Phase change

On Tuesday we, H and I, went back to see Miss Consultant for my post-surgery now-what appointment.

I’d’ve written about it sooner, but my period turned up a day early and proceeded to trample me into the dust of the carpets (literally (as in, yes, really. Also, we should hoover more often)). I don’t know if it was a spectacularly bad one anyway, or because it turned up early I didn’t transition from mefenamic acid to diclofenac quickly enough (I normally take mefenamic acid the day before I start, and then switch to the diclofenac when I bleed, but it was early, so I was taking only the mefenamic acid when the bleeding ramped up, and ohhh, God Almighty), but I ended up lying face down on the floor, unable to stand up because the muscles in my left thigh had gone absolutely rigid with cramp, groaning, sobbing, speechless, and vomiting. H in the end tucked hot-water-bottles round me and a blanket over me and sat on the floor next to me for a while, stroking my back. Eventually the drugs kicked in and I went to bed. I didn’t sleep much. The pain had abated to not-vomiting, but it was still bad enough to keep me awake, counting the hours until I could take another dose of diclofenac and more tramadol.

Today I feel a lot better. I even ate half a mug of chicken soup with rice, and drank several cups of tea, and I haven’t been sick again. I feel like I’ve been beaten with baseball bats and I am so tired I keep dozing off, but so much better.

So that put rather a crimp in everything.

(I am very annoyed it hurt so much. I am also very annoyed I can’t really tell if it actually was Really Bad, or because I screwed up the medication plan which Must Not Be Screwed Up. Honestly, I’ve learnt that the hard way before. *Head-desk*. Whereas if it was Really Bad, then what the hell have I been ignoring wheat for for over two months? Gah).

Anyhoodle. Miss Consultant’s post-surgical what-next consultation. For which I was not late, despite the best efforts of public transport. Huzzah!

First, Miss Consultant was pleased I’d lost a little more weight since she’d last seen me. I didn’t tell her it’d’ve been more but for the January ricepotatosugar-athon. I just smiled demurely.

We then admired my insides – well, Miss Consultant and I admired my insides. I think H was admiring the ceiling tiles. We went over the details again – normal healthy-looking ovary with no cysts (that’s what regular(ish) cycles will do for a gonad), nice clear fallopian tube, inside of uterus very good with no polyps or damaged areas of lining or fibroid intrusions. On the other hand, said uterus is ‘globular’ and was too big and in-the-way for Miss Consultant to get her instruments in under it, and there was a leetle patch of endometriosis or two in there. You’ll be relieved-and-bewildered (I know I was) to hear the patch is really quite tiny. The nasty squashed strawberry photo I saw right after surgery was an extreme close-up. So Miss Consultant was of the opinion it wasn’t interfering with anything at all, and that the significant cause of my extremely painful periods was actually Cute Ute and her giant bloater adenomyosis problem. Or, possibly, the small patch of endometriosis has found a main nerve to colonise, given the FORTHELOVEOFGODKILLME level of pain a trapped fart can cause at the wrong time of the month.

We then discussed the fact I haven’t been pregnant for an entire year despite regular cycles and regular sex (I may have only hinted at the regular sex. H was sitting right next to me). And, well, how did we feel about IVF?

We feel we are fresh out of other options, to be honest.

So we discussed what we needed to do to get back on that bandwagon. Miss Consultant’s clinic can’t do IVF for me, because of my geographical location, so she will have to refer me to another clinic absolutely fucking miles away. I was referred to them before, years ago, before I started getting pregnant all by myself and the NHS took IVF back off the table, and was ‘discharged’ for being too fat. So Miss Consultant worked out exactly how many more pounds I had to lose to suit their criteria, and as soon as I’ve lost them, she’ll refer me. She also decided to check my oestrogen/FSH balance, and see if my ovary is still in reasonable nick.

