Answers and the like

Oh! News! We got the results of H’s sperm DNA fragmentation test. And it was….


Completely normal! DNA Fragmentation index, 15.9% (excellent is under 15%, fair to good is 25% to 15%, fair to poor 25% to 50%, oh crap over 50%). High DNA stainability (ie, sperms with immature chromatins and unusual proteins, leading to poor fertilisation rates (which wasn’t really an issue we ever had) 16.1%. Over 25% is considered a bit troubling.

So there’s that.

I confess to a peculiar and indigestible feeling of ‘oh, so you mean we can’t just give the fuck up and put the cash towards six weeks in New Zealand/Canada/Japan/Rajasthan/Antartica delete-as-applicable?’

I mean, I’m relieved as hell.

I’m sad it’s all me, because I feel like a Weight and an Affliction in this marriage (H begs to assure you all he doesn’t think of me in that way at all, and as far as he’s concerned we’re in this together forever).

And where the hell are my thyroid results? I had them taken WEEKS before H’s second visit to the wankatorium.

Meanwhile, my next period is due in about ten days, so I can finally collect the uterine sample and then we’ll have all the tests and then Dr Expensive Will Pronounce and we can decide whether we can be having with any of it, or not, or what? (The Akond of Swat).

In further news, dinner with Dad and assorted siblings and nieces and nephews went very well and we had a very nice time. I don’t… wut? Seriously? I enjoyed it? The hell? It was as if the universe had benignly given me my real Dad back, the infuriating, talkative, charming, loving, cuddly Dad who raised me, and who I used to worship as a little girl. Foul-mouthed drunk grouchy arsehole Dad was a total no-show. He even found time to ask me, quietly, how my health was, and give me a big hug and tell me he was thinking of us and wishing there was something he could do. I damn’ near cried. Was only rescued by (cute, adorable) Sister-in-Law coming in with fresh cocktails. So I got plastered (H assures me that I nevertheless behaved perfectly throughout).

Yours, thoroughly discombobulated,


6 responses to “Answers and the like

  • Womb For Improvement

    That all sounds most satisfactory. I hope this is the start of a happy upward curve. (And don’t worry about being the broken one, I am too and I still manage to remind the husband how lucky he is to have me. Occasionally he’ll agree.)

  • a

    Staining sperm and looking at them under a microscope may be tedious (or so I’m told – I haven’t ever actually had to do it – that one time in biology lab, I heated the sperm sample too much and it blew out of my test tube. Who know hot sperm was self-propelling?), but it doesn’t take too long. Blood tests, however, involve chemicals and possibly centrifuging. Therefore, more time consuming.

    Glad to hear that H is relatively normal…at least in one sense. 🙂

    Also glad to hear that your dinner with family went well. I hope that continues far into the future…

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Some one, or nobody, knows I wot
    Who or which or why or what…

    What a fabulous link!

    YAY! for boingy sperm! YAY! for a parent being parenty! YAY! for the tiny bit of drunkFB-ing!

    Hopefully the Thyroid Results have not been filed behind the door saying Beware of the Leopard, and a brave administrator will unearth them shortly, before giving you the results in all their numerical glory.

    Canada is nice, btw. Keen to try fabulous-sounding New Zealand, but SUCH a long way.

  • twangy

    As so often in this IF universe one is forced to do all sorts of complicated double-thinking. I mean, it is definitely decidedly GOOD that no problem has been detected chez H. But a problem with a arrow on it saying press here for instant solutions, doesn’t sound so bad. Urg. The comfort comes only in crumb sized portions, it is true. Damnit.

    Good to hear your dad was in proper dad form, though.

  • Elizabeth :: Bébé Suisse

    Perhaps you behaved perfectly because you got plastered? Sometimes it helps me in the comportment department!

    I’m glad for your good news on the sperm test, but a bit bewildered why the thyroid tests would have taken more than just a couple days. Maybe you have extra-special blood.

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