Bear with me. I have questions after the whinging.

Item – I’m probably in a grouch-tastical mood because I’ve been in pain for four days and I am now, officially, Tired and Emotional, without the benefit of a good stiff belter of G&T into the bargain.

Item – I missed work today, and this was Very Wise, because I have had several infuriating soak-through-everything-in-lavish-gush moments, and I’ve been weaning myself off the diclofenac suppositories onto mefenamic acid by mouth again, and ended up with bad cramps.

Item – I can’t bear to take the diclofenac up-the-jacksie for more than three days in a row. It’s uncomfortable, damn it. It makes me sore. Not the act of shoving things up there in the first place – I use a great deal of KY Jelly (only use the tube seems to get in our household, eheu, gone are the days, etc.) and I do have slender fingers (OK, that’s TMI right there) – but diclofenac is a NSAID, and like most NSAIDs it is an acid – dichloranilino phenylacetic acid to be precise, and delicate mucous membranes + regular applications of acid = ow. Oh, come on, why do you think NSAIDs by mouth give you heartburn, gastric bleeds, and if you’re bloody lucky, ulcers? Exactly. Anyway. It gets sore, the cramps are less intense, so day four and five of my period, I take mefenamic acid by mouth instead, which works fairly well, especially when combined with tramadol, and I taper that down to paracetamol on day 5, and sometimes all my clever planning is pointless and I hurt. When I remember how much I used to hurt, this time last year, say, I feel happier about matters, admittedly.

Item – Any of you who have used progesterone pessaries during IVF cycles etc., will know that if you put things made of waxy grease inside your person, front or back, they melt, as they are designed to do, with body heat, and once the medication is absorbed, there is this, err, well, residue? Anyway, I dare not fart unless I am sitting on the toilet. Another very good and important reason to have spent at least 24-hours leaving my back passage unviolated before going back to work. Bet you all wanted to know that. Sure you did. Don’t look at me like that. This is The Human Condition. It’s practically Art.

Item – Enough of this bottom talk.

Item – I finally received the Official Letter from the Mothership Hospital regarding my laparoscopy in November. Progress!

Item – Did I mention the surgery coincides with arseholish precision with H’s birthday? Bah.

Item – Even more arseholery – given Satsuma’s current production schedule, the one she has kept up for over a year – I should still have my period on the day I’m supposed to be being sliced-and-diced. Given that my periods are a) heavy and b) require my taking shit-loads (no, wait. Ill-chosen term, considering the above. Let’s pretend I wrote shed-loads) of painkillers, NSAID and narcotic, can anyone tell me if either of these things will be a problem?

Item – H, bless him, is more worried about the painkillers. What if I can’t take them? What if I do take them and then they can’t do a general anaesthetic and it’s all cancelled? I told him I’d just not take them if that’s what they recommended and he blenched with horror.

Item – I am more worried that if I am bleeding heavily, they won’t do the surgery. Or, they’ll do the lap part but won’t do the hysteroscopy or check my fallopian tube for obstructions by flushing dye through it. Which will, to my mind, make the surgery about 70% a WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME. Let me explain. I know I have adenomyosis. It is not operable. If I have endo and it is operable, yay!, but it won’t fix my pain issues to have it removed. It may, however, improve my chances of getting pregnant and staying pregnant, so bring it on. However, my main fear, especially given that I haven’t been pregnant since February (unless I was in July, you know, when I had the 14-day-luteal phase May stop this train of thought RIGHT HERE. Thank you) – where was I? Oh, yes. I am afeared that I can’t get pregnant because the endometriosis or the fibroids or, fuck it, both, have blocked my fallopian tube. Or, the fibroids and/or adenomyosis have finally borked my uterine lining good and proper. So I need, need I tell you, to have the surgeon have a good look at the uterine cavity and check the tube. If these things can’t happen, I will pitch a fit the like of which will burn a hole straight though the atmosphere and incinerate the Moon.

Item – Another thing I therefore did today – call the Mothership Hospital to ask advice. I left a message. I left a second message. I talked to a human who said a nurse would call me back. ‘When?’ I asked. ‘Later today,’ she lied. Hmph. Guess what I’m going to be doing again tomorrow, from work this time, with added awkward?

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29 responses to “Bear with me. I have questions after the whinging.

  • Lilian

    Grr. I hate it when they don’t phone you back. Hope you get through to them tomorrow.

  • a

    Ugh. I don’t know about the cycle interfering, but I’m pretty sure they won’t approve of additional painkillers combined with general anesthetic, unless they know about it in advance. Which is complicated by the fact that you can’t get anyone on the fucking phone. ARGH! Maybe they can switch you around with someone else the previous week? That would be helpful.

  • AMH

    I was told they can’t do an HSG if you’re bleeding. Can’t flush bits of endometrium out through the fallopian tube and into your abdomen. Sorry about the timing.

  • Carole

    Utterly useless non-medical person here. So I have no idea. Sorry! However, if this is a procedure that depends on where one is in one’s cycle, would this not have been considered when planning it in? Seems odd that if things can’t take place when there is heavy bleeding, and they know that you do indeed bleed heavily on a regular basis, that they wouldn’t have put the two things together or at least warned you that [i]you[/i] had to? On the other hand, this [b]is[/b] the NHS, so…..

    I also have a vague memory that when I had a couple of HSGs, that they had to be planned early in my cycle, after the bleeding, before ovulation.

    Hope they start answering their bloody phone!

    • May

      Yep, this IS the NHS. So many people to schedule for day surgery there is NO WAY they’ll consider factoring in your cycle. Not when you’re on the same schedule as the man having his bile-duct dealt with and the bladder-stone removal and the tonsillectomy.

      I have a sudden desperate desire to go private on this. Ohhhhhh dear.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    I can’t imagine it’d make the surgery easier; I would ask for the next surgery date. When, of course, they deign to phone back. It should SURELY be only the next week, or next fortnight, latest, laps not being a rare occurence. I do not want the moon incinerated, and I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THAT.

  • Shannon

    Oh god, the pessary residue. It’s all come back to me now, I’d blocked out the horror of the IVF waxy bullets. Suffice to say…yes. Yes, many of us are nodding our heads out here with you.

  • bionicbrooklynite

    exuding wax from the nether bits ought to count as some sort of saintly indication, don’t you think? saint bea’s emanance, how’s that?

    when sugar had her polyp-scraping and endomerioma-slashing (and furtive pelvic look-around), they wanted her midcycle. (which was beautiful timing, resulting in a very grey sugar limping through an un-missable wedding, but heaps better than whatever twisted fairy thinks h’s birthday wish of “may in bed all day” should include post-op recovery.)

    • May

      St Bea’s emanance made me shriek with laughter. Thank you.

      We’re not expected to be mid-cycle. We get VERY STERN LETTERS telling us to use contraception the month of the procedure.

      Poor brave Sugar.

  • Womb For Improvement

    Oof what timing. And I absolutely get you on the “will call you back today thing”. When I promise to call someone back that day (not for medical purposes) I stick a post-it on my computer and do not leave the office until I have made that call. Even if it is to say I haven;t been able to get any answers but they haven’t been forgotten about.

    I mean. It is not hard, is it?

  • Melissia

    No NSAIDs usually for about 10 days before and after a procedure on this side of the pond due to the increased risk of bleeding. And you will not be able to take any additional meds, but that should not be an issue as my guess is that they will reschedule. Because if you do have any endo it will be bleeding during during your cycle which will obstruct their field of vision. It will also be more dangerous to remove if it is actively bleeding so they will want to wait. Sorry!

  • Korechronicles

    Hope by now that a real person has responded. But the NHS is a rule unto itself, no? And I’m sure the timing and the NSAIDS will be an issue as mentioned by other commenters already. How hard is returning a phone call. I hope it can be rescheduled so it is done post haste and without complications from your cycle. Because, I too, happen to be rather fond of the the moon.

  • Quiet Dreams

    The only silver lining might be that the surgery probably won’t be on H’s birthday if they reschedule. Unless, of course, he has more than one birthday.

  • Chickenpig

    Is it possible that if you need to reschedule, and (unfortunately) it sounds like you might, could you mention the possibility of having depot Lupr.on beforehand? I don’t know if they do that where you are, but it blocks the estrogen to your uterus and pretty much puts you into a state of chemical menopause…so no period, little blood, and less surgical worries. My doctor required it before I had my myomectomy, because less estrogen = less blood to my giant fibroid = more likely to keep my uterus. Depot Lupro.n is sometimes used here to help “cure” (not that it does, mind you, but it helps) endo, and it can shrink fibroids to easily operable nubbins. If you have already tried the stuff/ can’t do it because of your condition/ it is unavailable for your use I apologize in advance.

  • manapan

    Wishing you luck with getting someone on the phone to reschedule. And I hope it’ll come up quickly and at a much better time in your cycle. I can just imagine it: not being able to take your painkillers for the periods from Hell –> horrible pain and vomiting –> not being able to keep your painkillers down after surgery –> even more misery for poor May.

  • wombattwo

    I imagine that a lap/hyst would be difficult during your period, so I imagine they might want to reschedule. If you could get hold of them, of course… Another option may be to take norethisterone (think it’s that) to delay your period.
    Painkillers and GA is a difficult one. It would depend on the individual anaesthetist’s preferences I think. There are lots of painkillers around, however, and as long as they know what/when you’ve taken them they should be able to tailor the anaesthetic to you.
    Best of luck for getting hold of them…!

  • minichessemouse

    Oh may, that’s rotten timing!

    Sending a magic phone fairy your way!

  • kylie

    I hope by now you have heard from a human? If not-
    Bitter experience on both sides of the phone has taught me that the squeaky wheel does get the attention, but the polite squeaky wheel gets a better process.
    Not sure what the state of play in NHS is, but here in OZ they recently changed the requirements for making complaints- financial institutions in particular have to accept verbal, over the phone complaints. It’s amazing how flustered people get when you are willing to quote the regualtory guide that they are meant to be sticking to.
    Be polite, take names and don’t let them hang up.

  • twangy

    Please tell me you have conversed? With a human? Oh please.

    This is horrible, hair-rending luck. So sorry May.

    (Taking names is good advice. Repeat it back to them too. So they know you know. I know you know this.)

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