My last oestrogen/FSH day three blood test was taken a year ago. It was perfectly fine. My oestrogen was not too high and my FSH was 5… somethings, which is very well behaved of it. The women in my family tend not to go into menopause until their mid-to-late fifties, and several had spontaneous babies in their mid-forties. So hopefully, it will still be reasonable now. Hopefully? I’m hoping now? What is this, optimism? I must be high. If it stops bloody snowing, I shall go to the clinic tomorrow and get the test done right away.

(Yep, it’s snowing again. We’re actually having a winter! Imagine!)

H and I discussed it on the way home. Do we do this via the NHS? Do we see if we can get referred to Miss Consultant’s clinic rather than this stupid effin’ miles away clinic? How long is the waiting list these days? Do we at least look at going private? Is OHSS really a big worry (H is terrified of it)? Do we really want to do this? Do we really want to reach our forties and think ‘well, we didn’t try everything…’.

Miss Consultant was very sweet as we were leaving. She mentioned we’d known each other a long time now, and she’d like us to stay in touch whatever we choose to do. Made my leathery pinched heart swell.

Right. Diet and exercise. Just as soon as I can stand up without trembling.

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16 responses to “Phase change

  • Jem

    What nice progress. You are well on your way to having an actual plan on how to move forward. Yippee!

  • Betty M

    Gah the IVF rules are rubbish. I remember trailing over the other side of London for my NHS cycle. But felt even sorrier for those from way out in Hertfordshire making the same trek out West. I’d be tempted to try and get the NHS cycle if you can before the goalposts move again given how blooming expensive the whole thing is. Anyway I’m sorry you are having such a grim time this cycle but glad Ms Consultant was so nice.

  • a

    Good Lord, you’d think all that vomiting and not eating would help with the weight loss. NOT FAIR!!!!

    I guess it’s nicer to just check the old bank account and insurance rules and say “yes we can afford IVF,” or “I guess we’ll be joining Greece on the austerity measures until we have enough for IVF.” Rather than worry about waiting lists and such. Good luck with that decision.

    So, either it’s not the wheat or you’ve become sensitized to pain again…I don’t know if I’d want to experiment to try and figure that out. I’d probably just go back to bread.

  • QoB

    And if it is a main nerve I suppose they can’t just whip it out, as the rest of the time it probably controls important things like continence. (this only occurred to me because excising the nerve been suggested for a very minor problem of mine elsewhere so it’s on my mind). Silly, silly rogue wanderlustful endometrium.

    So, IVF, eh? I’m hoping for a low-cost low-stress option for you.

  • AMH

    Regarding IVF, I do think you’re over-worrying the OHSS. Yes, some PCOSers develop it, but it’s manageable (usually, you’ll need to freeze any fertilized embryos and implant the next cycle, because pregnancy re-ignites the OHSS problems).

    I don’t know about NHS’s practices, but do private clinics over there do low-dose IVF cycles? (Aka, “mini IVF”?) I’m a PCOSer and looked into doing a less-stimulated IVF cycle, which aims to retrieve 5-10 eggs vs. 15-20. It seemed more reasonable to me. I had great egg quality. Our problem was some unholy melange of PCOS, minor clotting issues, hostile cervical mucus and slightly-subpar sperm. But when egg quality is good, especially if they do ICSI, you generally don’t need so many eggs.

    • Hairy Farmer Family

      Pregnancy doesn’t always re-ignite the OHSS demon. I had a bad bout of struggling-to-breathe severe OHSS that didn’t re-occur during pregnancy, thankfully. of course, the pregnancy ultimately failed, so, not exactly a win. But yes, there is always freezing. Good old cryogenics.

  • Carole

    I’d certainly go for any NHS option offered first, although it sucks to be waiting until you lose the aribitary poundage of weight. Given the almost certain fact that there will be a waiting time and then a certain amount of consultant seeing, blood letting, scaning and H testing, why can’t they start the ball rolling now and assume that you will deal with the diet thing by the time they are ready to get medicinal?

