Interim (very random)

After a night of evil bastard cramps and soreness, thrashing about on the In-Laws’ remarkably uncomfortable sofa-bed, keeping H awake (guilt, guilt (but at least that meant he was available for heating-pad re-heating duty at 4 am, and that helped a lot)), we decided to decamp. We were supposed to be going to my mother’s for New Year’s Eve. Given yesterday’s events, however, we thought, on the whole, no. H had hired a car for the week, so it was simple matter to pile all our stuff back into it and go home ad libitum.

Hello, I’m at home.

I have a letter from the Deepest Countryside A&E to hand to whatever A&E we would be nearest to on New Year’s Day, begging them to do the repeat beta. (New Year’s Day, it’s A&E or nothing, because all gynaecology clinics, path labs, and GPs are shut. Very glad the Deepest Countryside A&E doctor thought of that). Being at home, we can go to the Mothership Hospital, who have all my notes anyway, and who have a decent Emergency Gynaecology unit. That is tomorrow’s plan.

Meanwhile, chez Cute Ute, after last night’s argh argh argh argh, I produced a few blood clots and then cheered up a bit. I’m still bleeding, but it’s not been as heavy as ‘usual’ (H thinks this may well be because it’s only two weeks since I last emptied out). However, it’s all making one extremely unhopeful of any last-minute reprises or nice surprises. Especially the clots. I’m afraid I lacked the moral courage/nerves of steel/balls of titanium to fish them back out of the lavatory bowl and examine them, so we have no hard evidence of anything at all, but still, I gather that bleeding clots is not normally compatible with viable embryos.

I still have the positive pee-stick in my hand-bag. It makes me furiously angry just to look at it, which is why it’s still in there. Can’t take it out without having an aneurysm.

Anyway, given that today has been dedicated to sitting about on our arses waiting for something dreadful to happen, I have been number-crunching. Here are the possibilities I’ve come up with so far:

  • I ovulated on the 1st of December, got pregnant, did not realise it because a) my temperature dropped on dpo 13 and b) I started bleeding heavily on dpo 14, and I assumed (how irrational of me) that it was my period. Didn’t bother with a pregnancy test, because, seriously, I’d just started my period. On time. However, I was pregnant, it survived the onrushing crimson tide, I am now 6 weeks gone (by that absurd calculation that tacks two weeks on prior to ovulation on the assumption that everyone ovulates on day 14), but the poor bloody thing was not viable (see, beta of only 33) and Cute Ute has only just got around to noticing it’s still there and is busy finishing her tidying and scrubbing.
  • I ovulated on the 1st of December etc. etc., but managed it twice or the egg divided, there were twins, one was a chemical that fell out as and when my period started, and the other clung on for another couple of weeks but wasn’t viable either etc. etc.
  • I ovulated on the 1st of December etc. etc., it was ectopic, and survived the crimson tide by being wedged in my fallopian tube, and is now making its deeply unwelcome presence felt.
  • Both the latter, only the clinging-on one was the one wedged in the fallopian tube.
  • The ‘period’ I thought I was having on the 15th of December was a real proper period. Then, for some bizarre reason, I ovulated on, say, day 8 of the cycle (I had some [TMI warning] watery cervical fluid and ovarian twinging that day), or at any time after day 6. H and I had had *cough* an intimate moment *cough* on day 6, so it has to be then or thereafter. I instantly fell pregnant, pregnant enough to get two positive pee-tests (mine, the hospitals) and a positive beta by day 16 of the cycle, or only 7 or 8 days later. The cramps and bleeding are, given this scenario, bloody weird indeed. Implantation bleeding? A very early ectopic which hurt and bled because fallopian tubes object to ravening little blastocysts digging in? My uterus is now violently allergic to embryos? Midwich Cuckoos?

Anything I’ve missed? Because, to me, all the above scenarios look equally fucked-in-the-head ridiculous. But still, yesterday I was pregnant. And the only person more surprised than me was H. Poor H.

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11 responses to “Interim (very random)

  • a

    Hmm…much as I like the Midwich Cuckoos idea, and it is Christmas and all…

    Did they do an ultrasound? Or are they waiting for the 2nd beta? That last option is possible – my positive test was on ~10 dpo and it wasn’t one of those is it there?/is it not there? responses. It was a quick yes.

