Monthly Archives: September 2011

Fate does not want me to have any fun at all ever

Item – OMG shut up, uterus. I’ve given you more painkillers. You behaved quite well for 24 hours, and now this afternoon you have to kick off again? Please be reasonable. Please.

Item – H has gone to a party. I was supposed to go too, but I felt so tired and achy this morning, I bowed out. And now I am crampy as all-Gehenna, so this was clearly a wise decision. Justification is vaguely satisfying, but I think I’d rather be sat at home feeling fine and going ‘huh!’ to myself while I crack open the ice-cream in front of Miss Marple.

Item – The Universe has a strange sense of humour. You remember back in May we had a moth problem, and the little fuckers ate a hole in the carpet (also, infested my knitting yarn and ruined the trousers of H’s best suit)? We hoovered and scrubbed and covered the house in moth-traps and put cedar and lavendar in everything else and half my yarn ended up in the freezer (a few weeks’ freezing should kill moth eggs). Well, tomorrow, H and I are going to stay with my convalescent mama for a few days, and then we visit his family, and then we have a few days just for us, holidaying, before his new job starts. Would this be a good time for The Return of the Moth? Well? Exactly. I am so annoyed. Also crampy.

Item – And then, we found the distinct and tell-tale leavings of a mouse on the draining-board this morning (on the draining-board. Where we put clean dishes. *Retch*). We are Officially Infested With Vermin. I want to burn the flat down and run away.

Item – I really didn’t want it to be a good idea for me to stay home while H partied because one of us needed to scrub the flat top to bottom before we left for a week.

Item – Bugger.

Exactamundo, compañera.

a sent me this image.

Image from

Must just whine

Aaaand here’s my period, as expected. Alas, the delightful 14-day luteal phase of the last cycle appears to have been a fluke, as this one was only 12 days. Ah well.

Seven cycles since my last (chemical, minutes-long, gah) miscarriage. I am ovulating every damn month, earlier and earlier, I pretty much have ‘normal’ cycles these days, and H and I are having so much well-timed sex, and I’m not getting pregnant. Why? My age? Fried eggs? (a year ago my AMH levels were fabulous, six months ago my FSH was normal. They can’t be that friend, can they?). Tired sperm? (nine months ago, H’s SA was nicely normal. Again). Fallopian tube blocked by fibroid? Blocked by endometriosis? Ovary pulled out of range by scar tissue?

I keep reminding myself, I’m having a laparoscopy and dye in November and then we’ll know. However, I’m vapouring, because if it is the fibroids, they won’t be able to do anything about it there and then, and there’ll be months of hanging about waiting to see if I should or even can have a myomectomy. Or, there won’t be anything in particular blocking anything and it’ll be filed under ‘unexplained’ and I will run screaming through the streets, tearing my hair and clothing from me.

Meanwhile, I am in pain and nauseous, and though the drugs are helping a lot (to wit, I am writing this and not lying on the bathroom floor with my head on the toilet-seat), it has still been a rough day, and tomorrow is traditionally rougher. Heigh ho.

*Orchestra of three hundred teeny tiny violins playing the Symphony Pathétique*


You’ll remember that several months ago, H was told that he and all who sailed with him were going to be out of a job come the new year?

I can now, at last, officially announce that H has a new job. Hurrah!

We went to look at his new place of employment last week, and good Lord, there’s some grand offices there. It makes his previous place look like a hutch for dwarf rabbits. Naughty dwarf rabbits who were being punished for whatever it was they did to the nice things. I’m intimidated by the splendour. I wonder how H feels? I can’t tell – all he ever talks about is distributed computing architecture and implementation schedules.

I do so love that man.

In other ‘oh, thank fuckitty, the relief!’, my mother came through her surgery very well. I had a lovely evening of worrying myself to the edge of puke, ringing my step-Dad and sister over and over again with no answer, until I finally got hold of Trouble, who chirruped ‘why, were you worried?’ at me in a manner so startlingly annoying I was reduced to outraged silence for minutes.

But all is well, and Mum is OK, and they didn’t find anything terrifying in there, and now we shall all relax.

