Stealth blogging

Item – I’m at the In-Laws. They keep wandering in and out of the dining-room (where I am camping, with my notebooks and knitting, because I am writing people! There is writing going on in here! Shhh! Don’t annoy the writer!,) to see what I am up to, under the guise of offering me more tea (I think my left kidney has turned into a sponge). So I am writing this very teeny and wee in TextEdit. Oopsie, MiL, can you read this without your glasses on?

Item – Thank you all who checked to see if I was still here. Hi! I am still here.

Item – My blogging mojo isn’t, though. Bastard thing.

Item – H has a foul and disgusting cold, and has had it all bloody week.

Item – I think I finally ovulated on Wednesday-possibly-Thursday, which normally would cheer me up a bit (Satsuma arises! Go Satsuma!) but see bit about foul and disgusting cold. I feel Wrathful, also Disappointed, but not sure with what or whom exactly, as I didn’t want H near me in that state either.

Item – Anyway, H and I went back to the Infertility Counselor on Tuesday, because we have got into a state of raging discontent with the miscarriage/infertility situation and, occasionally, with each other. At some point I shall insist that one of the things we discuss will be *cough*sex*cough*. If we can all stop coughing long enough to get the word out. I shall have to write a separate post about all this at some point. I have no idea if ‘I shall have to’ means ‘I will’. Stay tuned!

Item – Adding to the anxst – we got our karyotyping results. You will be delighted to hear H is a ‘normal male’ and I am a ‘normal female’. Also, my second clotting panel came back ‘normal’, and my thyroid results came back ‘normal’. OK. So why the fuck have I had so many miscarriages then? See? Anxst. I am so hard to please.

Item – In-Laws being mostly delightful, to be honest. But I could do without the long involved conversations about the wonderful family heirloom FiL is inheriting from his parents, and how he is leaving it to H, and how lovely it will be for it to stay in the family, and how important it is that it should stay in the family, and how they will write a history of the heirloom’s descent through the family for the future generations to keep and cherish, and again how amazing it will be for the family, in forty or fifty years’ time, to have this wonderful family heirloom that must stay in the family and never be sold or passed to others and so on and on and May is feeling a desperate urge to run out into the rain and tear her childless hair right out. And feel very angry with H for chirpily saying something about the joy of handing on the heirloom to his own grandchildren. Hah fucking HAH, H.

Item – When we were here last, just after Christmas, we had to go away again pretty sharpish and didn’t get to visit the grandparents-in-law etc. Remember? Because I started miscarrying? And of course absolutely everyone knew what was happening and why we went back home early and weren’t able to do social calls. Right? So far, I have been told what a shame it was we didn’t do a proper visit at Christmas, in varying tones of regret and meaningful stares depending on tact and good memory of person saying it, by FiL, MiL, BiL, Grandfather-in-Law, Uncle-in-Law and Grandmother-in-Law (this last about a dozen times in less than two hours). Would it be too much to ask that they all shut the fuck up about it, at least while I’m in the room? Please? Because, jayzus, but when it comes to regret about that ‘abortive’ (hahahahaha I fecking kill myself so I do) visit, I totally win the ‘who regrets it all most’ prize by about seventeen million points and, guys, it hurts when I think about it.

Item – I’m being asked about dinner. Please excuse me.


16 responses to “Stealth blogging

  • QoB

    “I’m so sorry I couldn’t have more tea, I was busy having a miscarriage.”

    Too much?

    hope you survive the visit ok.

  • manapan

    Oh, goodness gracious. Like they really needed to make it any harder on you. Both the family and the test results, that is. ((hugs))

  • MFA Mama

    Oh BLOODY HELL no they didn’t! I’m so sorry people are being…well I think the “charitable” interpretation would be “oblivious” but since I’m an uncharitable cow I will say “ASSHOLES” because DAMN! My ex-husband and I purchased a home during the Time of MRSA here, and not only did he have the guff to be IRRITATED when I called him at work and said I had it for the second time (bear in mind, having it the first time nearly killed me and resulted in four or five painful surgeries to remove a hunk of my “bikini area” the size of a NY-strip steak and months of having to use a walker, twitching involuntarily, horrid pain, etc. so I was Very Upset and Close To Giving Up when I got the call from my doctor about the culture result), he also asked that I “at least try to arrange childcare” before calling myself a taxi to go to the hospital. When they wheeled me out of surgery and back to my hospital room he and the lawyers and real estate agents etc. were all waiting on my signature. When we saw our realtor at a restaurant months later he APOLOGIZED TO THEM AGAIN for the inconvenience of having to come to the hospital and put on protective clothing to enter my room and I Wanted To Kill because really? Apologizing to other people for having to put on protective clothing to enter my room because I was THAT FUCKING SICK in FRONT of me??? The circumstances were FAR MORE inconvenient for me, but people overlook these things even when they mean well and don’t need to be divorced and well, it can certainly challenge a girl’s composure in a social setting, no? People don’t think before they speak and sometimes that’s very uncool. Thinking of you.

  • twangy

    Oh dear. Oh dear, with the in-laws complete obliviousness and utter lack of one single iota of tact between them.
    Sorry, May. *We* get it.

  • Ben Warsop

    I am a Bad Person. I really want to know the nature of the Heirloom. Nose, nose, nose.

  • Valery

    Glad you are somewhere. The way you write about ‘heirloom’ makes me not even want to look up what that could be, they can just keep it.
    I’m still tired of InLaw weekend 4 weeks ago but it seems to be Easter soon.
    Blah for raging discontent, was counsellor any help with that?

    ah, for mojo merriam webster suggested this gem: pullulate “to breed or produce freely “

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Oh sweet Christ. They are all busy sandpapering the wound, then? Rotters.

  • Solnushka

    I heard about a family who had passed down a hot cross bun for two hundred years. It’s not that is it? Cos if so I say eat it. In front of them.

    Big hugs and fortitude.

  • betty m

    Relatives are just precious aren’t they – of course you should have stayed for extra mince pies and heirloom small talk instead of heading home . Arrgh.
    Whilst normal is generally good I am horribly frustrated in your behalf that there are still no answers.

  • Melissia

    Is it small and petty of me that I wish that the heirloom is something dainty and white that you could have sat upon during the holidays and bled all over and ruined forever? Of course that is just me if I had been forced to make social calls during a miscarriage, I am sure that you have way to much class and breeding for that.
    You are a much better person than me, I would immediately want to talk about my plans tp repaint, decoupage or in some way ruin the value of said heirloom. But I am evil that way!

  • Heather

    Hope H feels better soon.

    I also hope the rest of your trip goes with well no more mentions of past visits.

    Pawn the heirloom.

  • a

    Well…it’s things like this that make you want to never visit anyone again!

    I hope your mojo comes back soon…in all respects.

  • Jem

    I’m sure they didn’t “mean anything” by that fuss over the heirloom. People are oblivious.

    A related story. I asked my step-father’s sister for a picture of him as a child. She had the gall to refuse, as she wanted to “keep it in the family.” Given that my step-father raised me and had no bio children of his own, that’s pure rubbish! And hurtful. I guess I’m not part of the family.

    People suck.

  • thalia

    Well I was going to make a comment like the first comment.

    “Yes, I was so sorry to have to leave, too, but of course with all the blood I thought I might leave too much of an impression, hahaha!”

    or “Yes, we missed you terribly, too, and spoke about you a great deal while we were at the hospital for the rest of the holiday”

    or “I know Christmas was such a disappointment to us, too. I do wish I’d managed to hang onto that pregnancy another week so we could have spent more time with you all.”

    Goshdarned relatives.

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