Where, oh where, is my sense of proportion?

Item – So. Currently. Mother is having surgery in less than a week. Father is having surgery in less than a month. I am having surgery in just over two months. *Hyperventilates*

Item – My annual review at work is on the same day my mother is having surgery. Bugger and damn.

Item – I have been off sick so amazingly often this year, that any normal employer would have fired me. From a cannon. Luckily, Higher Ed. in Britain is Not Normal, but this jolly state of affairs will not survive the increasing removal of government support long.

Item – A possibility of a job at another place, promotion, better pay, came up, alas too late for me to complete the application process (my inside source was not on the ball. Eh). But it did put me in a ferment. I am bored of my job. Not all of it, admittedly. I still like the geeky back-office bits. I’m just sick of dealing with people, fetching and carrying, and not being allowed to use my own initiative (my boss, who I actually quite like, is very against initiative, and very pro checking every tiny detail of everything with her. This Does Not Suit My Temperament). On the other hand, my place of employment is miraculously understanding about the sick-leave, I like most of my colleagues, and I have earnt good maternity leave as well (Bwahahahahahahaha! HAH!).

Item – And anyway, I’m not sure I want to carry on working for people. I have savings. I could go freelance.

Item – The savings will help pay for either a) a mortgage, b) IVF if it comes to that, c) being a stay-at-home parent, or d) going freelance. They will not cover all of the above, or more than one of the above. I am so fucking screwed.

Item – And there’s the sex thing. OK, so you may not care particularly, but the vision of The Rest Of My Life sans Sex makes me feel like chucking myself off a bridge, so it’s very much a biggy for me.

Item – I need to go and climb another mountain. Clearly it’s the only thing that stops me fretting myself into a pretzel while awaiting the measured tread of my period, armed to the teeth, laughing mercilessly as she draws ever closer.

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14 responses to “Where, oh where, is my sense of proportion?

  • valery valentina

    Mhm, and a late application for the other place is definitely out of the question? Would it not be good if they knew about you, just in case your dreamjob comes up?

    I don’t understand your vision in item 7. was the not-hurting a one off? did H go on strike? what did I miss? After the previous post I thought you were simply relieved and I was hoping things would be better and more comfortable now.

    If you want (more) company for climbing a mountain I could maybe grab a boat and a train and my big boots and help stamp some pretzels to dust…
    hugs

  • bionicbrooklynite

    yes, help. i’m lost on 7, too. not that this helps with the baby-making aspect, but is it painful even not near ovulation? i’m nursing an ovulation backache of the sort that, well, interferes myself, but it doesn’t hurt all month long. (and it could stop ANY TIME NOW, thank you.)

    (mine is caused by a great, honking endometrial cyst on my ovary, one of a set. the cysts, i mean. anyway, i was told i could have it out if it was bothering me too much, but i’m a chicken. i know you don’t want to lose functional bits of your ovary and therefore won’t want them going to gung-ho in there, but maybe there’s a possibility you have something similar and surgery could make it better? or am i being all pollyanna and trying to fix things instead of just saying dammit, dammit, i’m sorry there are shitty things?)

    i am the original chicken when it comes to leaving jobs. pity mine is untenable.

  • korechronicles

    Can you get to New Zealand by October 3rd? You can do this walk with me:

    http://www.queencharlottetracknz.com/

    I know it is pissy little hill compared to mammoth mountains in the Motherland but one does what one can. I’ll let you climb it more than once if that helps.

  • Womb For Improvement

    I’m now imagining you as a freelance librarian going round and forcibly sorting people’s books. Possibly with a reading list prescription.

  • a

    Well, I would comment, but my husband just showed me a receipt that says he has just been given $24,000 in his unemployment account, and I am half drunk on one glass of Bordeaux, so I have no idea what to say. Submit a late application?

  • twangy

    It is a huge lot for one person. Oh, May. It’s got to get better.

    I can see you as a poet, a one-woman band, an international trouble-shooter, a peace-maker. To mention but a few.

  • Quiet Dreams

    I want very, very much for things to get better for you in all areas of your life. I want you to get all your secret wishes.

  • manapan

    I hate to be all assvice-y, but is there any way you could cut your hours at the Job of Drudgery and make up the lost wages by freelancing? I know a few people who have had success finding freelance work on Elance, though I never had any luck with it.

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