Oh, and I had my annual review thingy at work, and that also went very well. My boss is tigerishly protective of me and my health, and told me my productivity when I am at work is so high it more than makes up for the absences. This was such a nice thing to say I had to go and have a little cry in the stationary cupoard afterwards.

So despite the fact I’m as crampy as heck and the Crimson Tide is rushing towards me like a tidal wave, I feel quite chipper this evening.

Stand down, Forces of Righteousness

Oh, I have a happy. I called my mother again, to make myself feel worse, no doubt, and to my inordinate joy she told me that my sister Trouble will be making herself useful in the nursing-and-tea-making capacities after all.

Hurrah! My sister is all grown-up!

So we have a schedule. As soon as Mum gets out of hospital, Trouble will look after her (I will be indisposed). As for Trouble’s other commitments, a friend will come over for one of those days. Then H and I are going down on Sunday (when I am hopefully redisposed), and then one of my many aunties will stay with her for a few days, and by then Mum should be much better and able to lift her own kettle.

And I will have to do very little indeed and certainly none of it while exsanguinating and off my face on tramadol. Yay!

I note my step-Dad is still being about as much use as a chocolate fire-guard. It’s because he was sent to boarding-school at the age of five, I’m morally certain.

Anyhow. I feel ever so much better.

*Twiddles fingers*

Nothing to report except my bad temper

There are things I don’t really know how to deal with at the moment. No idea. At all. They pop up and my brain melts and my limbic system screams ‘HULK SMASH!’ and I have to drag myself bodily to the toilets for cold water and a talking-down:

  • Those (mercifully few, for me, but dear God they’re persistent) people who trump every word out of my mouth with a yes, well, you should try that with kids! It doesn’t matter if I’ve mentioned getting up early to watch the Rugby World Cup or how ill my periods make me. You should try that with a kid! You have no idea until you’ve had a kid! It’s so much harder when you have a kid! All I can say is, ‘harder’ is not the same as ‘worse’.
  • More seriously, my mother called this week, practically begging me to go down to see her after her surgery. Satsuma, efficient and productive as she now is, nevertheless has a warped sense of humour, and I will be menstruating at that point. I will be as much use to her as a soap herring in a thunderstorm. Gah. What I would also like to know is, where in Buttfuck Ohio are my two adult sisters, also my mother’s adult husband? I’d get it if she wanted to see me out of sheer love, but actually she’s scared of being on her own in the house with nobody to look after her – I know this because she told me so. Again, where in Buttfuck are my sisters and step-Dad in all this? They all live with her. I live over an hours’ journey away, I can’t drive, and I will be puketastically uselessly in need of a nurse myself, but I’m the one who has to drop everything and run. But them? They are having ‘previous commitments’, apparently. And are ‘not very good at this sort of thing’. Ohh, fuck them all. Useless twunts.
  • The Two Week Wait generally. Same-old same-old symptoms (heart-burn, sore breasts, tiredness, hypersensitive sense of smell). Waiting. Uncertainty. Not much in the way of hope. Tense anticipation of being ill and in pain in a few days’ time. Oh, golly, this is making me grumpy. Grumpier, anyway. Tetchy, even.
  • I have not touched coffee (or liver, or rare meat, or unpasturised cheese, etc. etc.) for over a week. I basically spend a week in a rage because 98% of me is 98% sure there’s absolutely no point in doing this whatsoever. I had a (large) piece of black chocolate on the way home yesterday evening. I was completely hyper for about three hours afterwards and talked nonstop throughout. This is what the lack of caffeine does to me.

Where, oh where, is my sense of proportion?

Item – So. Currently. Mother is having surgery in less than a week. Father is having surgery in less than a month. I am having surgery in just over two months. *Hyperventilates*

Item – My annual review at work is on the same day my mother is having surgery. Bugger and damn.

Item – I have been off sick so amazingly often this year, that any normal employer would have fired me. From a cannon. Luckily, Higher Ed. in Britain is Not Normal, but this jolly state of affairs will not survive the increasing removal of government support long.

