Idle speculation

Item – I think, I think, Satsuma put out on Friday. We’d even had some of that sex my fertility doctors have been going on and on and on about.

Item – So that’s OK then.

Item – *Counts days repeatedly on fingers, glares at calendar*

Item – H and I were going to go on holiday for the first couple of weeks in September. H is now too nervous to book anything in case something happens. Hell, so am I. We were planning on visiting my Dad and listening to him rant on about immigrants and/or the Sixties for hours on end while being kippered to buggery by his incessant bloody smoking, the wood-stove, and the odour of wet dog. We were planning to stay in a nice hotel afterwards to recuperate. We were planning on lots of hiking and possibly some ferries and general remoteness. If (it’s a big if, so IF (did anyone mention a one in six chance per cycle? I’m sure I read that somewhere (mind you, me, hah hah, since I stopped arsing about with Clomid last summer I’ve been impregnanted four times in ten cycles, so how d’ya like them eggrolls?)) – where was I? Oh yes. IF I am in a delicate condition, I will need to be attending The Professor’s clinic sharpish, for more goddamn buggeration blood-tests and so on. Being 450 miles away will be… unhelpful. Not to mention the whole ‘what the hell do we do if it all starts going tits-up?’ enfrettlement, half-way up a moor in a fog out of phone range like-as-not, surrounded by wet sheep and bracken. And stoats.

Item – I am inclined to say the hell with it and book hotels anyway, because if I spend the first couple of days of September being disappointed, miserable, and stoned, as I probably will, I will certainly need some crisp white sheets and room service to get over it.

Item – Chickens, unhatched, countie countie.

Item – Samantha Cameron gave birth today, a few weeks early. It was the Big Sole Topic of Conversation in the office all afternoon. Which cheered me up no end, as you can all imagine. On the whole, though, I am grateful to Mrs Cameron for having (safely) got the whole thing out of the way now. I think watching the media go into a feeding-frenzy the same week Zombryo was supposed to be due would have done fucking wonders for my temper.


16 responses to “Idle speculation

  • Solnushka

    Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t there. The important thing to remember is that it will not actually improve the odds to be half way up the moor being pickled by your Dad. That’s the bit I always have difficulty with though.

    Good girl Satsuma though. Late but not forgetting.

  • a

    I was going to ask if you could just postpone the vacation for a week or two, and then I thought…no. Sigh. Damned procreation – taking over your whole life like that. How about October, then?

    Hurray for Satsuma and sex, anyway…

  • wombattwo

    Well done, satsuma!
    The whole booking holidays and planning stuff sort of thing in this situation is a big pile of arse. I tend to err on the side of “Do it anyway”. Everyone needs crisp white sheets and room service.
    Am actually glad I’m in Oz and missing Mrs Cameron, although here they do go on about a random Princess Mary (who?) who is pregnant with “miracle twins”. Of course she already has 2-3 children. Perhaps not such a miracle after all? I’m not bitter… really…

  • Ben Warsop

    Colour me cynical, wombat two, but when a 38 year old woman has twins I hear the rattle of tiny test-tubes in the background, even when there are no dynastic responsibilities.

    Good luck with what every you decide to do, May. If you are Up Our Way and have time, do drop by.



    • wombattwo

      Apparently it’s natural… Or they’re natural…

    • carole

      Colour me cynical, wombat two, but when a 38 year old woman has twins I hear the rattle of tiny test-tubes in the background, even when there are no dynastic responsibilities.

      Because IVF is a bad thing? Cheating or something?

      • wombattwo

        I meant no offence.
        I never said IVF was cheating.

      • May

        Whoa, Carole, that’s not at all what anyone said or MEANT. If anything, we (yes, me too) are feeling saddened and cynical that a woman who has had IVF feels she has to pretend like mad she needed no treatment, because of the stigma that still attaches to it and to infertility generally. Look at poor Princess Masako of Japan, finally had a daughter, and yet is being driven frantic by the IMMENSE pressure to have a male child.

        I personally, and many other people I know, would all like to see People in the Public Eye announcing loud-and-proud that they needed medical help. Some brave celebrities have, and I salute them.

        (Not that Princess Mary needed to worry dynastically. She’s done the heir and the spare. On that note and on a boring fact-checking mission – I had been given to understand that twins become MORE common as women age as older ovaries are more likely to spit out multiple eggs. Am I wrong? I’m quite willing to be wrong).

        • carole

          I quite agree that celebrities ought to be more honest about needing IVF and other services especially those in their mid to late 40s, but think that 38 is a bit young to be ‘cynical’ about her chances of getting pregnant the old fashioned way. And indeed it’s true that the chances of twins (and more) increase when you get older, because it’s actually a sort of malfunction of the system: nature says one at a time is better.

          However, who the heck is this Princess Mary? In Australia? That’s still ours, isn’t it 🙂

  • carole

    Little bit sick of Sam Cam myself. Apart from the big thing being made about being 3 weeks early (3 weeks early? Try 12 bloody weeks early! THAT’S a news story), we’ve has nothing all pregnancy but how fantatic she’s been looking. I HATE that. Reminds me of the way they used to go on about Diana, which is why I hated her too….

  • Illanare

    Stoats? Really?

    No wise words of wisdom re the holiday 😦

  • Twangy

    Hmm, the being nervous itself might not make for the most relaxifying experience ever (and staying with your Dad DOES sound like a rose bed!!) – on the other hand, are we to live our entire lives in hock to this procreation business?
    SIGH. Sorry, May. Is there a chance you could go a bit later?

  • Melissia

    Also no words of wisdom, but I can see wanting to be very close to the RE in case you need supplies and lab work. There is no need to add the stress of having to organize all that last minute.
    As for the Camerons, as in any childbirth situation, my reaction is to be happy that they all made it out alive. What a terrible standard to have for what should be a happy occasion.

  • everydaystrange

    I feel like shouting “HI! I HAVE IVF TWINS HERE MYSELF!” only I’m a hypocrite and our “real life” has no idea.

    Maybe your temper would be appeased if you just plan for naming your child Edamame, or some such bizarre nomenclature as the Camerons have embraced? Would that help? No?

  • katie

    Bit late to this decision, but if you are due to have heparin, can you get a supply in advance, beyond that they won’t do much for you before you are 6 weeks here when they’ll start the repeated scanning. They don’t really go in for multiple blood tests here as testing something doesn’t make it grow, they say.

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