What she said

Hello, petals. I’m feeling ever so much better, thank you.

I did love all your comments on my last post, threatening international mayhem and possible slaying if my clinic doesn’t produce something fabulous at the visit next week. But, my dears, HFF is completely and utterly right – have you read her comment? Please nip back and read her comment – and the reason I am not expecting much to come of this visit is that, reallio-trulio, there is not much that can be done for me. To whit:

I have adenomyosis. The cures for this are, um, hysterectomy. And that’s it. There is no cure that will also allow me to have a baby. As for palliative treatments, or treatments that will slow or reverse the condition for a while, well, they are, variously: months of Lupron or similar oestrogen suppressants; months of birth-control pills; months of the Mirena coil. All these also do not allow one to get pregnant. Therefore, beyond tweaking my pain medications, there’s absolutely screw-all to be done. Until the point I flip out completely and do one of the above for six months just to give myself a break (obviously, not the hysterectomy. I’m saving that for my 40th birthday).

And I get pregnant quite regularly (when my sodding ovary isn’t on a crazed SHAN’T bender), and Clomid makes me anovulatory, and arsing about with my oestrogen levels is Not Good for the adenomyosis anyway. My husband’s sperm is plentiful and can swim. IVF, with or without ICSI or PGD, does not at all increase the chances of NOT miscarrying for women like me. So there really isn’t much even the most eager of fertility clinics can offer me. As HFF said. (I shall get her to do all my posts when I feel shite. She’s very good).

What I do want, if possible, if NHS resources stretch that far, is monitoring, if Satsuma the Ovary of Recalcitrance acts up again. I would like to be able to call them and say ‘look, it’s day 21, and there’s been not a peep from within’ or ‘it’s day 21 and within is Making a Fuss’, depending, and they’ll book me in and have a look and be able to say ‘ovary’s doing nothing, take provera’ or, ‘hang in there, I can see a lead follicle’ or, ‘yep, that’s a cyst,’ or even ‘shi- err, shoot. I think a piranha is eating your fallopian tube.’ And, as a bonus, I’d like a 7dpo progesterone test, because 11-day luteal phases, while not in the official ‘man, you iz borked‘ ball-park of How Not To Do A Luteal Phase, are stupidly short and I worry.

And there you have it. I want a monitored cycle monitored on my terms, and the NHS wants to save money and wash its hands of me.

Anyway. Cycle 30-something-or-other. For the past five years, I’ve been begging and pleading with the Universe to let me be pregnant for Christmas, as all these infant-free, infertile Giant Holy Baby Celebration Family-Is-Everything Extravaganzas are… depressing. And then there was last Christmas. Where I was pregnant, after all. Hah! Hah, I say! So now I do not wish for anything baby-related and tinsely at all. I merely wish to eat a roast potato at some point, and perhaps get drunk at least once.

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6 responses to “What she said

  • a

    What are the chances of getting a monitored cycle? Could you operate under the guise of 30-some cycles of randomness combined with the need for early intervention in order to create a viable pregnancy? I wish you luck – I’m sure you could craft a wily argument to get your way. And there is always the stomping of the tiny princess feet…

    I second the drunkenness at Christmas…although I never manage it myself.

  • everydaystrange

    I wring my hands in despair for you. I want to order legions of doctors to do as you ask, like an episode of Grey’s Anatomy that has a positive outcome, cutting to the final shot which shows you looking rather exhausted but glowing and clutching a tiny healthy newborn, which then cuts to a shot of two interns making out in a supply cupboard (well it’s not like I can control my fantasies or anything).

  • wombattwo

    I think after 5 years, a monitored cycle (or two, or three) is very reasonable. I may be hallucinating here, which is entirely possible, but I remember something, somewhere, about injections that induce ovulation? Would it be possible to have those if there is nothing doing on Satsuma’s front? (Apologies if mistaken/confused/already tried etc)
    Anyhow, I know Christmas is difficult, and depressing, so I wish for you a peaceful, cosy Christmas, with your fabulous husband, and lots of good food and alcohol.
    And I’m glad you’re feeling better x

  • g

    Darling May,

    I disagree with one thing about what your clinic seems to offer. Your clinic should be offering you FSH ovulation induction. OVULATING is the step between non-response to clomid and IVF and as you point out, you have all the other requisites.

    Pulling out my hair this side of the big pond on your behalf,

    xx

    g

  • Betty M

    They should be offering you at least one properly monitored cycle anyway as part of a proper fertility workup and as you don’t want clomid or ivf you’d have thought that throwing in a couple more cycles would come out as saving money.

  • thalia

    Yes to what they said. But also, the lupron/Zoladex or similar treatment is what enabled them to get my endo (strong relation to adenomyosis) under control. After a year of that and ivf cycles alternately, I got pregnant with Pob so am obviously a fan. I know you can’t get pregnant while you are suppressed, but you aren’t suppressed forever (idea is 3-4 months from an injection) – isn’t it worth trying to kill off the adenomyosis?

    Although of course who knows what satsuma would make of that treatment.

    But yes to monitored cycles, obv that is a good idea.

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