Item – A possibility of a job at another place, promotion, better pay, came up, alas too late for me to complete the application process (my inside source was not on the ball. Eh). But it did put me in a ferment. I am bored of my job. Not all of it, admittedly. I still like the geeky back-office bits. I’m just sick of dealing with people, fetching and carrying, and not being allowed to use my own initiative (my boss, who I actually quite like, is very against initiative, and very pro checking every tiny detail of everything with her. This Does Not Suit My Temperament). On the other hand, my place of employment is miraculously understanding about the sick-leave, I like most of my colleagues, and I have earnt good maternity leave as well (Bwahahahahahahaha! HAH!).

Item – And anyway, I’m not sure I want to carry on working for people. I have savings. I could go freelance.

Item – The savings will help pay for either a) a mortgage, b) IVF if it comes to that, c) being a stay-at-home parent, or d) going freelance. They will not cover all of the above, or more than one of the above. I am so fucking screwed.

Item – And there’s the sex thing. OK, so you may not care particularly, but the vision of The Rest Of My Life sans Sex makes me feel like chucking myself off a bridge, so it’s very much a biggy for me.

Item – I need to go and climb another mountain. Clearly it’s the only thing that stops me fretting myself into a pretzel while awaiting the measured tread of my period, armed to the teeth, laughing mercilessly as she draws ever closer.

And another reason why I need therapy

Satsuma is a reformed ovary, these days. She popped on CD16. I’m serious. 16. That’s… that’s not even ‘late but in the normal range’. That’s normal. Wikipedia normal. Biology textbook normal. I shall buy her a whole string of ponies. And a dogcart.

H and I had sex for fun, yesterday.

Infertility veterans that we are, sex tends to be concentrated in the ‘possible-fertile’ days of every month (Second marriages be damned, this is the real triumph of Hope over Experience), and once Satsuma has cooperated, we tend to go a bit ‘and on the seventh day, they rested. (Also on the eighth, ninth, and tenth-through-fourteenth)’. But yesterday, well, H was doing the washing-up half-naked. So.

And as matters reached their satisfactory conclusion, I burst into tears.

I tried not to. I kept my face away from H and wrestled desperately to not sob, but I wrestled to no avail, and H, concerned, then increasingly freaked out, stroked my hair and asked over and over, what was the matter?

I was crying because we’d had sex, and it hadn’t hurt.

For most of my adult life, sex has been, eh, Important To Me. I’ve always enjoyed it. Whenever H and I have had issues (oh, come on, we’ve been together for 18 years. There will have been issues), they’ve usually been about the fact I want more sex than H does (which is not to say H doesn’t want sex. He just doesn’t want it exactly as much as I do. Anyway, we seem better matched on that these days).

For the past year or so, sex began to be a tad uncomfortable just about the time I ovulate. Nothing too distracting, nothing a shift in position couldn’t solve. Just, Satsuma would get very tender and didn’t care to be prodded (oh dear. I don’t know how else to put that). And then, it slowly became more uncomfortable. Painful. But just for that day or two. It was fine.

Then, the pain became more diffuse, more ‘uterine’, more like being jabbed in a bruise. It would segue from the lingering tenderness the week after my period finishes into the painful several-days-worth of mittelschmerz. It became harder to ignore, harder to deal with by shifting position. It’s still not so bad as to Stop Play. In fact, and I say this with trepidation, because I’m aware it makes me sound perverse, when I’m pretty turned on, it takes more than that level of pain to ruin things. But it was tiresome. It’s also one of the reasons I am so concerned that I have full-blown endometriosis.

The last couple of cycles, the pain has been bad enough to, eh, distract me at the crucial moment. Again, not bad enough that I need to stop, but sex was definitely developing an atmosphere of dutiful endurance, and this was Not OK. And then, cramps, after sex, that go on and on until I take painkillers.

I was – I am – bitterly upset by this.

For the last couple of cycles, what with H’s job-application stress-levels being elevated (remember, his place of work was closing down, putting him and all his colleagues out of a job), and what with me being apathetic and grouchy, we were really only having the Triumph of Hope sex.

Of course, I wasn’t telling H any of this. Why ‘of course’, you frootloop? I hear you cry. Well. So that we go on having sex. H is, among his many other admirable qualities, a gentle soul. He was truly distressed on those few occasions when he has trod on my toe, or that time he rolled over to face me in bed and pinned my nipple to the mattress with his elbow (big tits are a world of hazard). Hell, he’s distressed when I am in pain and it’s nothing to do with him at all. He’s distressed by acted suffering on TV or in movies. He can’t watch surgery or injections, he closes his eyes for great chunks of ER. I didn’t think he’d be particularly happy to discover that sex was hurting me.

