Status report

First, a quick State-of-May report:

  • Uterus – has shut up. Is merely spotting. This is good.
  • Bladder – has also shut up, most of the time, but still thinks making me need to pee every seventeen minutes is funny.
  • Stomach – being walloped by the antibiotics (the antibiotics are for the UTI). Seriously, I get to feel sick for an hour or so every morning. Yes. I miscarried last week and I get to feel sick every morning this week. Because, you know, the universe has a very strange sense of humour.
  • Pallor – much improved, thank you. I just look tired and sulky now.
  • Emotional state – numb. Or furious. Mostly numb. Realised last night that we actually got pregnant all by ourselves, and all my fears and vapourings about never getting pregnant again after Pikaia were completely unfounded, and laughed the sort of laugh that is shortly followed by a thunderstorm, mysterious groans and lurchings about in the cellar, and fifty-odd villagers with pitch-forks turning up at the front door.

And now for the State-of-Play report:

H and I went to the GP yesterday, to get the referral to the Recurrent Miscarriage clinic, and to get a sick note, so I can stay at home and sulk for a bit. I took H along in case I got flustered and incoherent. We saw Doc Tashless, because I asked to, because it’s boring explaining all the past history over and over again and he has seen me often enough to have a vague grip on it all. Upshot:

  • When I mentioned perhaps taking the rest of the week off work, he promptly signed me off for two weeks. H mentioned that last time round I’d probably gone back to work a little too soon, and Doc Tashless promptly decided I’d need to see him again on the last day of my sick leave so he could be sure I didn’t need even more time off. Oy vey, but that’s being taken seriously.
  • I asked him to be perfectly open and put ‘miscarriage’ on the sick leave form. You see, sick leave taken for reasons of pregnancy or maternity cannot be added to your sick-leave total and used against you in disciplinary procedures, and I am off sick every sodding month as it is, so I thought, and H thought, my ass, covered, please. Not that I think anyone at work will make a fuss, but HR has an automatic sick-leave tracking system and gets your line manager to have words with you if you take more than a certain amount of time off in a year, and my line manager has already had to do this once. She was lovely about it, but nerves? Racked.
  • We discussed the recurrent nature of the situation, and I (hesitantly, feeling like a dork) mentioned the possible chemical in July, and he took that seriously too, which made me feel flustered and like a dork because, you know, no proof beyond a ‘funny feeling’ (incidentally, a funny feeling I had this time round, and Pikaia time round, eeeeeeek eeeek eeeeek eeeek, but I digress). I hunted down their website this morning and found out that the RM clinic takes referrals from couples who’ve had only two consecutive miscarriages, so I could’ve left the possible chemical buried in decent obscurity and not endorkified myself.
  • Doc Tashless decided we may as well get the ball rolling, as the referral could take a couple of months, and sent me directly to the phlebotomy nurse to collect what little remains of my blood for examination of my Antiphospholipid Antibodies, Cardiolipin Antibodies, and I think the paperwork said something about Lupus as well. In the event the needle-jockey only took one vial, so either they don’t need much for each test or they’re all the same test or the needle-jockey can’t read Doc Tashless’s handwriting.
  • It made me quite sad and cross that I recognise the above terms, and have heard of Hughes syndrome, without Doc Tashless having to explain a word of it. But, hey, if that is it, it is treatable.
  • I’m always impressed when someone, anyone, remembers to ask how H is doing as well. Because, yes, I may be the one leaking tears and snot into this wad of blue paper ripped hurridly off the roll normally used for protecting the examination couch, but H also lost a baby. And had to deal with a sobbing, vomiting, haemorrhaging emergency wife. Which was no picnic. I’d’ve hated it and freaked the fuck out when it was all over, had the roles been reversed.

Conclusion – I now am, and for some time shall be, sitting about at home, ‘resting’, and being kindly distracted by friendly visits, emails, and phone-calls. H went back to work this morning, so hopefully was keeping busy there. We are waiting for a date from the RM clinic. We are waiting for the results of Doc Tashless’s blood tests.

I still feel mostly numb.


