Residual issues

I did not go to the EPU this morning.

I very badly did not want to go. The one with the walk-in clinic the GP wanted me to go to is the one I attended when I lost Pikaia, and it was horrible. The waiting room is full of happy families all there for the 20-week anatomy scan. The secretarial staff are breath-takingly rude. The doctor who did that scan got shirty with me for weeping and being unable to discuss whether I wanted a D&C or not less than three minutes after she’d told me my precious, precious baby was dead. When we went back for the D&C, they put us back in that same waiting-room. I had to fill out the paperwork with the nurse right there in that fucking crowded waiting-room, surrounded by pregnant women and their excited kids, partners, grand-parents etc., facing a TV-screen showing adverts and infomercials for breast-feeding and nappies. The D&C gave me a severe and excruciatingly painful infection and landed me back in hospital a few days later. That sucked too. At one point, dirty, sweaty, wearing only a short hospital gown, having spent days vomiting and in agony in a hospital bed, they wheeled me down to that exact same waiting-room and left me there for nearly an hour to wait for yet another follow-up scan, while small scared children stared at me wide-eyed asked their enormously rounded mothers ‘what’s the matter with that lady?’ and their mothers backed away from me in horror.

I am not going back to that EPU unless they wheel me through it unconscious.

Before you all fret, I discussed it at length with H, and we decided that if I was still bleeding red or in the least bit crampy this morning, I would phone the nice, gentle, thoughtful EPU at Mothership Hospital, who saw me through the loss of Flash and Zombryo, and ask them to look after me.

Lo and behold, today I am merely spotting heavily, and not cramping even a little bit.

If anything bothers me at all at all, I will phone the EPU I like. At the EPU I like, the general maternity clinic is right the other side of the hospital from it. The waiting rooms are small, and there are several of them, so the nurses can put you somewhere more private if you’re upset. Your paperwork is done in an office, with the door shut. The ward, should you need to be admitted, is just around the corner rather than several floors and corridors away. The receptionist is kind and efficient. The medical staff are patient and gentle.

I feel fine, now, anyway.

(No I don’t. I feel angry and sad and bitter and miserable and frustrated and very, very, very tired of this).


13 responses to “Residual issues

  • katie

    I think you are very wise. I have thankfully only had thoughtful GPs and gynaes who didn’t make me sit with too many pregnant ladies (one, only, once) and in one case said “no need to put yourself through that”. And I am at least glad for that.

  • katyboo1

    Oh lovey. I have been there. I had such terrible treatment at the Royal Free when I had my D&C and ectopic I refused to go back. They show absolutely no sensitivity to the fact that you have lost a child in that situation and it is totally heart breaking. I do not blame you at all, and as you are feeling a bit better physically today and have a back up plan I will allow you to stay at home. Take good care of yourself please. Love to you both.xx

  • Solnushka

    Oh HELL no, don’t go back to _that_ EPU. I hadn’t realised that was the advice the doc gave. No. No. No.

    Glad the physical stuff is easing up a bit though. *hugs* for the rest.

  • wombattwo

    Urgh. I totally understand, and think you made the right decision. I remember sitting in the waiting room in an Aussie EPU with children/pregnant women all around me. I couldn’t look at the walls because of all the baby posters, and I couldn’t look at the floor because there were children on it. I sat there with my eyes shut in the end, and only the husband prevented me from sticking my fingers in my ears and screaming. Whichever person decided miscarrying women should be in the same place as pregnant women is a moron. Full stop.
    The shirty doctor needs a slap. A big one.
    And you know how I feel about D&Cs… evil things.
    At the end of the day, I also think that what you’ve decided is highly sensible. You’re very much not an idiot, you know when you’re not happy, and I’m sure you have a very good idea when something is wrong.
    As for the emotional side of things… I’m experiencing many of those feelings myself at the moment, so can empathise, as I’m sure many others who read can. I don’t know how to make it better, for any of us, and I do so wish I could. All I can do is send hugs, and mince pies, and cups of tea, and gin, and say that if there’s anything else that will help; you only need say the word.

  • Cathy

    My heart is heavy reading your story, I can’t imagine how yours and H’s are

  • Betty M

    Sounds like you made the correct call. That EPU sounds terrible. My one was a couple of floors below all the Antenatal clinics so you waited with post menopausal women having gynae scans which was far preferable.

    Wishing you only good things.

  • a

    Good plan – the Mothership hospital sounds like a much better option. Perhaps you could find some terrorists and nudge them to that particular EPU as their next target (after hours, of course!) – sounds like an explosion would do it some good.

  • Ben

    You can make an informed choice in these matters. Informed. Ye gods.

    Oh and the Dr you mention? Tourettes. Tour-fucking-ettes.

    Be well, be safe. At least be a bit Better…


  • Korechronicles

    The Mothership sounds like an excellent Plan B since Plan A is utterly, completely and totally Not For You.

    Sending more mince pies, gin and tea and Large Antipodean Hugs. x

  • twangy

    I totally understand your feelings about That Place. I am the same – I have this yawning fear that feels like being in a falling lift. In addition to which, they could hardly have made a worse job of your treatment, could they? Beggers belief.

    Take care, having said all that. To the good EPU, if there’s any bothering at all at all, AT ALL, okay, May?

  • Laurel

    Your plans sound eminently reasonable.

    I hope that 2010 has finished with you and that 2011 is orders of magnitude better.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    *sympathetic grimace*
    *grim nod*
    Yes, have encountered some of that type of treatment. Sadly not just THAT unit. Where are the staff’s brains? Their humanity, fer fucks sake?
    Stay home, sweetheart. Stay warm.
    Many, many hugs.

  • Womb For Improvement

    Good call. At least there are still some areas where you are empowered. Take care.

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