Whatever shall we do?

To book an appointment with a specialist clinic, one has to tell one’s GP (or, possibly, one’s GP tells one instead) that one wishes to do so. The GP writes out a slip of paper, and one takes that to the receptionist, who takes it to the secretary, who allegedly will come right out and book you an appointment there and then, or (as has happened every time I’ve used the system) will not come out, and the receptionist will return and tell one to go home and wait for a phone-call, as the secretary is ‘a little busy right now.’

It took four days for the secretary to get back to my this time, one weekend short of my ‘this is the fucking limit‘ rule and subsequent seige of the GP’s offices until results, em, result. And, bless her heart, having established that I was me, said ‘I’m so sorry you need this clinic.’ Me too, sugar.

Anyway, I have an appointment to see the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic at Mothership Hospital on the 7th of December.

Now I was all, whoo! It’s only a month wait! Whoooo! H was more, wtf? A whole month? Bloody NHS. I insist on being pleased. The NHS is perfectly prepared to let people wait for ninety million weeks to have an actually painful and disruptive condition checked. Technically, I’m fine hanging about for a month unless (wahey) I get pregnant this cycle, which brings me to the next big freak-out:

Should I even be trying to get pregnant this cycle? Keeping in mind I always know exactly when I ovulate, so the whole ‘but then we won’t know the dates!’ is bull-pucky. At least, it is for me. And I didn’t have surgery, so I don’t have to worry my pretty head about healing. And I was less than five weeks pregnant, so I doubt my uterus was feeling much strain. I can’t think of a physical reason why I should carefully lay a naked blade down the length of the bed between us.

Emotional reasons? Well. Should I be risking another bleedathon right after this one? Wouldn’t it be more sensible to know what is wrong and why and what can be done about it before offering up more hostages to fortune? And will I snap like a dry twig if it happens again?

Also, I am 34 and beginning to feel the breeze from the onrushing juggernaut of Advanced Maternal Age. Also, I go completely nutzoid at Christmahanukwanzaa (what? Don’t all infertile people?).

Also also, despite the recent sudden realisation that I am quite good at getting pregnant as long as I actually ovulate, I still can’t help but feel that the chances of getting pregnant in any given cycle are somewhere between ‘ah hah hah hah hah hah’ and ‘snowball in hell’.

I never said I was rational about any of this.


12 responses to “Whatever shall we do?

  • MFA Mama

    Since you asked, I would say…well hell, I just don’t know. Physically I’d say if your Hemoglobin is okay then probably you could withstand it *physically* but…meh. Emotionally it’s fucking FRAUGHT. My best advice would be to decide which would drive you more insane in the long run, trying again now with the potential for another loss or waiting and feeling like you missed a chance? With you ovulating so seldom, in your shoes I think I personally would be inclined to go for it, but that’s me. What a pisser. In the end whatever you do will be the right choice for you and we’ll all be here wringing our hands and offering virtual chocolate and hugs for the duration 🙂

  • Ben Warsop

    My opinion, which is worth very little since I’ve never been close to any aspect of your situation, is to give yourself this cycle off if doing so will ease back on the emotional rollercoaster. The benefit is putative, but the potential cost is brutal. But that’s not necessarily advice that is applicable to you, it’s just a random opinion from an internet wierdo.

    Take care of yourself and lovely H.


  • Solnushka

    Thing is, if you _do_ ovulate again this month, it does look increasingly like you have got Satsuma right under the thumb, and on top of the optimistic prognosis you’ve now got on future egg sperm relations, you could possibly miss this cycle without quite the feeling of wasting a precious opportunity as previously?

    That said, I know I personally have a tendency to want to hedge my bets so safely that I never take any risks at all, so I’m always going to urge caution. It’s not always the most appropriate response.

    Difficult desicion. Hugs to you both.

  • Teuchter

    Difficult, difficult, difficult.

    Would it be possible to take yourself and H away somewhere, preferably somewhere sybaritic , where you don’t have to face all the Christmahanukwanzaa hoohah?

    Hugs to both.

    • May

      Ooh, fritillaries! I love fritillaries!

      I’d love to go do something sybaritic. Alas, we did that last year, and half-way through October all three sets of parents started haranguing us about spending Christmas with THEM, because we OWE THEM A CHRISTMAS.

      Never fear. I shall take to strong drink.

  • Womb For Improvement

    I agree getting an appointment for a months hence is startlingly quick.

    For the NHS.

    As for the wait or not. Difficult and a decision I wouldn’t like to make. Good luck with that.

  • g

    I’d shag.

    Because I just would.

    But I can see the arguments either way.

    It’s just that the statistical probability after two confirmed miscarriages is still a success. ANd that many recurrent loss workups reveal nothing to treat.

    Yes, I am a nerd.



  • Betty M

    One month is super quick and to be frank getting a private appt with one of the top m/c docs in London usually takes longer ditto with Mr v successful IVF.

    On trying v not. I have tended to say to hell with waiting but have never either really wanted to do the do and have never got pg again straightaway . In my why the hell can I only do it sans ivf in my 40s period the quickest it has happened was 2nd cycle post d&c this last time.

  • Pamela

    “Christmahanukwanzaa” …I must borrow this, but I will give you editorial credit.

    Wishing you well, May.

    oxoxox from California (well, in Michigan, actually for the weekend)

    • May

      I can’t take credit for Christmahanukwanzaa either. I’m sure I’ve seen it somewhere or other about the internets. And so I STOLE it.

  • Korechronicles

    Don’t feel at all qualified to proffer an opinion here. I’ve always been a risk taker, but only when they are my risks to take. It’s not something that I can advise anyone else at all to do. So I am going to go all new age on you and say just listen to your heart.

    Off to lie down in dark room now.

  • thalia

    Go ahead and try. I appreciate what you said re stats on today’s post, but you are morelikely to carry to term if you get pregnant as you are to have another loss. I got pregnant with Pob the cycle after an early miscarriage, and I had a lot more trouble getting pregnant than you, so for me it would always be worth a try! that is if you think you can stand the emotional issues.

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