Drugs: just say yes please gimme thank you

Oh my Lord the Diclofenac per exit actually works. It works! It actually, actually, really works.

The Mefenamic acid (GPs drug of choice for treating moderate to severe dysmenorrhea, which has been pushed at me for years as the OneTrue Grail I am seeking) a) gives me heartburn, b) makes me feel sicker than a dog caught eating something questionable, and c) can’t actually ease any discomfort in uncomfortable organs from its usual situation of regurgitated-in-bucket-by-bedside.

To be fair, The Waxy Bullets of Indignity are not 100% delightful. Having inserted one, one must lie down and think stern thoughts about retentiveness for a good twenty minutes, and then one must on no account fart for the rest of the hour. And even then, one must retire to the bathroom for any subsequent moments of *cough* pressure relief in the lower bowel, as the melted bullet of indignity is now quite quite liquid. All the clenching can be quite uncomfortable. Also, after several doses, one’s back passage becomes a tad sore. NSAIDS are rather rough on the old mucous membranes, whichever end you shove them.

On the worst days, the bullets of indignity did not relieve all the pain. If I took only them, I was still in considerable misery. But (oh glorious but*), they did take away the cramps and spasms that run into my back and down my legs and up to my ribs, and they did take away the strong and constant desire to vomit, so I could also take the cocodamol without ‘wasting’ it. And then, with both drugs in my system, I felt a lot better, if high as a freakin’ kite, and I ate a little, and sat up, and watched DVDs and even giggled feebly at them.

You have no idea how happy this is making H.

I think I could’ve even gone back to work today (ie, only two days off, w00t). The diclofenac is keeping me pretty comfortable. However when I woke up this morning I was practically eau-de-nil about the face and felt very dizzy and bleargh. I did spend yesterday bleeding merrily away like a ghoulish version of Bellagio. So I called in sick again. Bite me.

Next time, I shan’t bother with the stupid Mefenamic acid at all. And next time, I shall be back at work with a sunshine face on within 24 hours. (Universe? You back off and let this be so, OK? OK).

*(Yes, I know. I punned. I’m so funny).

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16 responses to “Drugs: just say yes please gimme thank you

  • Bionic Baby Mama

    i must point out that the ecopressed (what is the deal with that) post featured below this one is extolling the virtues of wind power. heh.

    three cheers for the butt-bullets!

  • QoB

    hurray for effective pain management at long long last.

  • Betty M

    Yey! And think what all that buttock etc clenching will do for the pelvic floor too.

  • Korechronicles

    Good news, indeed. No pain and no vomiting is a big win for you and H. Even if it does involve sphincter aerobics.

  • wombattwo

    I always found mefenamic acid to be as much use as a pile of shite, to be honest. Am so pleased that this combination seems to make things much less unpleasant.
    Re the sore issue – use some KY. It helps…
    Imagine, if you can, a junior surgeon being forced to suffer the indignity of a) passing out in theatre due to pain, b) having to ask the anaesthetist for PR diclofenac, c) after using it, having to scrub for the next case with buttocks well and truly clenched. Yes, that was me.

    • May

      I’m already using about a pint of KY per go. It’s definitely making the undignified pretzel moment easier. But the GP who prescribed them warned me they could make one’s back passage sore, just like taking lots of NSAIDs orally can make the stomach sore. I’m tempted to say ‘bummer’.

      My God, you’re made of stern stuff. When I’m on an ‘I could pass out from pain, you know’ day, like HELL I’d be signing up for anything involving standing and/or knives, regardless of happy bottom pills. I admire you hugely.

      • wombattwo

        Ah, fair enough.
        Was a case of having to, and I hasten to add, I wasn’t so bad that I was vomiting at the time. I really don’t think said patient being operated on would have thanked me much for that…

        • Everydaystranger

          I always found running them under some gently warm water before insertion to be the way to go.

          Gently warm being the key. Go for very warm and you’re holding a handful of not-easy-to-stuff-it-up-the-rumpus goo.

  • Carrie (lurker)

    Woohoo! I shall happy dance on your behalf so you don’t have to unclench.

  • Solnushka

    Hurrah! Up the butt pills!

  • a

    You know, it’s nice that you’re not vomiting and writhing in pain and all, but the best part of all of this (for me) is your comment section. I’m laughing out loud.

    Clench on!

  • manapan

    Thank goodness for something that works. And both congratulations and sorry about your cousin’s new addition.

  • twangy

    YAY! Thank goodness for pharmaceuticals. Fantastic news.

    (Love the comments. Butt bullets inspire wit, who knew?)

  • Jane G

    I second Betty M’s comment. All that arse clenching has to be good for the pelvic floor.

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