He’d intellectually understand that it was all For The Greater Good, and that I wanted him to carry on, and it wasn’t hurting too much. He’d even agree that this was how things had to be for the moment. But I couldn’t see his heart being in it at all. Knowing H, the very idea I might not be enjoying matters would have a deleterious effect on his own enjoyment. This is actually a good, sweet thing. H’s cor gentil is one of the main reasons I married him. If he became indifferent to, or callous about, the sufferings of others, he’d, well, he’d not be my darling H, would he? It’s just… biologically inconvenient when trying (desperately) to conceive.

So there was all this, worrying away at me. How long before sex became too painful for me? How long before H became aware of the fact it was painful and went on strike out of sheer empathy? And why, literally for fuck’s sake, did I have to lose this too? As I said above, I’m keen on sex. It’s important to me. This is not fair.

So I wept, when we did it for fun and it didn’t hurt at all, not even a little bit. I felt I’d been given a reprieve. A little raft of grace in a sea of suckitude.

We talked – well, we had to, what with me sobbing alarmingly – and now H knows all about it. This is no doubt the healthier, saner way to run a marriage, and he’d’ve found out sooner or later anyway. We shall have to see how much trouble this will cause, if any. H’s ability to compartmentalise, normally infuriating, may come in remarkably handy. Trepidation hovers, nonetheless. It’s trying to get pregnant as a giant game of Wipeout. Who or what will knock us out of the game first? Me? H? The laparoscopy results? Satsuma?

If the laparoscopy in November doesn’t find any endometriosis or anything else it can deal with, I don’t know what I’ll do.

How strange to be outed by tears of relief.

What is the Universe trying to tell me?

Being unable to shrug off this cloud of gloom, doom, anxst, rage and apathy by my own sweet self, I have seriously embarked on an attempt to find a counsellor. Moreover, one who lives within an hour’s public transport of my place of work and place of domicile, who deals with infertility and recurrent miscarriage (ie, won’t say ‘just relax’ and precipitate a punching incident), who doesn’t cost the frikken’ earth, and who can do evenings or weekends. So far:

  1. Never answered my query emails. I sent them to all three email addresses she had listed on her website. She states, in several places on said website, that she is keen on prompt replies to queries.
  2. Only had vacancies on the one night of the week I work late shifts. I could not shift my late shifts, my colleagues also having lives they wanted to get on with. And then, bomb-shell, several email exchanges in, she revealed she was pregnant, and would be going on maternity leave soon. I explained that, actually, given the Dead Baby Thing, this was not going to work for me regardless of the shift unrearrangements. She sent me back a very sweet email saying she perfectly understood and wishing me luck finding suitable help.
  3. Sent me an auto-reply to let me know she was on holiday for another week.

The hell, Universe?

99 things

99 Things I Have Or Have Not Done. May’s list from a while ago. I carefully quickly deleted her responses to avoid any possible cheating.

Bold is for “done”, italics is for “Would like to do.”

