I cannot concentrate. Have some randomness.

Item – Look at all my lovely delurkers! Aren’t they amazing and wonderful? Aren’t they the greatest? And, to my delight, such a varied bunch of people, posting fascinating snippets of their own stories (not all of which were tales of TTC woebollockydreariness. I have cross-community appeal, people! Humbled and awed, humbled and awed. Oh yes). Also, the praise? Am pink. Nay, fuchsia. And all giggly and half-in-tears. And I want to throw a party and buy you all Harvey Wallbangers (what? I just like the name. You can have Margaritas if you prefer (or Mojitos. Mojitos are good)).

Item – Meanwhile, in the seemingly endless saga of Zombryo! The Indeterminate Embryo! absolutely nothing is happening. Except the semi-constant mild nausea and near-bludgeoning unconscious of H when he failed to take absolutely seriously my bellow of ‘shut up about the mayonnaise already!’ yesterday lunch-time.

Item – Mayonnaise, at the moment, seems like the most revolting substance on God’s bright earth. And to think a few short weeks ago I would have happily eaten underlay as long as someone spread enough mayonnaise on it.

Item – I am well aware the nausea thing looks like a chirpily positive sign of excellent hormonal progress within. It could just as easily be a hysterical sign of how I keep talking myself first into and then out of feeling sick by winding myself up to fever-pitch over presence/absence of viable embryo in uterus/fallopian tube. I. Have. No. Fingernails. At. All.

Item – I defied the Universe yesterday and went to see Cat on a Hot Tin Roof with my good friend E (we’ve had the tickets for months. I do not allow my recalcitrant spawn to keep me from my first love, theatre). Oh, it was brilliant. Brilliant! So glad I went. James Earl Jones! Adrian Lester! Squeeee! And, OMFG, did you know it had an infertility sub-plot? And isn’t Mae of the five no-neck monsters (sixth on the way) the mostest prize bitch? E gave me the odd nervous sideways look, but seriously, I was laughing my fool head off. Good times, good times.

Item – I have decided that with the honourable exception of E, who doesn’t even know this blog exists but looked after me like a Lalique figurine yesterday, I met all my best friends on the internet. Exemplum: I declare to various friends I may be having a third (fourth if we’re counting the possible-chemical in September) miscarriage. Internet friends send a myriad texts (hi, HFF!) and emails, and phone me (hi, Sol!) and send me flowers (hi, Ben and Z! They’re beautiful!) and virtual hugs and check up on me constantly and, you know, show they care. Real-life friends? One ‘oh dear’ message in an email concerned, among other things, with how they will probably turn down our invitation to visit and go to the opera in April because they, and I am serious, want to finish putting together their new built-in wardrobes. They know this in January. Why not just add ‘and we’ll be washing our hair,’ and have done with it?

Item – I did make a New Year’s Resolution to be more open and honest about the woebollockydreariness. I have ‘shared’ more in more situations. I must remember that this has been mostly a good positive thing, and that most people have reacted with courtesy and kindness. I will remember this. I must remember this.


16 responses to “I cannot concentrate. Have some randomness.

  • Twangy

    The way you write is just so endearing, direct and engaging – how could we not love you? You are lovely!
    It’s your fault. (hee!)

    Still thinking over 1000-ish thoughts. Good luck! We’ll be here no matter what.

    btw, news on nausea good, isn’t it? – eh – well, sorry! but you know what I mean.

  • womb for improvement

    I note with interest (and not a little surprise) that two of your de-lurkers are a couple of my best mates. So I can positively endorse them as thoroughrly worthy of a Harvey Wallbanger.

    Best of luck with the blood test tomorrow – we’ll all be rooting for you.

  • Ben Warsop

    Margaritas for me please. 😛 Ben *likes* Margaritas.

    • Hairy Farmer Family

      My SIL came over a couple of Christmases ago to show us how to mix Margaritas. She mixed them so enthusiastically that no-one except her got a taste! So, I was left with 14 empty bottles of tequila, and not a single slug of Margarita.

      At some point, we must remedy this. I feel you need to show me the Margarita Way Of Things!

  • lizee

    hello dear may,

    fingers crossed for monday. sending loads of positive energy from an old lady ….omg, i can’t type those words, even if they are true.

    good luck and more to you


  • Blanche

    Mayonnaise is currently one of the most revolting substances in my world also. Of course, there’s not much that isn’t, so that’s not saying much.

    As for toddling out to see James Earl Jones live on stage? Color me six kinds of jealous.

  • Rachel

    I have never been a huge fan of mayo but definitely jealous of seeing Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

  • Valery

    late on Sunday, means almost Monday, next episode of the black box saga. Hope you can sleep without the fingernails. (you even get me started, I’d stopped 20 years ago!)
    will start browsing for Lalique figurines shortly.
    Sometimes it seems concentrating is overrated.

  • lynne

    Delurking! I found your blog through HFF (and I have no memory of how I found hers). I am an expat living in the US and miss the british sense of humour desperately – and therefore lurk at several blogs, including yours. I am an independent (some would say bolshie) midwife, so your struggles with fertility are in now way too much information.

    Wishing you all the best with your beta tomorrow…..


  • a

    Hurray for distractions and randomness!

    I had mayonnaise moments last week. First, there wasn’t enough and then, there was too much. Guess I’m eating out too much.

    Hope that there is definitive news…

  • mrs spock

    The thought of eating mayo when I was pregnant was enough to cause a strong enough retch to force my very toes through my throat.

    Hope the little emby keeps up his or her puketastic vibrations…

  • Betty M

    Hoping for good things for today. x

  • Korechronicles

    Also sending hugs across the continents and oceans all the way to your place and you and H. Once I’ve downed that margarita we can chat about Cat on a Hot Tin Roof which I saw at MTC last year and utterly loved before discussing the benefits of pre-booking your wardrobe constructing three months in advance. There is very little in my life that would have precedence over a trip to the opera with friends.

    Arrange to take someone else quick smart and should the wardrobe dementors change their minds tell them you are washing your hair.

    Hoping all goes well today.

  • Solnushka

    I can definitely promise that B and I will never know in January if we are building our built in cupboards togetther in April. Never.

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