The past 24 hours have been truly unpleasant. The cramps were horribly painful – eh, if you’ve been singing along for a while you’ll know that my periods are usually horribly painful – and came with an added hearty dose of vomiting. Not just once or twice, as in my past few periods, but again and again, all night, until there was absolutely nothing, not even bile, left to hurl. And I couldn’t even take painkillers for about 12 hours, because when I tried, I threw them straight back up again.

At one point H, who was being saintly about being woken up every two hours to rinse out my washing-up bowl, asked me if I needed an ambulance. It was that fun.

But I did not have a major haemorrhage, so we didn’t bother with ambulances.

I am feeling better now. Very dehydrated, but I’ve managed to eat a mug-ful of chicken soup with tiny pasta stars in (best food ever for colds, stomach bugs, and general misery), and while still sore and aching from ribs to knee, much less uncomfortable.

H, poor poor sod, has a partially erupted wisdom-tooth, which decided that now, now after years of good behaviour, is a splendid time to develop some kind of infection. He’s on antibiotics, but his face hurts and I’m sure he’s been feverish the past couple of days.

We’re a pair of utter wrecks.

As for The Professor and her private clinic of tender loving care, I am feeling very much WTF about them. No HCG? Really? Why not? I mean, I understand why no scan – I never even got to the end of ‘week 4’, so nothing would have been visible on a scan anyway, but no HCG? *whimper*.

(We have a follow-up appointment with her on the 4th of January (I think H said), and by ‘eck I will be mentioning the lack of HCG).

Meanwhile, meanwhile, dear readers, six miscarriages. Six. And, if I hadn’t been testing like a maniac from 9dpo in a desperate attempt to save this pregancy with the power of aspirin, I’d’ve never known it was there in the first place, I lost it so soon. (Suspected it, probably, what with the high temperatures, super sense of smell, ickiness, mystic feeling of interconnectedness within my uterus, yada yada yada).

Merry Bloody Christmas.


23 responses to “Miserable.

  • Bryony

    still thinking of you both Bx

  • wombattwo

    I know there’s nothing I can say to make this any better, so I will just send you both my love, and all my hopes for a brighter tomorrow.
    Hugs xxx

  • .

    Sorry you’re going through this again, but technically it was a chemical pregnancy. It sounds like your period was never even late.
    And 1 HCG test isn’t going to tell you squat. Multiple HCG tests over a period of time will tell you if the numbers are increasing or decreasing, which is what you’d want to know.

  • katyboo1

    All my love to you both. I had six too. Even though I have children, each miscarriage was utterly devastating and I miss them all, each one. I lost all of mine really early as well, and it just sucked, and sucked and sucked. I am so very, very sorry for your losses. I think you are very brave and if you need me to come and kick shins, just let me know.xx

  • MFA Mama

    Oh, May. I do SO hate this for you and H!

  • Bionic Baby Mama

    it just sucks so fucking much.

    there are no words, but “motherfucking monkey shit,” “slimy donkey balls,” and “maggoty marmoset mucous” all come to mind.

    damn it.

  • lulu

    That is effing miserable. I can’t believe how much heartache you and your hubby must be suffering. I am sending you lots and lots of love, for what it’s worth.

  • a

    I will marginally (and very politely and respectfully) disagree with the Brain of Britain up there…you can sometimes get an idea from a single hCG of where things are headed. For instance, when my last first number was 40, I didn’t really even need to hear that the second number was 26. (And, by the way, I can’t remember whether I ordered my food for carry-out or dine-in 25 seconds ago, but I can remember random numbers from last spring. Amazing.) Because the first number should have been over one hundred. Anyway. Testing hCG levels…multiple times…should be mandatory. It can’t possibly be an expensive test – results can be had the same day. They don’t actually kill rabbits for it any more.

    Sigh…chemical pregnancy or not…once you see that positive result, your brain fast forwards 10 months to 18 years and you just can’t stop it.

    Hope you and H are feeling physically better soon. I know the mental state just enters a new and less pleasant realm, but the pain will ease eventually. All I know is, if the phrase “whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” is true, you are one strong woman.

  • Melissia

    I too have been blessed with living children (like Katybool) and two losses, at both ends of the spectrum, one very early, and one very, very late. Many years have passed, almost 25 in Kathleen’s case and the pain has always been the same for me at least, the potential of their lives, what would they be doing now, had those babies lived.
    So it doesn’t matter if this pregnancy lasted two days or 9 months, May and H, I am so sorry for what could have been. And that once again you are going through this terrible pain.
    You are both in my thoughts.

  • May

    No HCG? Really? What is WRONG with these people? Did they check your progesterone, at least? Is it possible that these losses are due to both clotting issues AND a lack of enough progesterone to sustain the pregnancy? I hope someone, somewhere in your giant medical file has thought of this.

    Many hugs and mugs of soup mentally winging their way across the Atlantic.

  • twangy

    Goes without saying that I am SO sorry too, May and H. My heart goes out to you.

    Wish I could do something to help – I trust that you will look to the west if you think of something I could do.

    Many hugs.

  • Korechronicles

    I’m really, really sorry that this is such another miserable loss to add to your suffering. Thinking of you both as always and wishing there was something, anything I could do to make things better.

  • Allison

    Fuck, May. I’m so sorry.

  • conceptionallychallenged

    I’m so very sorry.
    Why no tests? Why do the wisdom teeth act up now? Why so many?
    Thinking of you.

  • Betty M

    So what were they doing with their two vials of blood? Not bloody helping whatever it was. This is all so unfair. Wishing it was different for you and H. x

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