1. Started my own blog – well I tried but quickly ran out of inspiration of what to say; I may well try again, but it’s more likely to be work related.
2. Slept under the stars – not something I’d do again in this country, far too cold; I prefer star-gazing from a hot-tub, bur probably best not to fall asleep in that.
3. Played in a band – played in a windband.
4. Visited Hawaii – no and not near the top of my list either.
5. Watched a meteor shower – not had much luck though, only ever seen a handful of meteors.
6. Given more than I can afford to charity – I give to charity reasonably regularly, but not huge amounts at a time.
7. Been to Disneyland/world – no, just no.
8. Climbed a mountain – at least two – Snowdon and one in Austria; been on top of a mountain in Switzerland too, but admit I took the cable-car most of the way up.
9. Held a praying mantis – nope.
10. Sung a solo – I’m pretty sure I have.
11. Bungee jumped – no and not likely to neither; too much adrenaline makes me feel very sick.
12. Visited Paris – seem to have missed this one on a couple of occasions; would be nice, but not a high priority destination.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea – is it particularly spectacular?
14. Taught myself an art from scratch – photography, much improved over the last few years – finally went on a weekend course recently, which will hopefully give me a little improvement boost.
15. Adopted a child – it’s a possibility, but not something that I’d put down as a ‘like to do’ at the moment.
16. Had food poisoning – probably, I think some slightly undercooked chicken on a BBQ at uni, although far too much alcohol also taken that evening is equally likely to have contributed to the messy night.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty – nope, not been to the USA (and unlikely to) skimming down the list this may be slightly tedious; tempted to replace all the American destinations with a wider variety of world sites…
18. Grown my own vegetables – no garden and several year waiting list for allotments, so this isn’t going to happen in the near future; I would probably grow the more expensive and exotic veg, rather carrots and potatoes, oh and herbs, lots of herbs.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France – so tempted to say yes to this to confuse people…
20. Slept on an overnight train – definitely want to take the Caledonian sleeper to/from Scotland, almost done it a few times, but needs far too much pre-planning to get tickets at a reasonable price; usually hire a car in the end and do visits to interesting places on the journey, which is also great fun.
21. Had a pillow fight – pretty sure I have (don’t have a great memory).
22. Hitchhiked – far too introverted for that sort of activity.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill – hmmm, sometimes I may have exaggerated a touch but always been slightly ill.
24. Built a snow fort – far too busy sledging.
25. Held a lamb – only a roasted bit of one, I think they’re tastier like that; or prettier in the distance.
26. Gone skinny dipping – not since I was a kid mind.
27. Run a marathon – never likely to get to that distance, should really try for a 5K or something.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice – I valued my family and internal organs too much to auction them off.
29. Seen a total eclipse – almost complete solar and complete lunar.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset – sunset far too easy, think this should be just sunrise; think I’ve done that once (not a morning person).
31. Hit a home run – why would I want to do that? what’s a home run ever done to deserve a beating?
32. Been on a cruise – Nordic fjords definitely calling, but being stuck on board with goodness knows who makes me hesitate wimp out; also requires lots of forward planning, not easy to do when TTC.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person – nope.
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors – how many generations back before they count as ancestors? I’ve been to the house one of my grandmother’s was born in. I have traced my paternal line back a few more generations to Shropshire area; keep meaning to do more research in local parish records there.
35. Seen an Amish community – nope.
36. Taught myself a new language – taught myself PHP to a prett fluent level, but had tuition for the more advanced level; considering dabbling in Ruby or Python.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied – not something one can predict as a future event; feel rather guilty leaving as a no though, as certainly living comfortably and not scraping by despite multi-year wage freezes, increased NI tax and now govt wanting to rob me of extra contributions. Materialistically I’ve always wanted to own property but just missed the bottom of the ladder by about two or three years when prices shot up in the 90s/00s. Such a first world issue.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person – only from a train window.
39. Gone rock climbing – see bungee jumping.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David – only the copy in the square.
41. Sung karaoke – I can sing, but never plucked up the courage (or found exactly the right amount of alcohol) to participate; main problem is I’m not confident enough that I can remember the whole melody of a song!
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt – another nope.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant – no, not had occasion to – not sure when one would? Certainly wouldn’t rule it out as a random act of generosity – intriguing concept.
44. Visited Africa – another continent unexplored; given that I burn to a crisp in UK, however, I’m not sure that would be the ideal continent for me.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight – not that I can remember.
46. Been transported in an ambulance – though only as an extra passenger along with May.
47. Had my portrait painted – don’t think so.
