All systems stall

Item – It’s 7 or 8 dpo, and I still haven’t decided about testing early v. testing late. H is all for testing late and thinking hard about Something Else, daffodils, possibly, or knitting, until the day when I can think, oh, wasn’t my period supposed to start yesterday? But he agrees this will only work if I can think about knitting and such without surcease for a week. Which I can’t. And then, well, it’s a moot point, because I have been obsessively rechecking my own blog and every time I got pregnant, with the exception of the very first time, when I was still inexperienced and clueless, I suspected I was before the peeing-on-stick confirmed it. Even the time I must’ve ovulated at CD8, and on experiencing pain and bleeding CD15 (ie when I could reasonably have been expected to be ovulating), I suspected, and got H to buy pregnancy tests. So either I test early and am sure of a chemical pregnancy, or I don’t, and suspect it strongly, and drive myself mad fretting about it. So I am veering towards testing early if, and only if, I have reason to suspect I am pregnant.

Item – For the record, May’s pregnancy warning symptoms are three or more of the following: temperatures that remain high after 11 dpo, breasts that remain tender after 11 dpo, porn-star nipples after 11 dpo, metal-mouth (this has been known to start as early as 6 or 7 dpo. Hmph), cramps, usually stabbing sharp brief ones, before 11 dpo, heart-burn, crankiness and headacheyness, going off coffee. Nausea I seem to get every cycle, ditto sensitivity to smell, and my breasts usually get tender and sensitive between ovulation and 11 dpo as well, so those can be ignored. Metal-mouth is the usual gold-plated, yes, exactly, unmistakeable symptom. Amount of times I’ve tried to talk myself into thinking I had metal-mouth when actually I’d just eaten tuna salad and was having a repetition incident, countless.

Item – I think I have done some kind of permanent damage to my oesophagus, what with the severe and constant heartburn I had for well over a year a couple of years ago, and all the throwing up I’ve been doing of late. A few times now in the past few months, if I am a tad careless about chewing things like cold chicken, or hard-boiled eggs, or rice or noodles, indeed anything that’s a bit dry and ‘sticky’ in texture, and swallow before it is carefully pureed, it gets stuck, painfully, halfway down. By stuck, I mean stuck. If I swig some water to chase it down, I will merely throw the water straight back up again. Spending ten minutes retching into a coffee cup of a morning FOR NO GOOD (cute, exciting) REASON is very very irritating. Eventually, the damn lump will either go down, or I will throw it up, and after a pause, I can eat something else as long as it’s slippery and moist and I’ve chewed it very thoroughly. I swear, Gentle Readers, I don’t bolt my food as a habit. But I am clearly going to have to become one of those infuriating people who chews every mouthful 20 times (until the food has lost all taste and texture, basically). Also, I googled oesophageal stricture and now I haz a sad. Yes, I know, I need to go and pester my GP again.

Item – Which is why I am ignoring the metal-mouth.


14 responses to “All systems stall

  • twangy

    Poor oesophagus. That sounds miserable. Every year I make the New Year’s resolution: CHEW MORE – sounds feasible, doesn’t it? Other people resolve to run marathons and so on, after all. I slip back into the chancy bold world of Eating Quite Quickly, after a day or two.

    Sorry, May, that you have to deal with that too. xx

  • Bionic Baby Mama

    you and your sneaky final items. well.

    re: food pipe. if part of what yours needs is a good break from being burned, allow me to recommend my new best friend, prevacid, aka omeprazole. (i like to call it oh-me-prah-zoh-lee. sounds eye-talian.) it is truly a godsend.

  • Bionic Baby Mama

    ah. just realized the acid bit is in the past. reading comprehension!

    best go to the doctor. sugar’s grandmother’s stenosis got so bad she isn’t supposed to eat chocolate. (which does make it easy to please her, as all we have to do is sneak her some.) the very thought makes me a bit suicidal.

  • Womb For Improvement

    Sounds like you don’t really need the tests. You’ve got this symptom-thing down pat.

  • Korechronicles

    Hmm. I was expecting there would be a punchline at the end of Item 2 but got so interested in the oesophageal problem in Item 3 that Item 4 managed to get up and smack me. Good work as per usual playing on my short attention span.


  • Nina

    An esophageal stricture isn’t damage, it’s a fixable condition with an Esophagogastroduodenoscopy (EGD) scope, a large bougie (pronounced boojee), and some general anesthesia. Well, that’s what they do here. I can’t imagine it’s much different in the UK, but lots of things seem to be different there! Don’t ignore the metal-mouth, but don’t test and torture yourself unnecessarily without all the other symptoms. This is the reason ‘someone I know’ peed on 8 sticks cause she’s neurotic, and there might have been something wrong with the first 7. Definitely consult your nearest gastroenterologist about the esophageal thing. Good luck, sweets!

  • a

    Yeah, that last one…hmmm.

    Well, anyway, Wikipedia says to eat foods that naturally stretch the esophagus to avoid the stricture. To which, I said WHAT? (as in, how would that help? and also, which foods exactly stretch the esophagus? and why do all of you other English speakers add extra vowels to everything (i.e. oesophagus and aluminium)? Did you steal them all from the Eastern Europeans?)

  • manapan

    I think you have the right idea on Item 1 since you’ll know anyway.

  • Phil

    Oesophageal stricture. Please go and see your friendly GP and get it sorted before you end up in A&E not being able to swallow anything and have difficulty breathing from having something stuck, it’s no fun at all I can tell you.

    As for the rest of it all, I am as always wishing you both all the best.

  • wombattwo

    Re: the oesophagus, get thee to a GP (which reminds me, haven’t heard much about Doc Tashless in a while – is he still around?) pronto. In the meantime, if something gets stuck, drink coke. I kid you not, we used to try it in A&E with all those who hadn’t chewed their meat properly/had a skinny oesophagus and it does work. Unless the food item is well and truly lodged, in which case it’s IV buscopan and then an oesophagoscopy if that doesn’t work.

  • Betty M

    Metal mouth you say – interesting. Very interesting.
    I second the omeprazole for heartburny type things – kicks ranitidine in the arse big time. If it wasnt horribly illegal would send you some for test purposes!

  • Oh, the dreariness (at least not woe-bollocky) « Nuts in May

    […] well. I was expecting it to. After the aforementioned episode of metal-mouth, almost certainly brought on by an attack of heartburn, I had nothing else to make me feel even a […]

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