I’d got as far as the bus-stop this morning, when my lower bowel decided (unilaterally, I might add. No consultation with the rest of me what so ever) that it didn’t care for, oh, something, and wanted whatever-it-was outside, stat. I sprinted back home in terror, flung the door open, belted past a startled (and half-dressed) H, and locked myself in the lavatory for 20 minutes. Then I came out to bitch about it all, and went back in for another 30 minutes. Came out, phoned work, feeling like a total fucking idiot, went back in. And so on, all morning.

Thank you, Universe. Thank you right in your face.

I was careful, yesterday (if I eat a Bad Thing, it takes between 12 and 24 hours to give me cramps and diarrhoea). I did not eat a single thing that could even possibly contain gluten, or bananas, or wine, or any of the other things that irritate my digestive tract. I have cut out coffee, I have cut out dairy (my eczema was flaring. I am so attractive right now). And I’m not ill. Apart from not daring to be more than a few second’s sprint from a lavatory, I feel fine. My guts should be the happiest guts in the kingdom, ungrateful little weasels that they are.

H is of the opinion that after a migraine, I can suffer several days of ‘postdrome’. He has a point – I was still slurring my words and transposing phonemes (Spoonersims ahoy!) on Sunday night, despite the migraine (The Migraine!) thwopping me one last Tuesday. I also know a lot of people get diarrhoea pre-and-post-migraines. Could it be that? A week later? Do I need to keep a headache-and-the-shits diary (don’t answer that. Of course I do).



8 responses to “Complaint

  • Hat

    Hope you are feeling better soon. I have a box of Immodium in my bathroom incase of days like this. But enjoy the day off, if you can.

  • bionicbrooklynite

    Totally sounds like migraine to me. Perhaps not so much truly post as just a mild end or beginning, is how I think of these things. The slurring and aphasia is strong in me at those times.

    Also, ugh, groan, so yuck.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    My inexplicably unpredictable and haphazard innards send a big gloomy shout-out to yours.
    And I thought driving home at TOP speed was bad; the spectre of public transport and No Toilet… Gah. And Eeep.

  • a

    Aw, that sucks. I hope this is the only time you experience this sort of unfortunate event.

  • kylie

    That is not good. Could it be apple juice or apples? I have discovered the hard way that something in apples causes the other contents of the intestinal system to want to exit now. It’s especially awesome when someone has provided an item sweetened by apple juice, as there is no opportunity to prepare. It’s also a reaction that can suddenly exist- I used to love apple juice and drink lots- now not so much.

  • Laurel

    Ugh, that sounds absolutely awful.

    This is completely layperson talking out of my ass, but the way your body seems so unhappy in so many ways does make me wonder if there’s something to this autoimmune angle. Migraine AND digestive issues AND reproductive issues all together. I don’t know, maybe it’s just that the reproductive stuff and the digestive stuff are infringing on one another somehow (thinking of your “bulky” uterus), but it seems like there has to be some sort of common cause or factor.

    At any rate this sounds like a terribly painful and uncomfortable time for you in so many ways and I really wish at least some of it would improve.

  • Twangy

    I am fervently hopeful that this too has passed. So to speak! Sorry.
    Oh poor May. “Having a situation”, as we call it in this house, is misery.

    The diary sounds like an idea.

  • Korechronicles

    Have finally hammered WordPress and its inexplicable, totally unjustified hatred of my password, into unwilling submission. Uncertain as to how long before it cracks it yet again and hurls me kicking and screaming back into the dark hole of internet radio silence, As has been its wont for most of this year.

    I am quickly waving my hand around to let you know while I may have been sent to Comment Coventry, I am still reading along, grimacing in all the right places and screaming “WTF UNIVERSE?” at my computer, while sending you the very strongest of cyberspace hugs and sympathy whenever you post.

    And a headache and the shits diary sounds like something I could use. Would you like me to make you one?


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