acid, and while the cramps are, well, OK, they are fucking horrible, but aren’t making me puke, so yay, I feel like the ligaments and scar tissue where my left ovary used to be are a nuclear fireball. But I cannot bear more than nine doses of diclofenac-up-the-jacksie. It’s sore, OK? And I am also sick of taking tramadol, which deprives me of about 50 IQ points and makes me doze off in inelegant drooling postures. Tramadol before bed may still be necessary. Argh.

Item – My lap-top is broken. The hinge went *crunch* the other day, which alarmed me, and I showed it to H (Computer Man chez nous), who declared it cracked, and then nobly ‘fessed up that he might have been the chap to crack it, that time he got onto the bed with me to stroke my hair. So he took it to Lap-Top Hospital (and I spent the day watching Olympics on his iPad, so that was Fine By Me). Hence radio silence. Lap-top is home again, but needs a spare part, so I can’t close it in case the next crunch wrecks the screen. If I disappear again, it’s because I forgot, and killed the poor noble beast.

Item – So it was very lovely, on getting poor lap-top back, to find all the comments on my last post. New people! Lurkers! Stalwarts! I salute you all! Group hug!

Item – I have sent a sample of my menstrual blood, via Fed-Ex, to Greece, of all places, to get it analyzed for Evil Diseases. It all went very smoothly. H called the delivery people, they gave us a collection time, H jury-rigged an ice-pack, I read the instructions about collecting a couple of millilitres of blood, drop by drop, in several sessions if need be, by holding the top of the (open) vial to one’s vaginal opening (no, really?) and snorted, because the main problem we were going to be having with that was accidentally fedexing them half-a-pint. And then I cleverly wrapped the collection vial in clingfilm and tissues to protect the label, and collected about 10ml in one quick oops (told you), and carefully removed the sodden tissues and cling-film (oh, so clever, yes I am) and put the vial in the fridge next to the eggs until the fedexman came, exactly when they said he would, and took the parcel away. I’m sure I signed something, but, did I mention tramadol? I’m still incredibly impressed that I thought of the cling-film-and-tissues trick. I rock. And then I lay down.

Item – And now we wait. Also, confusion reigns as to whether I actually did have a thyroid panel or not. Bugger.


18 responses to “Final hurdle before the next set of hurdles

  • Jo.

    Ummm…yay? Not quite sure what the protocol is for
    congratulating folks on collecting things that really should never be collected, but I am ohsoglad that things are moving forward. Thank you for being brave (or drug-addled) enough to share your indignities with the rest of us. It brought a shameful smile to my face this morning.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    You have always rocked.
    You will always rock.

  • manapan

    You totally rock! Your idea to protect the vial was genius. I might have to start carrying plastic wrap in my purse for my next urine collection. I always feel nasty when I hand off the cup, even after I wash it.

  • Betty M

    The things we do eh?? Rocking all round in chez May.

  • twangy

    We wait and cross fingers tightly in hopes of a good outcome. Greece, really? Huh. The modern world is truly bizarre.

    Hoping tomorrow you will be all Aok and ready for Olympic or other action.

  • Bionic Baby Mama

    what a world. one cannot carry an orange into california, and you’re mailing your menses to GREECE. what. a. world.

    terrible thing that only throwing up once is in the “sliiight bobble on the landing” category, but i suppose it’s better than doing the equivalent of that poor girl who vaulted onto her face. (ps, your olympics coverage is SO much better than ours, it would make one sick, if one didn’t have Ways. i’m glad you’re not stuck in bed with our lot for company.)

    pps XOXOXO

  • a

    You are very clever.

    Here’s to not doing further damage to the laptop before the part comes in…

  • wombattwo

    I feel for your laptop. I coughed and my lower back crunched mightily the other day. I don’t think it’s a good sign!
    And to think I used to consider catching urine samples in those little pots tricky. (Now of course, I can pee on demand, in any direction…)
    The Olympics are the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. Hope they’re working for you too.

  • Womb For Improvement

    I hope that you sent any payment required for the sampling in dollars rather than euros because by the time that blood gets there who knows …

    Impressed at your MacGyver-like use of clingfilm and tissues.

  • Elizabeth :: Bébé Suisse

    To stroke your hair! Either he’s a real gentleman or that’s the best euphemism I’ve ever heard.

    Wishing your menstrual blood a very happy Greek holiday.

  • kylie

    It’s like the torch relay, but in reverse. Hopefully no one will try to disrupt the fedex people as they carry the blood from one end of Europe to the other.

    If you configure your site somehow, wordpress will let you write posts on the iPad. (just in case the the hinge does go). Results in lots of irritated swearings as Apple autocorrects incorrectly, but it allows postings and gives everyone their fix of posts.

  • Valery Valentina

    Did you see the google hurdle doodle yesterday?
    Hope the laptop screen is still alive, or maybe even fixed already. Feeling a bit better now?

  • korechronicles

    Our total dependency on technology worries me slightly. This was illustrated becomingly at Villa Ciuro when I switched on the verandah spotlight last night, jumped mightily from the sparks and bang that ensued and then found out that I had blown out the internet cable, Foxtel, two televisions and the washing machine and dryer. With nothing else much to do, especially making fun of our excruciating Official Olympic Commentator, we had to make conversation after dinner. Once the electrician restored out technology, the men of the household immediately uninstalled Conversation 8.0 and returned to various iterations of screen watching.

    I often spend my rare idle moments amusing myself by wondering what would happen to the world if a massive virus took out every single server on the planet at the same time. We’d be fighting for food in the streets within a week.

    Meanwhile, thanks to your slightly damaged technology, by hair-stroking…H you rock!.. I am able to giggle at your collection antics and thought of that little vial enjoying a Shirley Valentine moment in Greece. Although too much tramadol might make it sleep through any exciting bits!

    • Anonymous

      I always think most of the first world is only two square meals away from complete barbarianism. *checks barbed wire stocks*

    • kylie

      Technology dependency is very embedded around here.
      While I have succeeded thus far in limiting our tv numbers to 1 (there are two of us, 1 tv and 8 computers, another tv would just be silly) I do note that the most traumatic thing about our recent move for my husband has been the fact that we may not have internet for a week because Telstra and TPG are slow moving companies. This is way more important than the cockroach skittering across the floor, or the clean we will have to undertake in the old place, or even whether or not the furniture will fit.
      The internet is way more important than all of these mundane things, never mind the fact that the current website of interest is Pinterest.
      And those 8 computers- somehow we have 4 laptops, only 1.5 of which are in actual use. (the little one gets .5 because it got misplaced a month ago and it took until yesterday for my husband to realise- the only one in actual day to day use is mine). I would happily send over one of the other two, but both are at least 6 years old and have done time as kitchen computers, so may be somewhat splattered.

  • And this is not my life | Nuts in May

    […] gave up on Dr Expensive – the saying one thing and doing another. So wearing (incidentally, I FED-EXED MY MENSTRUAL BLOOD TO GREECE. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THAT LOT, EH?))), so this made a very nice […]

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