Zombie Embryo

H and I spent four hours in A&E at the Mothership hospital today. Three of those ornamented with a drip needle, dangling ports and tubes like a Borg implant, ‘just in case’. The nurse took one look at the puffy bruised mess on the back of my right hand from Wednesday’s drip and… tutted. And went for the crook of the left elbow instead. I peed in a pot (and a nasty bloody mess I made of it too). The triage nurse took several vials of blood and sent them off to the path lab. The results should have taken about an hour to come through. My over-elaborate drip and I sat in the A&E waiting room for said hour or so, and then, as soon as H had gone off to re-park the car (natch), I was called through to a cubicle. Hah. It was the same cubicle they put me in in October. Hah.

A very nice doctor came to talk to me, and explained that whatever they did next really depended on the beta level, but in all probability they’d send me home for the night and get me to attend the Early Pregnancy Unit the next day. He’d see if he could find my blood test results and book me an EPU appointment. He also thought it was highly unlikely to be left over from the October miscarriage, as my beta had reached <5 that time and I had had a seemingly normal cycle since, without any intervening random bleeding.

H found me again and we sat about, listening to the high comedy/drama in the next cubicle, characters being one exceedingly deaf nonagerian and a very quietly-spoken doctor ('Can you do a wee for me?' 'What?' 'Can you pass water for me? Urine?' 'What?' 'Can you pass water for me?' 'Can I what?' 'CAN YOU DO A WEE?' 'Of course I can, it's not me waterworks, I've got a cough!' 'What I meant was…'). Unfortunately we also got to hear the poor old thing screaming when the doctor tried to take some blood samples from her fragile, fragile veins. *Shudder*.

hours later, my nice doctor stopped yelling at people down the telephone, came over to us, and said, ‘look, I’ve spoken to the lab, and they’ve said it’ll take another half-hour [expressive eyebrow indicating scepticism]. In any case, we’d send you home and have you come in to the EPU tomorrow – I’ve made you a 10 am appointment with them – so, if you like, you can go home now and I’ll call you when the results come back.’

And we said, ‘yes please and thank you very much.’

And a nurse removed the monster Borg drip, and H and I went out into the ice-cold, beautifully clear sunset and drove away.

True to his word, the nice doctor phoned about 15 minutes after we got home. HCG beta level?


Not dead. Not alive.

I managed not to punch the living-room wall.

I am now lying in bed drinking tea and eating crisps (I haven’t eaten anything since this morning) and H is doing yoga with his brand-new Christmas Wii Fit. To soothe his exceedingly frazzled nerves. He’s a very endearing man, bless him.

OK, as a first post of 2010 this sucks arse.

29 responses to “Zombie Embryo

  • Katie

    Oh my, thinking of you here, definitely sucks everything in sight.

    I have some rather alcoholic eggnog here I could virtually send you?

  • Melissia

    Oh May, I am so sorry. I would at least have hoped that Sir Stewart could have popped in while you were in your Borg finery to say hello. That would have been a treat. I have sure it was for his contribution to TNG, and not for his other roles.
    I am glad that no one thinks that this is left over from your previous pregnancy, that is a relief, it did not seem likely the more I though about it. But I have seen it brought up before and did not want you to be broadsided if someone thought this might not be a new pregnancy.
    I will be thinking of you as you are watching Dr Who tonight.
    Take Care.

    • May

      It was a welcome heads-up, and I impressed the nice doctor with my Brave And Knowledgeable Veteran act, so thank you.

      Dr Who managed astonishing stunt of making me cry and being a bit disappointing at the same time. Bernard Cribbins rocks, however.

  • Heather

    Thinking of you guys! The New Year was NOT supposed to start this way. I’m sorry.

  • Twangy

    Hugs & massive sympathy for this hell-like start to 2010. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Only you could make me smile at a time like this with a title like that.

    That beta is reason to hope that at least the zombie embryo found the right place on the map to… not exist. Which pisses all over the word hope, really.

    Christ, May.

    • May

      Yep, I am now officially the place where hope comes to die. Argh.

      Glad I made you smile. We are now entirely powered on gallows humour and black chocolate.

  • MFA Mama

    Not really sure what to say about THAT…but…zombie embryo? Oh dear.

    • May

      ‘Oh dear’ is indeed it. (Obviously, I’m quite a fan of ghost stories and such. All we need now is some manic organ music and a wolf howling in the distance… No, wait. That’s vampires).

  • a

    Maybe the embryo is not quite a zombie, but just hung-over from some New Year’s Eve festivities? I mean, I know you weren’t exactly out swilling champagne, but as it’s still mysterious as to how the embryo got there, I would not be surprised if it was out partying. Maybe that’s what’s caused the bleeding and indifferent beta?

    Good luck, May. if 2010 is going to be difficult, I hope all the difficulty is over by the end of the first week, and all is sunshine and roses after that.

  • meganlisbeth

    oh miss may.
    my middle finger is turned sharply up at the universe on your behalf.
    what a nightmare.
    i’m so sorry.

    • May

      I love knowing my friends are cussing out the Universe on my behalf. It’s a surprisingly warm and cuddly feeling. Thank you.

  • Toni

    I had an ectopic pregnancy and had my left tube removed. I got pregnant 2 months later, only 5 days after my period had finished. I knew this was the case because my ex husband had a hernia operation 6 days after my period finished and there was NO way we had any *cough* intimate *cough* moments after that date. I went to the doctor who sent me for a scan and my lovely scanner asked me when my last period was and when I told him he then asked me, in front of my ex, if I was having sex with anyone else because it is near impossible to get pregnant 5 days after a period. Needless to say, I wasn’t impressed. The female body is a strange, strange thing… hope all goes well for you 🙂

  • Lesley

    I’m sorry to hear about the zombie. I had something similar a couple of years ago; I called it the Devil’s Spawn.

  • g

    Ack. Also, arse.

    Sounds horrid, but hoping it’s an ultimately non-viable intrauterine pregnancy that’s goving you welly, because I don’t want to think too hard about the whole one-tube-ectopic possibility.


  • Secret D

    Oh my god! I don’t think I have read anything so confusing or frustrating! Really hoping you get a result from this state of limbo that your body seems to want to put you in. Thinking about you.

  • Teuchter

    * rolls up sleeve, clenches fist, raises arm towards the sky and shakes said fist in the general direction of the heavens whilst uttering some Very Bad Words

    That’s them told.


  • Betty M

    Hope the EPU today are a) useful b) sympathetic c) able to say what the hell is going on. Joining the anti-universe chorus on your behalf.

  • womb for improvement

    I’ve been away for a few days and can barely believe what I am reading. You’ve had such a rough ride recently, I’m so sorry.

  • Valery

    not dead, not alive, not fair. Hope this morning was OK, and gives you a ‘plan’ (Attack of the Zombie? sounds like a bad movie. ) Hoping this turns out better!

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