Schrödinger’s Uterus

[It’s Delurking Week! You can still delurk! Oh, go on, you know you want to.]

At the beginning of the week, I announced we had six pee-sticks left in the house. Any takers on how many we have left?

Anyone?

Six. Yes. I have not peed on a single stick.

Every time I have felt tempted to go forth and anoint the enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay, I have panicked. ‘May,’ I say to myself, firmly, ‘Seriously. What would you do if it was negative?’

And the answer is, invariably, tear all my hair out. And lie, snatched bald and sobbing hysterically, on the bathroom floor for at least 37 hours. And then go for my repeat beta on Monday anyway, and cry in the hospital waiting-room before, during and after. And the whole thing will ruin my stomach lining forever. Not to mention H’s stomach lining.

My hair’s quite pretty, you know. I can’t possibly risk it.

Meanwhile, for those of you playing symptom Black Box* (why, yes, I am a raging geek, thank you for noticing), we have the following ‘rays’ :

  • Nausea. Faint, sporadic nausea, which tends to be worse when hungry or thinking about mayonnaise or sardines. Could just as easily be put down to hunger-pangs or nerves.
  • Heart-burn. Yes, but I’m a bit of a martyr to heart-burn when stressed.
  • Burping. Getting ridiculously frequent. Horrible when coinciding with nausea, as it feels like stomach contents are making a dash for freedom only just thwarted by length of oesophagus.
  • No bleeding. No fresh blood at all since the last beta. I can’t, therefore, logically argue it’s all over, as, you know, rising beta as bleeding stopped. But this line of thought makes me fretful, so I shall abandon it right here.
  • No cramping. Monday and Tuesday I was afflicted with dull ‘ha-ha I am your period-in-waiting’ twinges, but they’ve been coming less and less frequently, and really aren’t very painful when I do get them. More a ‘hello! This is where your uterus is!’ signal.
  • My breasts are declining to get involved at this stage. They look and feel much the same as ever. Once in a while, one or other will say ‘ouch!’ and then disclaim all knowledge and insist I imagined it and could I please stop jabbing and fondling them like that?
  • Headaches. Lots and lots of headaches. Probably due to sudden and complete cessation of coffee-drinking. Argh.

On Monday, we shall collapse Zombryo’s wave function by taking yet another beta (I think the veins in my right hand and arm have healed quite well). If said beta is over 1000, we shall know Zombryo lives, and will need an urgent name change to something rather less sardonic. If it is under 1000, but over 64, we shall freak and tear our hair. And if it has gone down, we shall, well. We shall just have to get over it and start all over again. So, so much easier typed than done. Ach. I’d rather not think about that at the moment. Wimpy, but there it is.

I don’t know if they’ll bother with a scan in the third scenario.

The only way out is through. So. Onwards.

* What do you mean, you’ve never heard of Black Box? I spent at least nine hundred afternoons playing this as a kid. Nearly as good as Mastermind for starting all-in family rows.

(Anyone here need to look up the reference to Schrödinger? Or, for that matter, black boxes?)

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20 responses to “Schrödinger’s Uterus

  • meinsideout

    pulling for you for Monday

  • Jo

    Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    Hugs,
    Jo

  • Rachel

    Wowie, I am impressed that all 6 pee-sticks survived the week.

  • Mary

    Clever you, nope never played that game it looks very technical but I suppose fun once you get used to it!! I am more of a Scrabble chick myself. Good thoughts for Monday!

  • Blanche

    Sending plentiful gestating waves your way.

  • Ben Warsop

    Well, I vote for “Schroedinger” as a moniker. Though I rather like “Zombryo”. It has a certain…. ummm.

    I mean, it could be the name of a band.

    Or something.

    *hugs* for you both.

    B

  • meganlisbeth

    i’m very impressed that you still have all of those sticks. very impressed indeed.
    i’m going to plan on being just as impressed on Monday. i’ll be the annoying pollyanna cheerleader for you, okay?

  • a

    Seriously, I worked very very very hard to block all memories of Physical Chemistry from my mind. Including (and especially) Schrodinger’s fucking box (and his cat – but they called it the particle in a box and I never understood it. But I passed. Barely. The worst part? I took the last part (the part with that stupid particle in that stupid box) as an elective after I changed my major to Biochemistry. I’m an idiot.) Thank you for resurrecting that particularly bad year to my memory. I will admit, though, that it is uncannily applicable to your situation. So I will contemplate forgiving you while ingesting vodka to try and block it all out again.

    Glad you haven’t wasted your time on the pee-sticks. Praying for good news for you on Monday.

  • Melissia

    Is this very sad, or just that we are also geeks at my house that all references were understood? If things work out, and I hope very much that they do, my vote is for Spot, in honor of Data’s cat, sort of a homage to your love to all things Star Trek.
    Of course people may think that you are odd and confuse the name with reference to”spotting”, but so what.
    .

  • Womb For Improvement

    I love weekends, and yet now you have me hoping this one would hurry up and be done with so you can have your blood test and, dare I say, answers.

  • Valery

    Yes, superimposed wave functions, diverging over time…. Deep sigh of longing for times and innocence long gone. PUPO or exploding-tube-watch, and after a few days the thought that maybe maybe this is a miracle rather than waiting for disaster gets more believable. Enjoy the weekend while it lasts.

  • QoB

    I had to chime in on your Pratchett reference on Twitter.
    Perhaps the Zombryo could be renamed after one of his characters, though I don’t think “Weatherwax” would work…

    All digits crossed.

  • Korechronicles

    Thinking of you as the weekend drags by and planning to drag the rara skirt out of retirement for some cheerleading entertainment on the sidelines. If it fits. Stuff in my wardrobe has had a nasty habit of shrinking between wears this last twelve months.

  • bkwyrm

    We called our first embryo “Dingy,” which was short for “Schrodinger.” It did not, in fact, result in a baby, so take that under advisement. I don’t blame the name.
    I hope that Monday brings good news, and a switch to a name such as “very determined embryo that intends to be a baby.”

  • Betty M

    Schrodinger i knew but this black box thing – never. Probably a good thing as we ame to blows over all board games and this would have been yet another. Glad to see you hanging in there.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    I’m with Ben, Schrodinger is an awfully good term!

    My dear, I think I shall possibly be internet-less by the time you are jabbed. I am consequently begging very hard for an early text notification, as it is quite Impossible for me Not To Know.

    The same ignoble inability to restrain my nosy self would have pushed the peestick manufacturers’ share prices up by now: I loudly applaud your sense and retained stomach lining.

    I shall not even talk about hope, and my feeling it for you, because I do not have the words at all. I shall be thinking – almost exclusively – of you.

  • manapan

    You have amazing restraint. All the stores in this dinky little town would have seen a run on tests if I were in your unfortunate situation.

    Come on, Zombryo! The internets will send you tasty, tasty (baby-safe teething toy) brains if you measure over 1000. 🙂

  • everydaystrange

    Sorry, late with the de-lurking.

    And hopeful for Monday.

    If good things abound, perhaps we can migrate to Zorba, instead of Zombryo.

  • Twangy

    Exactly, May. Not knowing is such a head-wreck. It’s so hard to hold the ideas of hope and disappointment in your head at the same time, and yet, to discover the truth is such a trial on the nerves.

    Concentrating on good rising beta-ish vibes for tomorrow, and envisioning you with not a hair on your head harmed.

    Onward, upward, through!

  • The Hairy Farmer Family

    […] morning, she and H will collapse Zombryo’s wave function and see if and where there is life, death, or further zombryonicity in Schrodinger’s […]

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