    Well, Happy New Year anyway. Inauspicious start and all…

  • Valery

    Poor you, and poor H indeed. Thanks for trying out the different number crunching scenarios, I was thinking of the first one and came to the conclusion that it somehow made not so much sense. I’m mostly hoping you don’t hurt too much, scrap that, don’t hurt and don’t loose insane amounts of blood and can spend NYE somewhere cosy and comfortable. (like no Emergency anything needed)
    Wishing 2010 wil be better (it should be easy to be better than 2009 or 2008 one would think?)

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Or you are a closet didelphic who has been concealing the 2nd uterus & cervix from the lap & the ultrasounds & all the speculums… ummm… quite well, aktully. And… clots at that stage… are just clots. I’ve checked in the past. Nothing to see there. Relax.

    A scan yesterday would have been awfully useful in eliminating the first collection of options, as a 6 week uterine pregnancy sac would have been visible – perhaps they might do one tomorrow? Although… skeleton staff on New Year’s Day… umm. Mebbe not, unless your beta is simply soaring.

    This… is hard, May. God bless HMS Flippancy and all us little Englanders who sail in her under stress – but this is another terrible, dreadful thing to be happening to you both, and my telling you that I’m sorry for your pain simply doesn’t do your anguish enough justice. And I’m sorry for that, too. I’ve sat looking into this particular pit; it’s difficult stuff to grieve, not least because you’re still reeling from the body blows of the previous losses.

    I got to the point where I couldn’t actually keep mental track anymore of how old the first baby I’d lost would be, or when my due date for the second baby would have been, because I was too busy losing the third. I began to feel that my pregnancy history read like a bloody Armistice day rollcall, in fact. Which pissed me off fairly profoundly, so I do sympathise with having to leave the peestick in the handbag.

    Sigh. The first phase to May: Project Motherhood isn’t going to plan At All. (much as I do love Wyndam, his endings are much too depressing to read when you’re already down, beaten, bleeding and life is taking yet another mighty dump on your quivering form. I prescribe Wodehouse.)

    Great big ugly hairy cunty Bollocks to it all, May. That’s all I can think of to say. Great big ugly hairy bollocking shit.

  • Melissia

    May, there is another rare but likely option. On occasion a tiny piece on placental tissue will remain behind after a D& C and will continue to grow after a miscarriage. Until it is found you may get a very slowly rising beta when in fact there is no viable pregnancy. This would explain the really extra painful period and the continued bleeding.
    Perhaps another reader has had this experience as well or has read about this.

  • Melissia

    I just wanted to clarify that I don’t think that this is what has happened in your case, I guess that you could have a piece of tissue that is misplaced and is causing all sorts of issues, I had a friend once who ended up having three D& Cs before she finally got rid of all of her placenta post miscarriage, and a big clue was intermittent bleeding and fluctuating betas. ( She is a lesbian and was not having sex so the beta bouncing as she called it was of great concern.)
    I just wanted you to be aware if when you go to the doctor they start discussing that this scenario, and to have your betas checked for a while after they go down to zero just for piece of mind if this worries you.
    Hope that you are resting as well as you are able and that tomorrow brings you better news.

  • twangy

    Glad you’re at home now. Being anywhere else at a time like this – no. Awful enough already, thanks.
    So sorry for all this, May.

    As for the scenarios – I don’t know. Melissia’s hypothesis seems possible..? Maybe this is related to the previous time?

    I wish you both an completely different, wonderful 2010. And peace, healing and happy, funny times.

  • QoB

    I am on tenterhooks for your beta today. Really hoping it shows something either incredibly positive or something straightforwardly negative, without further messing, or waiting around, or anything.

  • Katie

    Oh my. I am also wondering about the remaining tissue possibility. I really hope things are OK for you…

    Here’s hoping A&E is really quiet this afternoon, everyone who had a drunken fight should have either gone home or popped their clogs do you think?

  • Ben Warsop

    What they all said.

    I don’t know if Mr Ben sent you a text, but we’ve been thinking and worrying about you and H a lot these last few days.

    *very very gentle hugs for both of you*

  • Jane

    I’m only just catching up with your last couple of posts now. I’m hoping and praying that you have not got an ectopic. My only symptoms were lower abdominal pain, and watery type bleeding. Thinking of you today.

  • Martin

    I’m really at a loss here.

    Just sending you our best from here.

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