Daily Archives: February 3, 2011

Hello, good evening, and welcome to the middle of the film

Gentle Readers, you all know that my periods, over the past few years, have been getting increasingly painful and craptastic. And I’m in pain for more days, each cycle. It’s getting quite hard to deal with (how people in this state with small children, or unsympathetic bosses, or unhelpful partners, cope, I do not know, but I think they deserve cups and medals).

Anyway, I have been researching palliative treatments for adenomyosis (only ‘cure’ is hysterectomy. Or menopause. Um). The one that keeps coming up as being really quite effective in alleviating the pain and the bleeding, is the mirena coil.

It’s a contraceptive device, naturally, so getting one would mean taking a trying-to-conceive break. Probably at least of six months, so the hormones in it get a chance to shrink the patch of adenomyosis a bit. I’d still be ovulating (probably. Some few women do stop ovulating on the coil), but my endometrium, wherever the hell it has got to, would simply not grow. Sounds ideal, yes?

Well, it might stop me ovulating, and I don’t know if I trust Satsuma to leap back into action. I suppose we can always hit her with a brick when the time comes. It’d make her feel at ovulatory home anyway, given that’s how she usually feels when she’s laying.

What is more concerning, is I actually have an abnormally shaped uterine cavity (it’s arcuate, or heart-shaped, and why the Cute Ute is cute), and a coil might not actually fit. Which would be a bummer.

(There are always Lupron Depot injections, but that really would give Satsuma (who is delicate and not to be fucked with) a kicking. Mirena coils are less systemic, more, eh, targeted? at the offending organ. And Danazol and other androgenic treatments are an absolute, utter, total NO. I have PCOS. I am already hirsute and spotty and fat, thank you).

So last night I asked H what he thought of taking a break for a few months, and seeing if we can get the Cute Ute to shut the fuck up and calm the fuck down. H looked troubled and said it made him feel uneasy. Why? said I, twitching faintly. H reminded me that his own mother had managed to get pregnant while on the coil, and had lost that baby. But but but, I expostulated, the mirena coil is considerably more effective than the ordinary coil, even, as a contraceptive. It’s more effective than the pill. It’s something like 99.9% effective. The coil H’s poor Mum was using was not a hormone one, as they didn’t exist in the 70s. It’s different.

H was still uneasy. He wandered off muttering about having to use condoms for six months. Keeping in mind he only found out that his mother lost that pregnancy because of a malfunctioning coil less than a year ago (he’d known that there had been a miscarriage between himself and his brother since forever), I think he’s being weird. He is also being weird about it in silence in the other room, rather than talking to me. And last night, he was very much giving the impression, now strenuously denied, that he felt uneasy about taking a break at all.

I hate it when that happens. Which of us is being daft and imagineering parts of the conversation? Did I jump to conclusions? Is he in denial? Amnesiac? That’s it, I’m bugging every room in the flat right now.

But honestly, either I get proper full-on take-home baby pregnant by my 36th birthday, or I have a break and get a mirena coil (if possible, if it will fit, and if not possible, God, I don’t know, go back on the pill or try Lupron). Because this last cycle hurt for over two weeks. And adenomyosis gets worse every month. Of course it does. How could it not?

We’ve been trying to get pregnant for over five years now. I’ve begun to think of my 40th birthday as the ‘Jesus Christ, enough already’ day, also known as Cute Ute’s Eviction Day. So we’re already over half-way through the Decade of I Lost My Tiny Mind. Definitely I could do with a break.