Pee-sticks at dawn

So, it being nine days post-ovulation, and with my special magic baby-saving aspirin bouncing up and down on the top of the fridge in readiness, I got up at seven am this morning and broke out the pregnancy tests.

(I didn’t want to get up at seven am. It was bloody Saturday morning. Surely one of the few Schadenfreude-tinged joys of being a barren bitch is being able to have a colossal lie-in on a Saturday morning. But my bladder insisted).

Having peed on a stick (or, in other words, peed in a mug kept specially for pee, then having dipped a stick in it), I made myself tea (in another, cleaner mug I keep for tea, because I am not feral (‘When I makes tea I makes tea, and when I makes water I makes water,’ – ‘Begob, Ma’am, God send you don’t make them in the one pot’ (Ulysses. I’m flying tonight))). And then I went back and looked at my stick and thought (eeep! Eeeep!) I saw a very, very faint line on it. (Eeeeeeeeeep).

The fucking thing had faded away completely by the end of an hour, though. Completely. No sign of the line. Mayhap I was hallucinating.

So this evening I peed on another stick, which played the exact same trick. Line, vanishing before the ten minutes were up. So I double-checked the expiry dates on the packets, and said something utterly unprintable even by my very, very lax standards, and took an aspirin anyway, because, well, they’re cheap.

The Internet Super-Sensitive Pee-Sticks of Doom expired November 2010.


15 responses to “Pee-sticks at dawn

  • Korechronicles

    Everything that can be crossed at Villa Kore is crossed. Which is making walking diffiuclt but will not slag off on erratic pee-stick behaviour in case it prompts them to even more wilful mind-fuckery.

  • a

    I suppose on the super-sensitive pee-sticks of doom, the expiration date matters. I generally tend to ignore those sorts of things. So you are going to purchase more tomorrow, right? Hoping for lasting lines…

    (Also, I would like to thank you for coining the term “zombryo,” as I found myself in possession of one this week – we attempted an IVF cycle, and I think you can tell how that went. Being old sucks.)

  • BigP's Heather

    And H is currently at the store buying more, right?! RIGHT?!

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Hmmmm. Interesting, my dear Watson!
    I was going to text you this morning to enquire about possible pee-stick shenanigans, wish I had! Would post you some of mine, but Eb*y’d get them there quicker, I suspect. I WILL send you some T*sco HCG-divining sticks, though, on the basis that They Rock, and I know you don’t have them locally.
    Needless to say, am rooting firmly for a line tomorrow morning that has rather more in the way of pink permanency to it.

  • Bionic Baby Mama

    but have you ever been tempted to make H tea in that mug?

    i have a hard time believing those things really conk out the moment they pass their expiration date. but what to make of it?

    since my brain will pester me about this until you post again, i expect you will get something fresher to piddle on, pronto. until then, i remain you curious computing companion….

  • MFA Mama

    Eeeeeep! Dammit, woman, don’t you lot have 24-hr pharmacies (chemists) over there??? My nerves can’t take this!

  • Amanda

    Oh please tell me you have more pee-sticks coming very very soon!!! Lines that disappear before 10 minutes are better than lines that appear after 10 minutes, right?

    Crossing all crossable bits!

  • g

    You are going to urinate on something else SOON, right?

  • Melissa G

    I have never understood the concept of expiration dates on hpt’s. But the further I’ve gotten in the process the more cruel they seem.

    Hope you get some new tests soon – sans the evaporating second line.

  • Valery

    silly sticks… My last one showed like three pixels at the top after an hour. Like they needed cruel jokes built in.

  • manapan

    NOOOOOOOOO! More sticks! Ones that keep their second line for a good long time, please.

  • Betty M

    Pee sticks are the devil. Pound shops at least provide super cheap ones (I learnt this week that that is where most bRitish pee sticks are bought). Anyway given that you are now almost certainly post potential (definite hopefully) implantation surely you can break out the aspirin? I took it throughout. Crossing digits for you.

  • wombattwo

    Aargh! quick, go and pee on something else, please! My jangled and fluey nerves can’t take it! Everything is crossed. Twice.

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