48. Gone deep sea fishing – no, not keen on being completely surrounded by water in anything smaller than a large ferry.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person – nope.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris – why so many things in Paris? this one does actually interest me though.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling – no, aqua-phobic for being under water.
52. Kissed in the rain – that has a lot to answer for doesn’t it, May 😉
53. Played in the mud – have a vague impression I was impossible to keep out of it as a toddler.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre – do they have them in the UK?
55. Been in a movie – no, only in a TV documentary (only for less than 10 seconds, was very envious at the time that the camera lingered on my brother for about 30 seconds).
56. Visited the Great Wall of China – it’s just a lot of old bricks isn’t it?
57. Started a business – as part of school business studies project; we created ‘pet’ rocks (pebbles) and other items (like nails) by affixing wobbly eyes and other adornments to them. In adult life I’m far to risk-averse, unless I come up with the next Facebook or retire to the outerwherevers to run a small shop.
58. Taken a martial arts class – never found the idea attractive really.
59. Visited Russia – would love to see the Moscow underground stations.
60. Served at a soup kitchen – something I keep meaning to do.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies – I think it would be slightly creepy if I had.
62. Gone whale watching – see deep sea fishing.
63. Got flowers for no reason – I assume this means procured flowers for no reason, rather than received?
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma – ashamed to say no, and now I’m on blood-pressure medication it makes it less likely.
65. Gone sky diving – see bungee jumping.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp – I visited the holocaust exhibition at the Imperial War Museum though.
67. Bounced a check – my work experience placement at school was in a local bank. One of my jobs was to go through the checks and pull out the ones the bank was going to bounce. Really awkward, as I knew one of the people I had to do that for (never let on though).
68. Flown in a helicopter – I’ve flown in a light aircraft, but not in a helicopter yet.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy – not specifically, there are a few items from childhood still at my parents’, but not specifically toys.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial – I think this would be difficult, having not been to the US!
71. Eaten caviar – only the cheaper alternatives; meh.
72. Pieced a quilt – started but never completed.
73. Stood in Times Square – see US answers passim; very tempted to visit the shopping centre of this name in Sutton just so I could answer yes to confuse people.
74. Toured the Everglades – see above; Everglades in Bromley anyone?
75. Been fired from a job – I’ve been not given job that I had to apply for after contracting in the role for 18 months, I think that counts.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London – several times.
77. Broken a bone – my toe is the most dramatic I can manage though.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle – see adrenaline ‘allergy’ comments above.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person – damn, nowhere in UK with this name.
80. Published a book – unlikely, being a man of few words.
81. Visited the Vatican – I think I’d be too tempted to commit criminal damage.
82. Bought a brand new car – no, it’s first few miles the deprecation is enormous; I have hired a brand new car that only had 12 miles on the clock, it didn’t strike me as particularly special in any way. Why I have marked this as a future possibility is that if I’m ever in a situation needing a car again I’d probably get an electric one and that would more likely be bought/leased from brand new, just because I don’t think there’ll be a big second hand market for them for a decade or so yet.
83. Walked in Jerusalem – you mean the Jerusalem Passage in Islington? no, I didn’t think so.
84. Had my picture in the newspaper – only a regional title, but playing the bassoon in a wind group busking for charity as a teenager.
85. Read the entire Bible – not sure I want to pollute my mind that much.
86. Visited the White House – no, and there are so many to choose from.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating – I’ve skinned and gutted a rabbit, but it was pre-caught/killed.
88. Had chickenpox – don’t remember it much, think I was about age 9.
89. Saved someone’s life – not directly that I’m aware of. I did feature, in a photographic sense, in a drug rehabilitation poster/leaflet, so maybe that helped someone in some way…
90. Sat on a jury – no, very annoyingly my jury summons went to an old address and I didn’t get it until after the response deadline.
91. Met someone famous – a few, nobody particularly glamorous though.
92. Joined a book club – as a student I belonged to a book club.
93. Lost a loved one – I remember the loss of two aunts, a cousin, a grandfather and a great-grandfather in my family and a grandmother in May’s. Most importantly though, Pikaia.
94. Had a baby – ngngngngngngng. It would, of course, be May having the baby, as I lack the right equipment.
95. Seen the Alamo in person – to give you a headcase 🙂 probably not the one you’re thinking of though.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake – nope never been to US for the nth time!
97. Been involved in a law suit – no.
98. Owned a cell phone – is there anyone who hasn’t?
99. Been stung by a bee – yes, and found I was alergic! I was stung on the tip of my finger, but my whole arm swelled and had rash all over my chest. Annoyingly there is no predicting whether next time will be less or more severe. I carry an adrenaline jab around in the summer.

I tag you, if you didn’t do it previously when May did. You’ve read all the way down to here, haven’t you? You know you want to really.