Is a little hacked off

Item – First week back at work after a week-and-a-half off? Was naturally the week everyone and everything chose to Kick Off. Meetings were scheduled, in which we were told, variously, that half a dozen people were resigning and wouldn’t be back after Christmas; that several people were going on maternity leave in the New Year; that we weren’t getting replacement staff for x, y and z positions; that the senior staff had come up with a genius new idea to change service provision for certain groups, which would mean us the front-line staff would basically spend all January being shouted at, harangued, wept at, emotionally blackmailed and argued with – and not one of us thinks this, uh, change is clever, and what’s more, the person whose grand idea it is has resigned, so won’t be there to see the fantastic mess resulting; that we’d all be doing more hours front-line despite the fact none of us have any down-time between front-line and back-room tasks now and we’re barely staying on top of back-room as is; and that if we have any objections to any of the above, we can always write a report for consideration by The Management. Oh, the fuck.

Item – I woke up at six this morning with a tummy-ache, that refused to go away, and morphed into The Dire Rear, so I spent several hours sitting on the loo making Regrettable Noises and worrying that I was going to be sick, too, any minute now. And then I fell asleep on the spare bed. And now I feel better. So what was that? It in no way seemed severe or unpleasant enough for Norovirus (of which I was afeard, as a friend I saw on Monday had it that evening (and he was dreadful-poorly, poor sod, though luckily only for the one night)), and then someone was disgustingly ill in the toilets at work while I was in the next cubicle on Thursday *shudder*). Anyway. I just ate some chicken. Let us see what the Turbulence Within makes of that.

Item – Meanwhile, all the fertile shenanigans have started a whole week earlier than they usually do, so either I will ovulate in the next 24 hours, or Satsuma has chosen this stressful moment to fuck with my head.

Item – Stress entirely increased by the fact I’ve missed work today (I don’t think my boss would’ve appreciated me turning up only to lock myself in the lavvy and groan through the keyhole), and Monday, when I expect to be swamped and busy, is Team Festive Lunch day, and last Team Festive Lunch day I was pregnant, and, ohh, you know how that worked out. I am anxious and tearful and have been for days and fully intend to carry on being so until bloody buggering January. Whereapon the full-on rogering that is the work craptastica will be operational, and I will be angry and rageful instead.

Item – Also, my first full week of Total Gluten Avoidance has resulted in the gain of one pound. Gain. Admittedly, the low-carb part went to hell as H and I experimented with wheat-free pasta, varying brands of, and I haven’t quite located places to get lunch near work that do Everything-Free Woo Food sans rice and potatoes. But still. Way to start, May. Enjoy the Dire Rear.


18 responses to “Is a little hacked off

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Ohhh, lovey, what a WEEK! The Powers That Be should not be allowed to reorganise and then depart. No. They should be nailed to their desks by their bloody hands, that’s what.

    John had the stomachy-upset-that-isn’t Noro last week, and I spent the succeeding time bathing in handgel like Cleo in asses milk, so I did, and running like hell whenever he came within 3 foot of me. He puked once, (but he is A Puker, and will do so under the slightest provocation. My cardiac sphincter is a one-way street if I can possibly help it) and spent the rest of the week intermittently getting to know the knotholes on the back of the toilet door. Good luck with the chicken.

    I have faith in Satsuma. Hear me, Sats? FAITH!

    • May

      I said to the Departing Reorganiser, I said, ‘can you provide guidelines as to how we’re supposed to break this to [relevant concerned user-group]?’ and they said ‘No, I’m leaving at Christmas.’

      I’m still utterly gobsmacked.

      Chicken behaved. Good. Right. It means I still go in utter terror that I’ll catch Norovirus next, but at least I haven’t caught it off my friend, so he can stop feeling pro-actively guilty about sharing his unpleasant night getting to know the exact pattern on our bathroom lino. And our lino is SO boring. I think there’s a market in there somewhere for lino with poems on.

      Hope John feels better stat, poor chap, and keeps his germs to himself.

      Satsuma, you hear? People have faith in you now. I have faith in you now. Fly, little ovary, fly!

  • Womb For Improvement

    Oof yes, I’m with you on the whole people leaving and no replacements. Because apparently our capacity for work is infinite. And aren’t we lucky we have jobs because did we know there is a recession on?

