Them that’s got shall get

Item – I feel a lot better. I have ceased to menstruate, I only have a lingering dull ache in the lower pelvis that keeps making me think I need a pee (and I don’t. Or I do, but think it’s the lingering dull ache until I’m fricken’ bursting. Dammit).

Item – And my boss is being very kind to me. Which is nice. Which is disturbing. Which makes me feel weepy.

Item – I shall try and get a GP appointment on Wednesday (I have the morning off), to speak about a) anaemia, b) perhaps a referral to a gynaecologist who specialises in PAIN, rather than one who is so focussed on whether or not I ovulate she doesn’t give a flying for-crying about PAIN, and c) possible UTI (best be on the safe side).

Item – Meanwhile, in the Kick a Lass While She’s Down stakes, my mother called me up at work (what is it with my mother and work? She does not in any way comprehend that between 9:30 and 5:30, my time is not mine, and therefore is not to be filled with gossip and relations). She called me up this time to tell me that my ex-step-father, her ex-husband, who is sixty, is going to have a baby with his current girlfriend. Who is forty-five. She told me this in a cheerful, gee-golly-wow! tone, and I felt pissy and bitter and small and angry. And then, oh, oopsie, my mobile phone battery is running out, must go right beeep.

Item – Let me just repeat that. My ex-step-father (my relationship with him has veered from mutual cordial loathing to irritable dislike to lenient disdain), who is sixty, is going to have another child. Oh, how jolly nice for my half-sister Diva, who is 22, to have a baby brother or sister. How lovely. How spiffing. Isn’t Mother Nature glorious. Amazing. And she’s 45. Lucky her. Brilliant. Amazing. I don’t even know if either of them even wanted another bloody kid. At sixty and forty-five, I should imagine that they didn’t, and thought, oh, we’re old enough to be careless with contraception now. Eh. Here’s hoping the baby’s fine and the girlfriend’s fine and all goes fine. Here’s hoping I don’t have to hear all about it, because it’s fine.

Item – Fuck Mother Nature. Partisan bitch.


18 responses to “Them that’s got shall get

  • a

    Um. I shall second that last item.

  • BigP's Heather

    Yes. The last one. Totally.

  • bionicbrooklynite

    yes. and like all partisans, inevitably on the wrong side.

  • Valery

    O dear. And of course noone has ever heard of things going wrong, higher risks blah blah because Gee them should be OLD and Wise enough. It could be their last chance. Or maybe Diva can pretend it is hers…. Although I bet your mother can come up with more crazy than me.

    Dull ache? Please no cyst or UTI… Hope the GP makes time for you, and if I remember correctly the GP was Good and On Your Side.


  • HairyFarmerWifey

    Must be all the San Pellegrino. *dashes down to supermarket*
    Honestly, May, your family are the absolute frozen limit. Less power to your mobile battery!

  • minichessemouse

    *loudly joins in the cursing mother nature and giving fate a kick in the teeth at the same time*

    Hi may *hug*. Me? . . . no not kicking inanimate objects at all.

    seriously though many hugs to you.

  • minichessemouse


    *joins in the cursing of mother nature with a little too much enthusiasm*

    Me? . . . no I’m not kicking inanimate objects at all.

    many hugs.

  • Betty M

    Bloody universe. I suppose it is marginally preferable to her being 24 maybe? I find the whole fatherhood at 60 a bit icky in any event. Anyway it is all blisteringly unfair.

  • Katie

    My mother refuses to call my mobile (“It costs money!”) thankfully and I have never told her my work phone number. She is aware of the existence of Google but thankfully doesn’t seem to realise that if you google me, the first entry would give her my office phone no. She just rings Mr Spouse at home instead.

    However, hold your comments please ladies and gents on parenthood at the ages you are mentioning. They are dangerously close to ours. If we wait much longer that will be precisely our ages at the time we first become parents.


    • May

      Yes, but we’ve spent years and years trying to get pregnant, and failing, and grieving. However, because some people can get pregnant easy-peasy-slightly-by-accident at our age and older, we get treated even more so as freaks for not being able to. And they never fucking know how lucky they are. And they never admit how blessed they are. And they never, ever admit that it could be hard, or impossible, or heartbreaking, to WANT what they got by accident, and to fail.

      So, as I was saying, my ex-step-father, who is sixty, and who already has children, gets his ten-years-older-than-me-and-I’m-ALREADY-being-told-I’m-too-old partner pregnant by accident, and therefore Mother Nature is a Partisan Bitch. The end.

      • Laurel

        Exactly. (And I don’t mean to imply jumping on, or indeed anything negative in the least towards Katie–to whom and her spouse I fervently wish success.) It’s the accidental “oops” quality that feels so bitter.

        Honestly, May, this bit must seem like the absolute limit, especially with your recent string of pain, vomiting, [fill in the blank with your recent reproductive history here], H’s job turmoil, etc. It does to me and I didn’t even have to pay to throw up in a public bathroom recently. (Although I have had some episodes just parallel enough to get a loose grasp of how much that must have totally sucked.)

        Anxiously awaiting news of what the medical professionals have to say; hoping it at least includes “and here is a prescription for something that will knock your socks off and have you singing “tra la la” instead of writhing in pain.”

  • Womb For Improvement

    Next you’ll hear that she thought these strange symptoms were the onset of the menopause, so drank and smoked heavily through the first 8 weeks.

  • kylie

    Oh yes Mother Nature is not very nice. I had my own watershed moment on friday.
    My father (who did have a child at close to 60 with his then wife who was on the wrong side of 40- although it took years) used the occasion of my sisters 30th birthday to announce that she was his favourite child and to pressure all three of his older children to give him grand kids. He is aware of the issues with me. My two sibs are both firmly attached to the fur babies and not really thinking of human babies at the moment.
    On one hand his story is inspriring as they managed to have my little brother despite my father having a vasectomy 20 + years ago and being “too old” ( and it did take a while). On the other hand, I am extremely tempted to take myself and any potential children to the other side of the world.

  • manapan

    Holy effing shit. Hugs for you.

    And hey, Mother Nature: Contrary to popular belief, May does not enjoy your golden showers. Please cease and desist at once.

  • Shannon

    It’s not the ages I am affronted about on your behalf. It’s:

    1) the delivery of the news
    2) the delivery of the news
    3) the delivery of the news

    I kinda want to phone your mum and say “Brilliant that you’re mates with your ex and all, but you know May? Your daughter May? The one who has entry into The Martyr Hall of Fame by the sheer number of miscarriages she’s had? Yeah, hearing news like that hurts no matter how well it’s delivered, and let’s face it – your delivery was a spectacular fail.”

    I’m so sorry, babes.

    • twangy

      Agreed. How could a person think that something like that should be delivered as juicy gossip, in this context?

      No, no, no-ness. As for the news itself, quite, May, Quite. Piove sul bagnato.

  • Korechronicles

    Dearest May and H, you have every right to feel totally bloody aggrieved about this new state of affairs. And if I knew an effective way to give stern instructions to the Universe as to its totally bullying behaviour, you know I’d do it in a heartbeat. xx

  • That thing my sister said « Nuts in May

    […] sister, who was spending Christmas with her father, my ex-step-father. And I remembered that ex-step-father and his partner had announced they were expecting a baby back in July. Or, they had announced it to Diva, who’d told my mother, who then phoned me up at work in a […]

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