I win. Damn.

Item – Since the momentous day I decided not to renew my Pill prescription, four years ago now (four! Four years! For fuck’s sake!), and start a determined assault on Castle Baby, I have had twelve ovulatory cycles. Twelve in four years. Pfft. However, of those twelve cycles, two (with an option on possibly three) ended in pregnancy – I use the word ended with all possible irony. Even I have to admit two (three) out of twelve is really not bad. It’s ‘statistically normal’, or possibly even slightly better than ‘statistically normal’. I win.

Item – I was so worried about the state of the One And Only Fallopian Tube. I have had two HSGs, and both times the radiologist mentioned it looked, well, borked, and both times Miss Consultant thought it looked OK, and I would wind myself into a frenzy about it. I think, now, with two intrauterine pregnancies (or, fuck-ups, as I prefer to call them when I’m in this mood), we can be sure the damn thing is not blocked. It may be leaking unspeakable fluids of toxic death into my uterus from the possible mild hydrosalpinx the radiologist kept seeing, but it’s not blocked or so damaged it stops eggs wafting along it in a timely fashion. So, I win.

Item – My mother came over for dinner last night. It was good. She seems to get it now. She did bring up the whole ‘so excited you can get pregnant!’ thing, but she followed it up by saying ‘because, after last time, I was so worried you wouldn’t be able to again.’ And looked sad. And my heart melted. I won that one, in the end, but sheesh, be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. (And apparantly, when Mum told Diva about the miscarriage, Diva cried. Oh God).

Item – I thought of another possible diagnosis that would explain both the miscarriages and the fact I bleed like stink during periods and bled so very, very ludicrously much for a less-than-five-weeks-gone loss. Von Willebrand’s disease, or a similar clotting factor deficiency. About one in a hundred women have it. It is hereditable, from one or both parents, and the mild version is sometimes not even noticed at all in men (though my Dad has a tendency to turn a small kitchen accident into a flailing blood-spraying-up-the-walls melodrama. Maybe he’s not actually being melodramatic? For once?). In women, it causes really, really heavy periods and pain on ovulation (from internal bleeding). And possibly an increased risk of early miscarriage. Of course, the GP ordered the blood tests for a clotting disorder, not a bleeding one. I was thinking about this, nodding along with the GP’s thinking, and I announced firmly to H that it’s not like I bruise easily or get nosebleeds much, and he looked at me as if I had suddenly declared I was a turquoise stoat and pointed out I do bruise easily and I get a damn nose-bleed every time I get a damn cold (only, they tend to come on at night and end up in my throat rather than down my face. Umm. That was disgusting, wasn’t it?). So I thought, indeed, why a clotting disorder? I am positively lavish with my blood. I catch a hang-nail and it bleeds for fifteen fucking minutes. Should we perhaps be looking in the opposite direction? What do you people think? Is this a win for self-diagnosis and Dr Google, or a fail for vapouring?

Item – At this very moment I am only being tested for the clotting disorders mentioned before. I’ve had my thyroid tested (twice) in the past, and both times it came back normal. My mother, however, who does have real official thyroid problems, got a little hacked off about this and pointed out there were several different things that needed to be tested to determine thyroid function, and they only found her issue by testing all of them, as the standard test comes back normal for her and frankly, her thyroid is visible across the sodding room. So I think I need a proper thyroid screen, clotting tests, bleeding tests, karyotyping for the both of us, FSH and LH tests, testosterone and SHBG tests, progesterone, estrogen, anything I’ve missed out? I shall have to print out a list and take it with me to the clinic. And this is a win, you know, because thanks to the wonders of blogging, I have internet friends who can tell me I need these tests. I have advocates.

Item – I’ve lost a few more pounds this week. I am thinner than I was when we married. I am thinner than I have been for seven or eight years. I am within a few pounds of BMI 29, and the green light to go ahead with IVF (this being a whole ‘nother post, you understand). It’s a fucker of a way to lose weight, though. Bit of a pyrrhic victory.

Item – I am watching movies and eating chocolate in my pyjamas, on a Thursday afternoon. This is totally a win.


23 responses to “I win. Damn.

  • betty m

    There is a quite useful list of tests on p.1 of here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=80433.0
    not sure it covers tests for Von whoosits which is a new one on me. But may give more ideas.
    I love item the last definitely a win.

  • a

    Here’s a link for the testing lab that I used, to give you an idea of the kind of testing that might be useful


    I’m glad you’re looking at the positives…

    Pajamas, chocolate, movies…sounds good.