    • May

      Yes, the nice punch-in-the-face that is the ‘be thankful you have a job – there’s a recession on!’ remark, whenever a lass/chap wishes to have a bit of a whinge about how work, now, actually, really does suck more than it did. Totes, dudes. But no, my job sucks more and I have to be GRATEFUL for the suckitude. What am I, Oliver Twist? *sob*

  • katie

    Oh don’t get me started. Apparently even with two of us off at the same time our lot aren’t saving enough money for even a part time replacement.

    • May

      It’s Academia-wide, isn’t it? It’s driving me utterly mad. How can I do five extra hours a week on front-line? How? What exactly am I allowed to NOT do back-office? Eh? Gah.

  • a

    Based on recent Supreme Court decisions, it is apparently no longer allowed for anyone in my line of work to take extended sick leave, quit, retire, or die. Otherwise, the entire court case which hinges on your work will have to be thrown away. I got to spend a whole day watching people debate this issue (with me as the star player!) recently. Meanwhile, in order to “make our life better” (super secret code for “add more work”), one of my colleagues…let’s see, what would be the most appropriate description?…buggered up our network to the extent that no one could access it. And then he took a long weekend, so no one knew what it was that he did. It’s a wonder that anyone ever shows up to work without an assault rifle and six or seven fully loaded magazines.

    Dire rear makes me chuckle. You should really use a different description, as I don’t believe smiling is the appropriate reaction. Hope dire rear does not make a reappearance.

    Satsuma – no messing around. We would like perfect product in a timely manner or May will sic HFF on you!

    • May

      Oh, my word, he then WENT AWAY FOR A LONG WEEKEND? I’d’ve had his head on a spike over the corporate logo by lunch-time Tuesday. The TWERP.

      The dire rear is exactly that, though, isn’t it? How else could one possibly describe it? So far, rear has not been dire for 24 hours now, so I am feeling chirpy.

      … *pause* …

      Still fine…

      I’ve just thought – if Satsuma pops just about now, I shall spend Christmas Eve and Day puking and refusing to get out of the bathroom/bed. And we shall be at my mother’s! Bwahahahahahaahahahaaahahah!

  • Amy P

    I seem to remember that a mutual-online-friend-from-another-place gained at first after finding out she could not tolerate gluten and cut it out of her diet. She was absorbing more from her food. So maybe you’ll be getting more iron while you’re readjusting things?

    Faith also had Dire Rear this past weekend (well, just Sunday) after being sick in the middle of kid’s church (she was *trying* to get to the bathroom, poor thing and I was home taking care of Gracie, who’d been up half the night before with what I suspect was an earache, so they had to get Tom instead. Luckily, we live extremely close to the church.) She was fine Monday, though I kept her home Monday just to be sure.

    • May

      That’s a nice positive way of looking at it. Thank you, Amy, I shall cheer up now.

      The Dire Rear is galloping round the entire planet, I see. Bah Humbug. Both kids sick at once? DOUBLE EXTRA BAH HUMBUG.

  • Korechronicles

    Love the management think that goes on, or rather does NOT go on, when these stupid reorganisations are imposed upon the working poor. Then they have the nerve tell you are being empowered…to do your job and someone else’s at the same time. Feeling apprehensive about January on your behalf.

    Dire Rear indeed. Suffered an atypical migraine in sympathy with you. Mostly involving minimal pain and maximum chundering. Good thing it was not nasty virus…hope the chicken survived. So to speak.

    Satsuma…we’re expecting a super-duper Christmas effort from you. Do you hear me? There’s a whip still in the wings if you are not paying attention.

    • May

      January will be the proverbial Donkey’s Vulnerables Under Suction. Eheu.

      Sorry about the stupid Chunderdome migraine thing. GAH. I beg you not to suffer in sympathy with me any more ever again. Talk about going above and beyond.

      And now we shall turn and give Satsuma a *Hard Stare*.

  • manapan

    Ouch, what a week. Hoping things get better for you soon, though I can’t seem to find any wood to knock on in the hope that 2012 will be your best year yet.

  • Anonymous

    What a week, as my colleagues have pointed out. Sounds bloody awful, May. Extreme amounts of BAH HUMBUGGING on your account. Also, next week, be nice to May, okay?
    Poor stomach. Feel better.

    • May

      I once had a set of Christmas cards which had pictures of humbugs, as in the black-and-white striped boiled sweet, on them. I feel I should post a gigantic one of those to the Entire Universe.

      Stomach feeling a lot better, thank you kindly.

  • Lilian

    Urgh, your workplace sounds even worse than ours, and I didn’t think that was actually possible. You have my sympathy and empathy and anything else you’d like that will help.

    Glad you’re feeling better, stomach-wise.

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