Je suis distrait

Item – Many apologies for being such a lamentably poor commentator at the moment. Is bad. I knows. And now you’ll all be telling me I have every reason to be underinvolved in the social niceties at the moment and it’s no biggie, and I will feel relieved for approximately seventeen seconds before the bad recrudesces, because pointless self-flagellation is one of my favourite pastimes.

Item – I had to ask my boss for the morning off work tomorrow (for my Seventh Beta of Hell). She said yes on the instant. Not only that, but I was late today, and instead of skinning me alive with her laser glare of disapproval, she told me on no account to stay on after hours to make up the time, and to make sure I got a proper tea-break before lunch. Um. Who are you and what have you done with my boss?

Item – The fact that Madame Persnicketty the Perfectionist Boss (disclaimer: I actually like the woman. And I too am persnicketty. Just ask H about the washing-saucepan-handles saga) is being so gentle with me is being noticed. I came back into the office with the afore-mentioned cup of tea to catch the tail-end of a ‘well, what’s up with May?’ remark from That Colleague Who Always Knows Everyone’s Business. So, that was awkward. (I pretended to be deaf).

Item – The subject of Chinese New Year floated up. ‘It’ll be the Year of the Tiger!’ someone announced, ‘It’s lucky to be born in the Year of the Tiger, so I know lots of couples who are planning on having kids before next Christmas!’ and the rest of the room chorused ‘awwww, bless!’. This minutes before I had to go and Deal With the Public for a couple of hours, so I pretended to be profoundly deaf and clenched my teeth very hard I will not I will not think of my due dates I will not.

Item – My due dates would have been 3rd of July, 2010, and 14th of September, 2010.

Item – I don’t really want to have another blood test. Not that I mind the trekking about, or being stuck with needles (wait, OK, maybe I do mind that a teeny weeny bit. But only a teeny weeny bit). It’s the wait between leaving the clinic and someone getting around to phoning me back. I will be at work during that wait. I will be half-insane with anxiety. If on Thursday the newspapers are full of a story about a librarian who rammed a date-stamp down someone’s throat and validated their bottom, well, oops, you’ll all know my real name.

Item – Speaking of half-insane with anxiety, I am not sleeping at the moment.

Item – Speaking of not sleeping at the moment, I wish H would either snore, so I could banish him to the spare room, or not snore, so I wouldn’t have to. Making sudden, entirely random thunderous snorting noises every two hours or so is not playing fair in the least.

Item – H played more Chase-The-Consultant-By-Telephone today, and entirely failed to talk to any human beings at all. He couldn’t even leave a message, because certain secretarial persons were clearly sneaking away from their desks without switching the answer-phone on. The Power of the Testosterone Voice only works if someone gets to hear it. Grrrr.

Item – I don’t want to go to bed because lying awake in the dark waiting for H to go *SNNORRRK* is very boring and dreary.


10 responses to “Je suis distrait

  • arminta

    I really don’t know how you are strong enough to deal with work right now. My hats off to you.

    I love that you’re only claiming half-insane, when we all know the truth 🙂


  • a

    Ha! Take that, power of testosterone! Even you cannot overcome Break Time!

    It’s nice that your boss is being nice, but I hope she returns to normal soon. It’s just weird when people are unusually nice to you. Soak it up…

    At least work appears to be distracting. I don’t know how you manage to not stamp bottoms via throats several times a week – although I guess most people remain in awe of the library. You probably have fewer annoying customers than most places.

  • Valery

    I love learning new words, especially this one:
    Main Entry: per·snick·e·ty
    Pronunciation: \pər-ˈsni-kə-tē\
    Function: adjective
    Etymology: alteration of pernickety
    Date: 1915
    1 a : fussy about small details : fastidious b : having the characteristics of a snob
    2 : requiring great precision

    The site from merriam-webster even lets me play the audio file for pronunciation (again and again).
    Sorry to hear about the not sleeping. Hope the demons of the night go pester some voicemail into action.

  • Noelle

    I think it is perfectly great that you are not up on your comments. I went through a time a few weeks ago where I was not able to comment, and people were so kind about it. You just take your time. You give so much, and now is your time to take.

    You are very strong for continuing to work and just push through this hard time.

    I understand the dreaded wait for the betas. I hated it. Mine went down so slowly. It was as if my body didn’t want to let go.

    I am hoping that it will be a good number, so that you can start feeling good again.

  • QoB

    I recommend earplugs. Then again, I recommend earplugs to almost everyone at any time, as their mere presence exerts a kind of placebo effect on me. This week I was able to sleep well despite
    (a) sharing a single bed with the boyfriend
    (b) who is 6’2″ and not a beanpole
    (c) and also snores
    (d) in his city-centre apartment where there is all-night traffic
    and (e) the earplugs remaining on the bedside table all night, and not actually in my ears.

    so make of that what you will.

    Alternatively, perhaps you could migrate to the spare bed? no guilt for kicking H out, and no risk of The Snort (TM).

    wishing for beta results that mean you can stop getting betas tested for now.

  • Jem

    May, Oh, May,

    I think we are twins, separated at birth! Except you’re the funny one!

    (I was born in London and moved to the U.S. at age 2, so maybe we ARE twins a la Parent.Trap!)

    My boss has been very understanding about all my Dr. appointments. Luckily, he’s a guy and I don’t feel obligated to tell him ANYTHING about what’s going on.

    I had Beta #8 today. Still waiting for the results (my clinic gets back to me the same day, tho.) Ectopic PG is a blast!

    DH snorts, too. Or lets his cell phone drain until it starts beeping in the middle of the night.

    Your IF sister, Jem

  • Sam

    ha ha – I thought that people either snored or they didn’t and not this snnoooork every two hours – being deaf I don’t hear a thing at night which is probably quite a blessing when I visit my parents!!

  • Betty M

    I have an occasional snorker too – I just kick. Momentarily satisfying even though ultimately pointless.

  • womb for improvement

    Och don’t worry about comments. Or maybe you should invent your own like a ‘*’ just to say, I’ve been, seen and can’t think of anything witty, insightful or appropriate. Or not.

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