Keeping it in the family

Item – Your comments on my last post made me cry. I love you guys.

Item – H is currently watching Snooker while playing Snooker on his iPad. He’s very nearly a sentient being, you know.

Item – My mother called today, to tell me about some horrid discomfort and worrying symptoms she’d been having in her ladyparts, because, it seems, I am now the family expert on disorders of the uterus. I told her it sounded exactly like a burst ovarian cyst. She said her doctor had said it was a fibroid. I said, not unless the fibroid was pedunculated and had twisted, and even then, no, because the pain came to climax and then resolved, and a twisted fibroid=emergency surgery. She said, well, she was having an ultrasound next week, and I said good (because this sort of thing in a menopausal lady is NOT ON) and then I bit all my nails off (did I mention this sort of thing is NOT ON?). And I realised my mother had a point, and I am the family expert on all things uterine. Also, my mother treats me like Dr Google.

Item – Do adult daughters normally have this kind of discussion with their mothers? My own relationship with mine has been so weirdly mined with spells of incommunicado and dissembling on all health issues, that having her ask me for advice makes me feel like I’m being asked to perform on television for a £500 prize.

Item – Torn between guilt at being underwhelmed with sympathy and horribly matter-of-fact at my poor mum about these things (because I am the Crowned Queen of Uterine Fucked-Upness round here, and so far she hasn’t even challenged me to a ducal coronet), and worry because my mum is menopausal, and though ovarian cyst and fibroids can pop up at any age, they shouldn’t.

Item – So I am going to see Mum on Monday. H isn’t. Snooker final. See above.

Item – Hmph.


13 responses to “Keeping it in the family

  • QoB

    Good. Yes indeed, it is NOT ON.

    My mother and I certainly do not discuss Things of That Nature, or health issues at all, in fact. She only found out I got my first period when she found Always wrappers in the bathroom bin, and has a habit of under-estimating her own health issues and everyone else’s e.g.:”that ankle looks fine, there’s nothing wrong with you!” (I was on crutches for weeks); “Nana is just a bit sick” (cancer, mastectomy); “Ah, it’s just a tiny cut” (questionable skin growth removed from her own face).
    So, no. She has gotten slightly more forthcoming over the years only because my sister is now a doctor and thus the go-to person in the family for any health queries… much to my sister’s delight (not).

  • Amy P

    My mom and I were fairly good about talking about health stuff, and if she’d made it to fully experience menopause (she was just starting to get irregular when she got brain cancer and died in 2000, just after her 52nd birthday. Therefore, I’m assuming I’ll likely be late entering menopause…) we would likely have talked about that, too.

    Actually, Dad was easy to talk to about health stuff too, with the caveat that, of course, he hadn’t experienced any of the lady stuff first hand. He was perfectly willing to talk about it, though–probably something to do with having 2 sisters, being married twice, and living in a house with 3 teenaged girls and one bathroom for a couple years…

  • Womb For Improvement

    Oh your poor Mum. I am not in a position to answer whether this is a normal kind of discussion for mothers and adult daughters, but I imagine even if it were very few daughters would have such good advice at her finger tips. Unfortunately.

    (It did amuse me that throughout the Royal Wedding Stephen Fry was tweeting excitedly about the snooker. I’m more of a darts on TV girl though).

  • korechronicles

    Well, it’s progress of some kind that (a) she has come to you for advice and (b) that she is not applying crystals to her abdomen while imbibing tea made from foul Chinese herbs. Which would have been the first clue for me that my mother was having problems. Because discuss it with me? Never, ever. But you are absolutely right, NOT ON.

    And burst ovarian cysts? Bastards of the First Order.

  • a

    Well, when you have any sort of experience, you get the questions. That’s why all medical questions my mother has are referred to my sister. Who’s a dentist. Any other questions are referred to the nearest convenient male.

    (Example: My mom, my sister the dentist, her husband, and I were on a train in Italy. The air conditioning on the train was not working. It was hot. My mother says to my sister “It’s really hot in here. Why is it so hot in here?” My sister: “the air conditioning is broken.” My mother (to me): “Why is it so hot in here?” Me: “air conditioning is broken.” My mother: “T (my brother-in-law), why is it so hot in here? T: “Uh, I think the air conditioning is broken.” My mother: “Ohhhhh. T says the air conditioning is broken.” My sister and I commence violent eye rolling.)

  • MFA Mama

    No, NOT ON at all. Do bear in mind, however, if the ultrasound reveals A Mass, and they take her to surgery having had her give consent for ex-lap, removal and biopsy of cyst and/or associated ovary and/or uterus and OTHER ovary, this could and most likely WILL turn out to be just a cyst or a stupid fucking fibroid (they can grow on yer ovaries too, y’know, and be big and heavy enough to press on and twist things, with the added bonus of being solid and vascular UNlike a reassuringly hollow cyst on ultrasound!). That’s what I had, and it cost me an ovary (I also had the ute out as my lining was thicker than it SHOULD have been after an ablation and that in conjunction with Ovarian Mass, Not A Cyst makes people like wide margins, plus the bitch was a stroppy cow anyway and I was done using her) and probably ten years off my life in worry, but ultimately it was Nothing Terribly Sinister. Hopefully the ultrasound is nice and reassuring and it was a cyst that burst and is now GONE and the whole thing will go no further, but if you do hear “there is A Mass,” think of me and remember it might not be Terribly Sinister, okay? xox

  • Melissia

    Like MFA Mama, I had a pain, then an ultrasound, then a mass on on ovary which ultimately turned out to be an adhesion that had stuck my bowel to my ovary. While I am not menopausal, I am most likely closer to your mom’ s age than yours.
    And while it may seem strange to you that you would be the keeper of all uterine knowledge, to me it makes perfect sense. Of course, we often discuss these sorts of things in the kitchen at house as my son is in nursing school.

  • wombattwo

    My husband is glued to the snooker too…
    Hope your mum gets her ultrasound soon, and hope that all is OK. Please keep us updated.

  • twangy

    “pedunculated”, blimey. Thinking good thoughts for your mother, that this is going to be fine. I hate it when the parents are in pain. xx

  • shellyweb6

    Hi, I am Michelle Katys friend and I just wanted to say a big thanks for all the lovely words you have had to say for, Keelan, myself and my family. I have set up a blog to tell my story, its probally not that good as I am just getting the idea of how this works. If you get a min have a look, and thanks again.

    Michelle x

  • katie

    What is it with snooker, and otherwise fairly normal and rational men?

    Mine watched it on his laptop while we were watching Doctor Who last night.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Late to the party, but hoping very much that yesterday’s visit was calming to both parties, and your Mum’s ultrasound reveals something very unexciting and easily remedial.

    By virtue of being in bed at dusk currently, I have managed to escape the fact that snooker is currently ruling John’s TV world. Not sure what it is with chaps and their balls, really.

  • Trampled into the primeval swamp by mastodons « Nuts in May

    […] asked about the scan for her scary lady-parts incident. Diagnosis – burst ovarian cyst, ithangyew. Also, she has seen a specialist and had some […]

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