Inflammation of the snark

I have Bloggers Block.

What I want, is to write something (something? anything!) of searing beauty, or utter hilarity, or elegant irony, or intense meaning, or, of course, all four because the English Language, she is my bitch.

What we’ve got is a sort of low-grade flu of the intellect. Up with which I shall have to put. You don’t. You can stop reading, you know. Lucky you.


Things that are occurring in Baby-Quest, Endless edition, personal file: nothing much. The lady-parts announced that they were feeling frisky a couple of days ago, it’s now day 18, if the established pattern is followed I shall ovulate sometime in the next two or three days. H and I have been etc.. It’s not very interesting any more, though, is it? It was massively, wildly exciting the first few times, but now it’s more a vaguely amused sense of ‘there it is again. Everything still working? Good-oh,’ while knowing full well if it stopped I’d be MIGHTY PISSED OFF. I should make it clear at this point that I am talking about the ovulating, not the sex. Or am I? Heh. (Sweetie, I’m joking! Of course I meant the ovulating! Sweetie? H?)

Baby-Quest, Endless edition, public files: H bumped into a cousin of mine and went for coffee with her, to discuss, well, everything – she’s a lovely woman and she and H get on beautifully, always a bonus in my decidedly Hard Work family. She also had trouble with reproducing, eventually did IVF (successfully), and then adopted. She knows something of our woes, and H was giving her the ‘no news yet, The Professor says Keep Trying, Aspirin On Standby’ update, but didn’t give her the full list of miscarriages, because, well, it sucks to talk about it, and this was a quick coffee, I assume (H? Correct assumption?), which laid him open to the ‘you’re both still young!’ speech. OK, so said cousin is older than me and was older than me when she did IVF. But I am 36 in a couple of weeks time and I am NOT still young, reproductively. I just am not. And I don’t know how many more dead embryos and painful ‘nope!’ cycles I can take anyway. H did point out that my insides are super-borked and the pain and damage is putting a brisker time-limit on the process, and cousin was all sympathy and kind words, and they parted on excellent terms. And I know cousin only said ‘you’re still young!’ because she was older and succeeded, so from her point of view it’s perfectly true.

But I feel very old and crappy and scared.

Oh, I know, my CD3 FSH was normal, and my AMH is good, and my mother didn’t hit the menopause until her 50s. I know. I know, OK? But given that I can’t seem to produce a normal egg for love nor money anyway, and given that egg-quality gets worse year on year from here-onwards, it’s not much consolation. And too much consolation. Not much hope, but a little spark of it, bitterly unconquerable. So we go on trying. And perhaps it’d be better if we didn’t.

Meanwhile, on Planet F*c*Book, I have been dismally startled (is it even possible to be ‘dismally startled’? Well, it is now) by the amount of British people banging on and on about Mothers’ Day – change your status picture for Mothers’ Day! Repost this [drivelling piece of sentimental crap] for Mothers’ Day! Honk if you love your mother! Mothers are the most wonderful humans on God’s green earth because they reproduced, which makes amoebas FABULOUS as they do it all the time!

Fair enough and carry on to all peoples for whom it really is their calendar-sanctioned Mothers’ Day (which does seem to be about half the population of the planet, I admit). I have no beef with a national day for going ‘Yay! Mums!’. I bought my mother flowers and a cake for Mothering Sunday myself, and a card, and visited her and wished her a happy Mothering Sunday and gave her a kiss and a hug and told her I loved her and then helped her make nine million cucumber sandwiches. If it’s Mothers’ Day in your country, in fact, unless your mother really is Mommy Dearest, it’d only be polite to make nice. I know I made my Mum happy. That makes me happy. I am laying in Good Karma.

But fellow Brits? Really, we do not need two Mothers’ Days. We don’t. We certainly don’t need all the smug guilting (‘post this if you love your mother!’). Note, on Mothering Sunday I went to my mother and told her I loved her. Not FB. Certainly not FB when my mother doesn’t even USE FB (that particularly piddles me off. What the hell is the point of half-a-dozen statuses about your deep affection for the woman if she’s never going to see it? Huh? It’s showing off, that’s what it is, and in a civilized internet would earn you 24-hours suspension of online privileges for being a Total Dick).

So I thought, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, and I upped the passive-aggressive guilting ante by putting up a FB status reminding people that a) Mother’s Day is bloody hard for people who have lost their mother or their child, and b) it isn’t even Mother’s Day in Britain. So bloody there.

And now I must go and wash my hair and put my trousers (Trousers! Not pants! In Britain, pants go under trousers!) on. H is taking me out to lunch.


15 responses to “Inflammation of the snark

  • Nina

    Yeah, it does seem kinda fake, doesn’t it? My mother doesn’t use FB either, so I didn’t bother. I’m going to see her this afternoon at my grandmother’s. And May, dearest, you are a mother. I believe they are waiting on you in Heaven. I believe mine is waiting on me, too. So Happy Mother’s Day, American style. *bighugs*

  • Womb For Improvement

    We were still young. When we started. It didn’t help things back then, so why people think it is any consolation now is quite beyond me.

