Notes to/on self

Item – Funnily enough, if I sit on my arse for four weeks, indulging in the ice-cream-coma version of comfort-eating, I will put on four pounds. I should have tried harder not to look surprised when I found this out, it’s undignified.

Item – I haven’t ovulated yet. This is annoying me. It’s four weeks since the negative (really negative) Beta. I wonder if Satsuma has gone all lazy-arse PCOS on me again and could really be doing better, or if she’s behaving perfectly normally after all that hormonal upheaval.

Item – About two weeks ago Satsuma went mad and hurt in a manner ferocious for several days. The pinched-nerve, bloated pain ran into the small of my back and down my right leg. I hated it, and I hoped it was ovulation, and I sort-of ignored it because I was ignoring all my reproductive internal organs at that point on principle, traitorous little bastards that they are, and they weren’t even doing my *ahem* fertility signs *ahem* right. My basal body temperature was all over the place. I just felt weird. And then, quite suddenly, it stopped. Since then my basal body temperature has dropped and evened out and *ahem* fertility signs *ahem* are appearing in a consistent fashion. Now, wise and knowledgeable Readers, was this a luteal cyst popping? Because, back when things were starting to go wrong, Satsuma was the proud bearer of a ‘cystic mass’ which at least one medical professional opined might be a luteal cyst. They do interfere with one’s cycles, don’t they? And they do sometimes pop, rather painfully? So if it was one of those, I suppose ovulation would be delayed (or, more delayed than usual, Delay being the Chosen Way chez May).

Item – In any case, I am now completely paranoid that Satsuma has conked out on me and I will never ovulate again and that was my lot and a fucking lot of good my lot did me. Someone please take me by the shoulders and slap me until I stop laughing hysterically.

Item – By the way, why is my skin so dry? I am a one-woman Itchy-and-Scratchy show.

Item – I must stop biting my nails. I’ve made them bleed on numerous occasions these past few weeks. I’m not sure why I react to anxiety by eating everything in sight including my self, but I do, and it is both painful and fattening, and I should really cut it out.

Item – I am angry and unreasonable and pissy with, about and at absolutely everyone in the Universe. I manage to hold it together at work and then storm home muttering and swearing under my breath like Foul Ole Ron. Buggrit. Buggrem. Millennium hand and buggring shrimp.


9 responses to “Notes to/on self

  • Solnushka

    *Takes May by the shoulders and slaps her until she stops laughing hysterically*

    You will ovulate again. Satsuma is just toying with you, the cow. Although you’ve both been through a lot so a delay would not be surprising even for the best behaved ovary.

    Hugs and virtual ice cream.

  • a

    How about a gentle pat? Satsuma will rise again!

  • QoB

    Maybe you could indulge in the new Terry Pratchett book as an alternative to icecream?

    (I prefer the Duck Man, myself)

    hope Satsuma gets back on track soon.

    • May

      I am waiting to see if the family/friend nexus will give H or me the new Terry Pratchett for Christmas (they didn’d for H’s birthday – boo!). If I crack and get it for myself, they WILL give us at least three copies between them. Murphy’s Law of Books You Really Want To Read.

  • twangy

    Well. I know you can get a stabbing pain when a cyst pops for sure. I don’t know if a luteal one could account for the days of nerve-ish pain you had.. ? Sounds possible?

    (I hate this secret inner life our bodies have, and want to live in the future when they’ll have body scanning machines on every corner where you can see what the feck is going on.)

    I get the itchies too. Maddening, eh. Taking flaxseed oil or similar is good for it, I find.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Have also put on pounds. Also one-woman itchy & scratchy show. Ovaries also seem to have conked out on me. Also angry and unreasonable and pissy. Whatever we’re taking, we need to stop it now.

    Fancy going halves on an ultrasound machine for Christmas?!

    And at my current rate of potty-mouth output, Harry’s first words WILL include ‘buggrit!’

    You’re having a rotten shitty time, sweetheart, and I’m so sorry for it. Hugs, as always.

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