    OHSS doesn’t sound like any fun at all, but won’t the fact that satsuma has no partner in crime to kick off and cause trouble make a difference? Not that I’m under-estimating her, of course!

    Perhaps it doesn’t happen in the UK, but was there no talk of trying IUI a bit before going all Defcon 5 with IVF? It’d be a chance to see how satsuma behaves on the drugs, if nothing else.

  • Dr Spouse

    Will they stop you having your NHS cycle(s) if you have private cycle(s) in the meantime? not quite clear on that one, might not have been reading for comprehension.

  • wombattwo

    A plan is a plan…

    How do you feel about ivf?

  • Korechronicles

    It seems that Miss Consultant is much, much nicer and on the ball than the staff of her jolly old booking service. Small mercies, no?

    A plan always makes me feel like I am Doing Something so I hope that you are feeling more positive as well. And I second the idea of referral NOW dammit and weight loss will be taken care of before first appointment. Why, yes, I DO believe in Santa Claus. How did you know?

    As for the adeno and pain issues, well…tramadol. How I wish that had been on the menu twenty years ago. And BOOOOO to the period sneaking in under the radar and stuffing up a perfectly good medicinal routine.

    Holding thumbs for massively improved pregnancy odds in 2012.

  • Erin

    I wondered the same thing that Dr. Spouse asked. (Silly yank, knows nothing (blissfully) about how NHS operates). I also wonder if you might try samsutra on drugs towards an IUI only because some of the pain you’re experiencing might be exacerbated by the drug cocktail. Seeing as it would be difficult to become much more miserable than you seem to be for 2 weeks of each month, I worry about what drugs might do to upset that apple cart as it were. In any case, I’m hoping for good things for you.

  • Bionic Baby Mama

    enh, i wouldn’t let the OHSS worries stop you. i had it (admittedly mild-ish, as in, no hospitalization or giant draining needles), and while it wasn’t fun, in the scheme of things, it wasn’t so bad, either. and this is me talking, and i complain about every blessed thing. depending on what kind of cycle you do (and i’m assuming you will do some kind of cycle, because moving forward seems like a good idea from where i’m sitting, but of course it’s your view that matters), you could talk about the possibility of triggering with lupron rather than HCG (lower risk of OHSS; slight risk of failure), as dr. BF brought up as a possibility when it became evident that perhaps i hadn’t needed QUITE such a high dose of the stims, or, of course, a freeze-all cycle. very manageable problem, OHSS, especially if you know going in that it might be an issue.

    i am so glad miss consultant is so nice. hugs to her.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    My own personal assvice: go with where you’re happy with the staff, the travel, and the atmos. It all matters. And, if the NHS will let you go private first… go private first. If you never use your NHS cycle because the first cycle worked – it won’t keep you awake of nights with stress. Waiting for the NHS’s hoops to be jumpable, ont he other hand, can flatten the zen-est type of person with raving anxiety and frustration. And you have suffered rather a great deal of that type of nastiness already, and I feel it may be time to just power onwards, if you feel that all your stars are in alignment in that particular direction. Of course, I am probably the world’s worse Waiter, which does tend to always colour my advice a smidge!

    And I’m sorry for the Bad Month, sweetie. Bastard, bastard internals.

  • valeryvalentina

    A few days later…. and I still have a picture of H building a tent with hot water bottles and a blanket (now topped with an image of that muppet behind the piano) stroking your back. Sorry for that much pain, and for the lack of an early gluten free miracle.
    Right now the ticker is on 1 pound lost again, yay for a step in that hard direction. Wish I could help and lose a pound for you. I’ll try anyway. Never know with this universe.
    hugs

  • Tired woman is sick and tired of being sick and tired « Nuts in May

    […] I lost my left ovary to a gigantic rogue teratoma that twisted and ruptured when I was 18. However, when I last saw Miss Consultant, the other week, she showed me photographs of my innards, and lo-and-behold most of my left tube is still there […]

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