  • Melissia

    You do need all of the clotting factors tested, for example, I have an excess of Factor 8, which is what hemophiliacs do not have enough of, I also have a inherited collagen defect.
    I would suggest all of the clotting factors as well as the genes for collagen defects as they can explain the bruising, the bleeding and the very heavy periods as well as the miscarriages.
    Both are now implicated in the stilllbirth of my daughter, although no cause was determined at the time. I took blood thinners for my other pregnancies due to a blood clot I developed. I believe, as does my doctor that it protected the fetus, as that is the recommend treatment, and I got very lucky to have the blood clot and end up on the correct treatment.
    You may find it useful to take a history from your family, much as a geneticist would. There may be very useful clues, like that about your dad bleeding so much, buried in the generations that you will see in all that history. I would pay special attention to each woman’s reproduction history as if this is an inherited problem you will see it in the family over and over again. I saw this in my family with issues with pregnancies with certain family members, and issues with bleeding and blood clots or surgeries complicated by blood clots.
    Please feel free to email me if I can help in any way or if you want to know the name or specific tests for collagen defects.
    I hope this helps and wasn’t just assvice, if so just ignore with my apologizes.

    • May

      Thank you, it’s definitely ADvice, and much appreciated. (My family health and reproductive history is also a whole ‘nother post…). So very sorry for your loss.

  • MFA Mama

    Did you get my e-mail? I know it was a huge overshare and you may have rolled your eyes and deleted it halfway through but yes, absolutely I think you should look into bleeding disorders, and even if the “usual” tests come back negative, do ask about the PAI-1 thing. If you’re just horribly affronted by my e-mailing you in the midst of tragedy and nattering on and want to pretend I kept my mouth shut that’s cool too. But do ask about your PAI-1 level and protein activity when you talk to someone about testing for bleeding issues. And yes, you can have a normal-ish TSH and still not have normal T3 and T4 levels or thyroid antibody, and they ought to do the “expanded thyroid panel” (at least that’s what it’s called here). I asked for years about my thyroid and was repeatedly assured I was just reading too much and overanalyzing my symptoms and family history, then saw a real endocrinologist who diagnosed me as pretty severely hypothyroid. He actually went so far as to say that hypothyroidism is a feminist issue (I know! I was Very Impressed!) in that doctors are dismissive of women of childbearing years who complain of fatigue, weight gain, etc. whereas men of the same age would get better treatment.

  • MFA Mama

    Oh and I have the collagen defect too. Didn’t you say you were rather bendy? Might be worth asking about although from what I understand it’s more likely to cause preterm birth than miscarriage (2 of my 3 were preterm but not horribly so).

    • May

      I’m not particularly bendy. I can touch my toes with my knees straight, but that’s about it.

      But am making huge reams of notes on all the other stuff, and I totally owe you an email. I’m just being a bit rubbish about email at the moment. Oops.

  • twangy

    I wish I could help. Unfortunately, you might as well be talking to a turquoise stoat when it comes to matters like blood disorders and whatnot.


  • Womb For Improvement

    I’ve hesitated to mention this in case it sounds too much like your Mum’s ‘so excited you can get pregnant!’ But, out of your twelve in four year periods haven’t the last few months been, gulp, regular? Do you think it is the acupuncture pricking your recalcitrant ovaries into shape? Could this account for things happening?

    • May

      Yes, it could. It’s quite… somethingorotherish, isn’t it? We shall see if Satsuma Does It Again next week, or if she’s gone into a massive sulk again (I wouldn’t blame her).

  • Ben Warsop

    The thing with the nosebleeds at night? You are right. That is disgusting. Auto-cannibalistic black pudding? Euch. Just promise me, PROMISE ME, that when the time comes no-one’s going to eat any placenta.


  • Solnushka

    But I hear it’s so good fried like liver.

  • H

    ooo simul-comments galore!

  • Korechronicles

    Used to like black pudding and liver with bacon and onions…that hippy-dippy placenta burial thingy has totally turned me off both. Till my senior blondeness takes over and I don’t remember these comments any more.

    Anyway, no use to you on the bloodclotting/bleeding front but totally agree with your mum as to a full thyroid panel. I have Hashimotos but my initial thyroid function tests all came back low but within normal range. So no Thyroxine for me, then.
    Fortunately found sensible doctor before my brain totally dissolved into fogginess and my skin resembled that of a dehydrated crocodile. Anyway, thyroid testing…get the lot.

    Am desperate for chocolate. Any chance of sharing? You win!!

  • Jane

    I will never look at a plate of liver and bacon in quite the same way again.

  • Katie

    If you get the clotting tests done and you have poorly clotting blood won’t they just come back “ultra low” not “ultra high”?

    (well done on the weight loss and hope your pyjama day was good!)

  • Jenn

    Good luck with all the testing. After my fourth miscarriage, they did the genetic counseling on both my husband and I, HSG, karyotyping, SA, and a ton of other things. The only thing they didn’t do was the clotting disorder one (why-who knows!). After my 5th miscarriage my new RE did the Thrombophillia panel, and it turns out that I had two copies of the MTHFR gene! With that you have about a 90% chance of miscarriage without treatment (duh! I’m a perfect example!). Check my blog for posts over the last few weeks, and there is more info (I literally just found out!)

%d bloggers like this: