You’ll remember my Dad was Behaving Strangely (or, at least, irritatingly, as we none of us thought it that strange, for him at least (oh woe)) last month? When announced he’d be in town the very same weekend we’d all be out of town because of the Enormous Family Wedding? And then he ended the whole sorry miscommunication saga by announcing he was going home, so there?
And we all rolled our eyes?
He got back in touch this weekend, to discuss what had gone so tits-up.
And, err, he had. He’d been and gone and actually finally had the Goddamn heart-attack his doctors have been threatening him with for years.
Luckily – obviously, in fact, as I was a) talking to him, and b) he’d been able to go home the next day – it was a very minor one. He’d been at his mother’s house on the Saturday (his mother’s! He had a heart-attack in front of his mother) and suddenly went blue and sat down with a thump, but he never lost consciousness and the A&E doctors were quite chirpy about his prognosis, so the next day he went the 500 miles home again. And basically crawled into his den, pulled his blankie in after him, and went incommunicado for a month. (Oh, fucking hell I never asked how he got home. Did he drive? I wouldn’t put it past him to drive 500 miles 12 hours after being let out of hospital for a benighted heart-attack. He once drove home with a fractured skull. But still. I’ve gone completely cold just thinking about it).
The upshot is, Dad is to have a coronary bypass, at some point in the next three months.
I can’t see Dad dealing with that very well. They have to crack your ribs open. It all hurts like hell and they put you on morphine and your bowel packs up. My father-in-law had heart-surgery in 2009 and told us all about it, and how long it took to heal, and how it hurt, and he was (is) much, much fitter than my Dad, and was having surgery to prevent an existing condition (caused by rheumatic fever in his youth, and not by crappy lifestyle choices) deteriorating. My Dad is quite fit in terms of bloody-mindedly yomping up mountains, but is a border-line alcoholic and has smoked since he was a fetus and he weighs about 120 lbs soaking wet despite being six feet tall. And he only eats once a day.
Like I needed something else to worry about.