It’s a little messy round here.

Item – Are you guys sick of ‘item’ posts yet? Tough.

Item – Still using H’s computer while H watches the F1 Grand Prix preliminaries and eats dried banana chips next door. (Dried banana chips! What human on the planet willingly eats dried banana chips? Apart from H. And you, whoever you are, reading this. You’re all weird).

Item – We take the laptop to the Lap-Top Doctor this afternoon. Please Universe this’ll be quick and non-stressy. Not good at stress this week.

Item – British Elections – So, the Conservatives got in with such a tiny majority it’s still a minority, and we all get to run around unGoverned for a few more days while Clegg tried to work out whether sucking up to Cameron (hypocritical smooth bastard, had been sneering at Lib Dems for entire campaign), sucking up to Brown (wounded Grizzly), or maintaining firm and independent jut of jaw would be the least catastrophic for his party’s electibility next time round. I very much hope he tells Cameron to stuff it sideways up his own right nostril. But then, I’m left wing. Your mileage may vary.

Item – If that made no sense to you, then welcome to the British Electoral System. No, really, you’re welcome to it.

Item – However, any Americans attempting to be patronising about our quaint little ways will be sarcasmed limb from limb. I’ve had a face-full of this in Real Life and I am done with it. I will mention Florida. I will mention Newt Gingrich and his inability to understand the words ‘ United States of America Birth Certificate’. You have been warned.

Item – But let us leave the divisive and unpleasant topic of politics [what? you brought it up, May] and return to the wonders of my uterus and ovary.

Item – I ovulated on Monday. Day 20. I aten’t dead! She sayeth among the trumpets, ha ha!

Item – It has just occurred to me that my period is now due to start Sunday week. Hello, dear people who are coming to lunch next Sunday, I am so glad it’s you and I won’t have to think of a good explanation for why I am looping-the-loop on codeine or locked in the bathroom peering obsessively at little wee-stained sticks. In fact, thank God you lot are giving me something else to think about. Do you like aubergines?

Item – I note, with wry astonishment, that I now no longer think of pregnancy as an impossible, unobtainable, fantasy. It just means a slightly longer wait before I get to start in on the codeine.

Item – Christ, that last item was cynical and bleak, wasn’t it?

Item – I am not in the best head-space right now. The fact that I always, religiously, give up coffee in the 2 week wait is NOT HELPING.


10 responses to “It’s a little messy round here.

  • twangy

    Hah, yes, the radio said all the parties lost. How can that be? I thought. But yes, it be, oh, it be.

    Not sure if Clegg will have the gumption to tell Cameron to stuff it up any body cavity, though it would be nice. Time will tell, eh?

    If my wishing was any good, this month there’d be no need of codeine for May, for any reason.

  • Betty M

    Talking about politics is fine by me – I’m loving this (well other than the travesty of the West Oxford election where vile anonymous leaflets seem to have contributed to the excellent Evan Harris losing). I’m for the get stuffed approach too – the conservatives will never follow through on PR.

    Commiserations on the head-space issues – not likely to be helped by rolling coalition discussion news.

  • MFA Mama

    Oh, honey. A bracing mug of chamomile tea with honey and Southern American invasion of boundaries while I all but offer you a boobie with the inappropriate clucking and fussing over your comfort. Really, no, have a seat on my porch under this big floppy hat and let me rub your feet for you and shriek at my children to “Y’ALL QUIT IT, AUNT MAY HAS A HEADACHE AND YOUR STEPFATHER WILL BREAK THE BLOODY CONTRACT AND STRANGLE YE BUGGARS, BECAUSE MOMMY SAID SO AND HE IS MORE AFRAID OF MOMMY THAN OF THE LAW, THAT IS WHY”

  • QoB

    I’ve been following the UK elections, and this is the stat that convinced me that proportional representation kicks ass:

    “The difficulties with the first-past-the-post system were illustrated in an analysis which showed that the Conservatives won a seat for 35,021 votes; Labour won one for every 33,338; but the Liberals secured 119,397 votes for every seat they won.”

  • manapan

    I love Item posts. They feel like a glimpse into your head, and the psych major in me loves that.

    (((Hugs))) on the bleak mindset. I hope your dinner is spent peeing on sticks and then you have a ten-month plus break from the codeine.

  • a

    I suspect the mindset is slightly less bleak than in recent days. Because whose spirits cannot be lifted by universal support in the abhorrence of banana chips? Those things taste like paint chips soaked in oil.

    Congratulations on ovulating? Is that an appropriate sentiment? I hope that there is no need for codeine for a very long time.

    Not that I watch the news, but I suspect the elections there did not even break into the top 20 news items here. It’s a bit appalling that Lady Gaga’s issues with American Idol editing her performance trump international politics. Sigh. This is why I do not watch the news.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    I like aubergines.
    And have plenty of codeine I can offer if it comes to that!
    If you want to cheer yourself up re@ politics, have a butchers here at Morten & Peter’s efforts. Have just had me roaring.

  • Korechronicles

    Item: Not yet sick of.
    Item: Me no like said chippies
    Item: My desktop has gone to desktop hospital. Same prayer being offered up here.
    Item: Politics – from the Greek ‘poly’ meaning many and “tics” – blood-sucking parasites
    Item: Why on God’s Green Earth do you vote on a Thursday? Is that not a normal working day?
    Item: Am not American. Want to talk Oz Politics? Go at it. They all really, really suck. And voting just encourages them.
    Item: Righty-o…am now officially sick of. Am stopping now.

    Off to iron pleats in the rah-rah skirt. You know, just in case.

  • valeryvalentina

    Ah, not helping, I can do that…
    would it be even worse to just not bother with the coffee in the non 2ww? I mean, it just sounds so hard to go on and off at those irregular times. Nah, don’t listen to me, I never liked coffee anyway.
    I’m still mystified anyone can feel ovulation. Almost as mystified as it actually happening. sorry for loss of grammar. Little green monster took it. Now looking at ugly crimson monster that hurts you so much too much and only sends it little chocolate cousin to mock me.
    I’ll shut up now.

%d bloggers like this: