As you were

I peed on another HPT this morning, another really ultra-sensivite 10mIU one. It presented me with an absolutely virginally blank white surface where the second line should have been.

Huh.

No more pain, no fresh bleeding (traces of pink spotting, now drying up).

Huh, I say again.

I’m, well, I’m startled to find myself relieved. As much as I long and long and beg and pray [pray? You’re an atheist] to be pregnant again, I still find the thought of it very scary. And finding out I’m pregnant while bleeding and being in pain and not knowing when I ovulated? Too scary.

I apologize for all the flusterment last night. I freaked out. I’m not a brave strong stoic insouciant person at all, really. I’m a neurotic wimp.

Anyway. Current theories:

  1. Satsuma finally ovulated in spectacular style, possibly throwing a double (I’m older, there have been non-identical twins in the family, I have PCOS, all things that increase the chance of throwing a double), and the bleed was Sore Ovary Being Sore.
  2. Satsuma grew a nice big cyst, and it popped at last, hence pain and blood, and which would also explain why this cycle is so *nnnnyrgh* delayed already.
  3. Polyps. Again. They cause random stupid bleeding. I know, I was there, I was that soldier, I nearly bled to fucking death. It was certainly the death of fucking. Ovarian pain remains unexplained in this scenario.
  4. Weird hormonal weirdness of weird causing uterine lining to ‘break down’, which comes under the heading of Crap That Happens To Women With PCOS. Ovarian pain unexplained in this scenario too.
  5. Apparently, according to Dr Google (I know I shouldn’t talk to Dr Google. Sorry), adenomyosis can cause a lot of spotting and light bleeding (urgh). I do spot for a week or so after the end of each period. Spotting at random now? Did I say ‘urgh’? Again, Satsuma’s shrieky fit remains mystery.
  6. Or, hey, I am pregnant, but have strangely and suddenly become one of the small percentage of women who do not excrete HCG in their urine. About as likely as being struck by lightening while holding a winning lottery ticket and being crowned Queen of Cuba by Richard Dawkins now Archbishop of York. *Takes aspirin, whimpers over lack of coffee, hates everything*

A special shout-out to HFF, who photographed a non-pregnant peed-on peestick of the same brand and emailed the picture to me so I could do compare-and-contrast with my stupid evap line of stupid. It’s no fun having a paranoid freak-out without friends to hold your hand and enable you along the way.

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22 responses to “As you were

  • MFA Mama

    Well, shit. I don’t know what to say to this except that I’m awfully glad you aren’t exsanguinating!

  • The Sheila

    I don’t think it was a paranoid freak out – I reckon I would have reacted the exact same way in your position. If #1 has happened, have you had an increase in your temp too? Time to evict the goalie again?!

  • Melissia

    Hey, it is okay to be paranoid. I am not sure why you are not peeing on a stick morning, noon and night starting at day 15 in your cycle. That is how paranoid I would be. We are gearing up for a mock cycle and then a FET after the first of the year and I am already wonderind if I need to start charting temps, tracking stuff,etc and I have plenty of time. Don’t I?
    So do what you need, in order to stay sane, and if we can send HFFW to She Who Cannot Be Named for a dressing down, then I will be happy to contribute to the travel and whip funds!

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Perhaps I should elucidate: For Satsuma! Although non-performing peesticks could have a bit of slapping, too.

  • wombattwo

    Freak out? Flusterment? Totally, totally understandable and normal in this situation. Plus I know I would have peed on about 50 sticks in the space of an hour if it was me.
    I have no idea what happened, if I was a betting woman I’d go for no.1, er, or 2. But only at a push, as I just don’t understand your innards (or anyone else’s to be fair) and think they should behave better.
    Big gold star to HFF, how fabulous is that woman?!

  • QoB

    I would also bet on 1 or 2 but I’m mostly glad you’re ok.

  • L.

    Yes, although I suppose that whatever works, works …. If you find yourself pregnant it would be nice for you to be pregnant in an anticipated way (oh look, I ovulated, now I’m late…) and with no blood attendant. So in one way I’m a little relieved for you. 100% normal that you freaked out, the way your innards have been behaving, but I hope this signals the beginning of some more regular behavior on Satsuma’s part.

    Enquiring minds want to know, do you have a call into the specialist (I’m sorry, I don’t remember her alias)? I’m not even sure if she could be useful, just wondered.

    I hope you’re feeling calm and not in pain and I agree with the general consensus that HFF is totally awesome. Very glad she’s there for you.

  • manapan

    Hoping for no.1, betting on no.2. Any way, I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. (((hugs)))

  • Teuchter

    It’s all so bloody frustrating for you both.
    :hugs:

  • Betty M

    Slightly flustered at twists and turns chez May. No idea of which of 1 to 6 it could be although think it would be wise to avoid twin scenarios if possible. Satsuma – you need to get on and do the appropriate thing please.

  • twangy

    Oh my. With you – mixed feelings (re single line) hardly covers it, does it?

    Glad you survived the headwreck, in any case. Bloody hell.
    No 2 would seem like a reasonable explanation, in my inexpert opinion. FWIW, ie not much.

  • carole

    Perfectly sensible to be scared of a possible pregnancy that starts with pain and bleeding! Freak-outs are almost obligatory in those circs.

    Any more clarification, such as temp rise or similiar to indicate if Satsuma FINALLY got her sorry bottom into gear and did what ovaries do?

  • BigP's Heather

    I’ve spent more time than I care to admit searching for your email address cause I didn’t want to do this here…but, I wanted you to know I’m thinking about you guys.

    Today is (in America) National Pregnancy and Infant Loss day and I’m lighting a candle today. I’m thinking of lots of folks and I wanted you to know I’m sending up a special prayers. I’m thinking of Pikaia.

  • wombattwo

    When I lit my candle last night, I thought about Pikaia too, as well as our baby. Hugs x

  • Valery

    so, did satsuma explain herself yet? any pointers for hypotheses more likely than others?
    (the bleeding being a ‘light’ period because of anovulatory cycle would be what happens to me all the time now, and not translate to your situation I suppose)
    hugs anyway.

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