Cheer up, damn you

Item – Went back to work. Work was quite peaceful, and, most importantly, had no moths in it.

Item – Went back on the diet wagon. I’ve been bobbing about the cut-off BMI for IVF on the NHS since Christmas. Enough. Gah. Tuna salad, bring it on.

Item – Not that I’m doing IVF. But I’ve always seen the NHS BMI guideline as being The Weight At Which My Weight Is Probably Not Killing My Babies, or they wouldn’t bother setting a BMI cut-off there in the first place, and I think I’d cheer up if I could tuck myself under it by a few pounds.

Item – Oh, and I have a wedding to go to in a couple of weeks and my mother is going on and on and on about me buying a suit and if I am going to spend that much on clothes, I’d rather not feel depressed every time I read the label inside them.

Item – H has to buy a new suit, because moths ate his best trousers. Pierre Cardin, they were. Oh, my, but I have fucking had it with moths.

Item – Rise in estrogen levels = tenfold expansion of endometrium = swelling in wall of uterus where endometrium should not be but yet, in my case, is = a week of lavish cramps leading up to ovulation. Fuck you, Cute Ute.

Item – Satsuma also making a fuss, so much so that I actually wondered if I was ovulating already, ie day 14, which is mental and unheard-of. Also tiresome as H and I haven’t had nearly enough sex yet.

Item – No indeed, the cramps thing doesn’t help with that.

Item – Suffering terribly from longing for a baby at the moment. Obviously, I long to have a baby 24/7, every month of the year, every year of this decade so far, but it’s currently extra-stingy and intense. Damn it all.

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25 responses to “Cheer up, damn you

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Completely with you on the cramps and extra-stingy and intense longing. AND the moths.

    Bugger fuck.

  • bionicbrooklynite

    moths breed despair. it is just true.

    at least it is summer, when i find anyway that it is easier to eat tasty food that isn’t cheese-based. (which i should be doing a bit more of, myself. have purchased one pair of capris in current size; refuse to buy more.)

    the longing. fucking hell, universe.

  • a

    The longing…

    Moths ate H’s pants? That is unacceptable. I came home from 5 days away to an ant sortie in my kitchen. Fortunately, they were too stupid to find the crumbs (or else they took them all while we were gone), and did not launch a full scale assault. But now, I must poison the neighborhood with bug killer. I just hope we have enough to kill everything within a 5 mile radius…

  • Womb For Improvement

    A suit? For a wedding? Why not one of your new blue or green numbers?

    • May

      Apparently not smart enough. Anyone’d think this was the Big Do in Westminster Abbey last month all over again. Grr. Am tempted to turn up in ripped jeans and an Iron Maiden teeshirt.

  • wombattwo

    The longing… With you there. Not with you on the moths, thankfully. Yet, anyway.
    Am with you on the trying to eat healthier and lose some weight option. Unfortunately this horrible upper respiratory tract infection my husband so kindly gave me just makes me want to eat chocolate and cheese. Moving didn’t help either…
    Universe, really. Sort yourself out!

    • May

      Yeah. Stinking cold = extreme chocolate yearning. *sigh*

      Hope the moths leave at least you alone. It’s getting Biblical round here.

  • twangy

    A suit? Is it a formal affair?

    Longing, tick.

    Moths, eh? Little nibbling feckers. I had them once, and they grazed on my wool coat, the nice one, so now it’s all bare in patches and sad.

    Cramps? Oh May – not before, as well. Sigh/curses, according to mood. Both at once, possibly. With gnashing of teeth.

    • May

      It’s my mother’s side of the family. Of course it’s formal.

      Argh, not the nice coat. ARGH.

      Spent day at work swearing under breath and going ‘ow’. It was JOLLY.

  • katie

    I actually think it might the The Weight At Which They Are Not Afraid To Give You A GA If They Don’t Have To. Sorry to disillusion you…

    I imagine your mum has the wrong end of the stick about YOU buying a suit. Suits very much not wedding wear for women at any I’ve been to recently (and believe me, that’s a lot). You aren’t the mother of the bride. And that is one of the few sentences starting with “You aren’t the mother…” that is an EXTREMELY joyous sentence.

    • May

      Given that the NHS were perfectly unfazed about giving me a GA, twice, when I was over a stone heavier than this, I’m not sure what your point is. But I’ll take my delusions from medical professionals on this one, thank you.

      Also, re: suit, you haven’t met my family.

  • Betty M

    Moths appear to be very fashionable. They were on Today and then Woman’s Hour on the same day last week. Bloody nightmare things. They ate all the husband’s identical grey v necked sweaters (and there were surprisingly many) last winter so we have been moth killer central since. Fingers crossed yours die a miserable death soon.

    So sorry about the mid cycle cramps – it is just too much that you suffer so many weeks in each month. And the longing too. I so so wish it was different for you.

    I have nothing on the question of wedding clothes. So much easier as a bloke particularly if you eschew the idea of a morning suit and you haven’t been to forced into some other monstrosity by the groom (nearly knee length velvet frock coat with a Nehru collar anyone – shudder).

    • May

      It’s vaguely reassuring to know I am not being singled out by The Moth. It’s not personal! Yay. And blast.

      I am being very wet and whingey about the everything hurt all time. Thank you for the sympathy.

      H got married in a knee-length velvet frock-coat! Bwahahahaahaha! I promise we didn’t make anyone else wear anything of the sort. H was quite enjoying being the ONLY 18th century dandy in the room.

  • wombattwo

    Can’t reply further up the page; lack of internet and doing this on my phone etc.
    Every time I see a moth now, I think of you and HFF and glare at it. Then I kill it. Another one down and all that…
    Am so sorry that your uterus is so pants. If mine actually worked I’d gladly lend it to you for 9 months. Unfortunately as things stand I don’t think it would be an improvement on your own… I think you’re perfectly entitled to whinge about yours. Bastard uterus.
    Would love to see a pic of H in his wedding suit by the way!

    • May

      We need to pool our resources and make a super uber-uterus. And time-share it.

      Will see if I can convince H to let me put wedding photos on FB.

      • wombattwo

        Oh that so might work! I haven’t enough endometrium, you have too much… We could have one successful pregnancy each then burn the combined uterus in a ceremony of “ha, I have finally beaten you into submission” flame-throwing! Or something…

  • Korechronicles

    Moths. My sworn enemy…and yours too, clearly.

    Sorry that things are so bloody difficult and especially sorry about the longing. If wishing could change things…well, that’s not helpful at all, is it? Can only pray to sundry deities for a change in outcomes. And I will!

    • May

      All prayers appreciated.

      (Had blasphemous vision of double-entry book-keeping column marked: Sundries (deities, etc.)).

  • Laurel

    I am having moth neuroticism because, all last winter, tiny little holes kept appearing in my sweaters (mostly cashmere, sob, accumulated on sale of course). I disposed of the sweaters as holes appeared, and now I have almost none left. But I never actually saw any moth or larvae, not one, so I have never taken more stringent action than loading up my plastic sweater container thing with lots of cedar. I am hoping that, if there are moths, it’s all well contained, as the thing zippers shut. But I don’t even know if I have them, WTF?

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