    And the Mother’s Day thing, yet another reason why I am smugly pleased with myself for defacing myself.

  • wombattwo

    Yes, what is this “Post this if you love your mother” shite? Since when has copying and pasting a paragraph of utter drivel demonstrated love for anyone? (except your own ego perhaps?) I liked your status. Muchly. In fact, can I borrow it?
    The “you’re still young” thing, well it doesn’t really help does it. I’m 6 years younger than you and my uterus is still borked. I don’t think age has much bearing on things if your reproductive organs are stubbornly refusing to function anyway. Plus I don’t know about you, but I do find people saying that somewhat patronising. I also suspect that we all have our limits, which come at different ages, and after different numbers of miscarriages, and different numbers of “fuck this fucking uterus is shit and painful” cycles. You and H have to do what’s right for you, be that keep trying, or not.
    But, darling May, I have to agree with Nina. You are certainly a mother, and your children do/did exist. I’m just so sorry that their lives were so short. Sending you hugs, and tea, and all the arms folding and glaring at the universe I can muster, since crossing my fingers seems to do sod all.

  • MsPrufrock

    I appreciate that your cousin was trying to be nice, and I will add that it’s at least good that someone who has been through a lot reproductively said it and not some fertile type. However, I was 23 when I started treatment and it still took 5 years to happen for me, so I always cringe when anyone says something age-related like that. Let’s be honest, it’s a crap shoot, this whole thing. It can happen naturally when you’re 45 after 8 IVF cycles, or it can not happen for you when you’re 27 after four years of treatment.

    But yes, I am one of the guilty for the FB Mothers’ Day crap, as you know. I’m a lemming, what can I say. I certainly won’t be applauding myself today as some of my FB friends have done, which is just weird. Freaks.

    • May

      Dear Pru, I must clarify, I have no problem at all with people who live in a country where it really IS Mother’s Day, wishing their mother (if she is on FB) and their friends who are mothers happy Mother’s Day, even using a cut-and-paste if said cut-and-paste is cute and apposite. To you, yea verily I say, Happy Mothers’ Day and congratters on raising a darling. If you still lived in Blighty, of course, I’d tell you to get knotted 😉

  • a

    My mother is on FB, but I didn’t put anything on my status. Instead, I called her and wished her a Happy Mother’s Day and told her I’d take her to dinner next time I was in town. And I sent a card. Because that’s what a halfway decent child does (a decent child makes the effort to go and see their mother on Mother’s Day. That’s not me). I don’t think I’d use FB status for that sort of thing unless I really actively disliked my mother.

    You are still young…but that has nothing to do with reproduction. Very annoying, but somewhat understandable from someone who was older when undergoing ART.

    As to blogger’s block…not that I am experienced in my forthcoming advice as I seem to write exclusively about things that irritate me, but maybe you could write about something else entirely. One of your favorite musty tomes? Random events seen on your travels to work? The state of H’s hair? The air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? (European, of course) I sometimes think writing is like one of those hidden pictures where you have to “look through the picture” to see the image (can’t do that at all – too distracted by the overlying pattern) – sometimes you have to focus on something else entirely in order to regain your perspective. /end assvice

  • Illanare

    I’m completely baffled by the whole 2nd Mother’s Day in the UK thing too. Baffled and cross. I admire your FB stance on it, too.

  • Amy P

    I’m utterly confused by the Brits who’ve posted stuff about Mother’s Day for this weekend, too. ‘Cept of course posts pointing out the strangeness, and I hope you don’t mind that I stole your fb status (I figure you don’t mind, since you commented on it and all ;-))

    I can’t wait until Faith goes to bed tonight so I can stop pretending to like Mother’s Day–I’ve got 3 or 4 different things from her, all of which, except the rose, of course, were handmade. You’d think I could deal with it with a bit more grace–I lost Mom in April of 2000, and was surprised with the fact that people give pregnant people things for Mother’s Day in 2003… (That said, I agree with wombattwo–you *are* a mom, you just haven’t gotten to hold your babies *hugs*)

  • kylie

    I had to sit on my hands, and then leave the computer in order not to take one of the “repost this if you are a mom” statuses and rephrase all of it so I could write at the end because I am F@#@$ing infertile. Have since rationalised that I never once responded to any of the pro george bush of other right wing idiots, but that one was just to close to home.
    It was Mother’s day here in Oz, but I took my Mum out to breakfast on the saturday instead- less stressfull

  • Valery

    At least you’re still writing.
    Can I say this F*book thing sounds all stupid-like while I’m not on it? Probably better not..

  • Bionic Baby Mama

    similarly, when my parents lived in australia, they were surprised at the many people there carrying on about their first and second amendment rights. oops.

    also: i do not get it with the chain letter statuses, i really don’t.

    also also: are you telling us you were going commando at lunch? rock on.

  • Trampled into the primeval swamp by mastodons « Nuts in May

    […] And there was all that good karma I built up by being the smarmy daughter who remembered Mothering Sunday. […]

  • Gail K

    Here from the Roundup! Thanks for making me laugh, even with Bloggers Block!

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