Item – Funnily enough, if I sit on my arse for four weeks, indulging in the ice-cream-coma version of comfort-eating, I will put on four pounds. I should have tried harder not to look surprised when I found this out, it’s undignified.
Item – I haven’t ovulated yet. This is annoying me. It’s four weeks since the negative (really negative) Beta. I wonder if Satsuma has gone all lazy-arse PCOS on me again and could really be doing better, or if she’s behaving perfectly normally after all that hormonal upheaval.
Item – About two weeks ago Satsuma went mad and hurt in a manner ferocious for several days. The pinched-nerve, bloated pain ran into the small of my back and down my right leg. I hated it, and I hoped it was ovulation, and I sort-of ignored it because I was ignoring all my reproductive internal organs at that point on principle, traitorous little bastards that they are, and they weren’t even doing my *ahem* fertility signs *ahem* right. My basal body temperature was all over the place. I just felt weird. And then, quite suddenly, it stopped. Since then my basal body temperature has dropped and evened out and *ahem* fertility signs *ahem* are appearing in a consistent fashion. Now, wise and knowledgeable Readers, was this a luteal cyst popping? Because, back when things were starting to go wrong, Satsuma was the proud bearer of a ‘cystic mass’ which at least one medical professional opined might be a luteal cyst. They do interfere with one’s cycles, don’t they? And they do sometimes pop, rather painfully? So if it was one of those, I suppose ovulation would be delayed (or, more delayed than usual, Delay being the Chosen Way chez May).
Item – In any case, I am now completely paranoid that Satsuma has conked out on me and I will never ovulate again and that was my lot and a fucking lot of good my lot did me. Someone please take me by the shoulders and slap me until I stop laughing hysterically.
Item – By the way, why is my skin so dry? I am a one-woman Itchy-and-Scratchy show.
Item – I must stop biting my nails. I’ve made them bleed on numerous occasions these past few weeks. I’m not sure why I react to anxiety by eating everything in sight including my self, but I do, and it is both painful and fattening, and I should really cut it out.
Item – I am angry and unreasonable and pissy with, about and at absolutely everyone in the Universe. I manage to hold it together at work and then storm home muttering and swearing under my breath like Foul Ole Ron. Buggrit. Buggrem. Millennium hand and buggring shrimp.