14 responses to “Status report

  • jodie38

    Holy crap – I missed all this. Just back from vacation, and Oh. My. God. I’m so, so sorry you guys went through such an ordeal. Very glad you’re feeling (physically) better. I hope the RPL workup gives you some answers, I would say you’ve most decidedly earned them, my dear. You two hang in there – I found that chocolate and ice cream help tremendously….

  • MFA Mama

    Well I’m glad that the appointment with Dr. Tashless went well! I think he is covering all possible bases from his end of things, and am pleased he wasn’t dismissive or ignorant or anything else that would’ve been awful (I’ve heard horror stories about doctors and their handling of this sort of thing). I think two weeks of leave sounds like a good idea; you’ve been through quite an ordeal and could probably use the rest (not to mention the time to wrap your mind around all of the recent happenings). Here’s hoping the diagnostics unearth something concrete and treatable! Shit, May, I wish I could be happy for you for HAPPIER reasons than sympathetic and competent medical care and hoping for better things on your behalf than a diagnosis. This truly does suck, and I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time.

  • Martin

    My gut says the coming days will bring their own problems (how doom & gloom is THAT?)

    But I mean, when the dust settles etc, it’s always hard.

    Mind yourself.

  • Heather

    And here is where we find another irony. I don’t want anything to be wrong but I want you to have answers at the same time. If that makes sense?

    Thinking of you guys.

  • Betty M

    That would be the Lupus anticoagulant test – entirely misnamed as has zero to do with either Lupus the disease and isn’t an anticoagulant either. This subject drives me wild on the average IF message board as people entirely fail to understand that Hughes and lupus dont always co-exist and in fact usually dont. The Hughes syndrome foundation has a great website. If you do turn out to test positive for either aCL or LA get another test in 6 weeks as false positives are not uncommon. I tend to test positive in one test in every other year – I keep getting tested as I have lupus and rec m/c and a bunch of the other poss indicators of Hughes but as far as they can tell not Hughes. I have been on low dose aspirin forever as a precaution.

    Anyhoo glad Tashless has done the decent thing and that you and H are improved in the physical arena if still understandably numb.

  • QoB

    That all sounds….I hesitate to use the word ‘good’, but like you and H are being listened to and supported and all of that jazz.

    I hope you get the test results and appointment times promptly.

  • a

    Testing makes us feel like we’re accomplishing something, anyway, doesn’t it? I hope the bloodwork will provide some answers.

    I also hope you and H will take care of yourselves.

  • Katie

    AT LEAST two weeks. I had 4 the first time, a week with nos 2 and 3 (but they were earlier than you I think) and 5 the last time. And then the GP was going to see if I needed more time.

  • g

    I’m assuming your GP also covered the easy blood tests like the rest of a thrombophilia screen and your thyrpid function.

    The clinic will probably also want some sort of uterine imagine to r/o structural causes +/- a karyotype of yourself and H, and a few other things.

    I’m so sorry this happened May, and that all your tests come back normal. Even though that means you’ve had shitty luck x 2.



  • twangy

    Well. Good on Dr. T. Hoping for best for your tests.
    Yes, I did/do feel awful for H. Very traumatic for him, too.
    Take good care of yourselves.

  • Korechronicles

    Also been vacationing in the wilds, sans computer and internet and missed all the…well, excitement isn’t the right word…craptacular events Chez May. Sending you both belated good thoughts and wishing you better days ahead.

  • Jane

    Good idea taking as much time off as you can. Sometimes I think the hormones can start going bananas when you least expect them to, so staying at home and wrapping yourself in cotton wool (or nice fleecy blankies!) is the way to go for the time being.

    I would also ask about karyotype testing. I know that’s the first thing they tested John and me for when we started the RM investigations.

    Take care of yourself and H x

  • Meg

    I hope you have a very relaxing time off and that testing goes well! Sending good wishes your way!

  • I don’t know, what? « Nuts in May

    […] I had gone to get my blood test results. And I got a result. Singular. I thought Doc Tashless had asked for tests on antiphospholipid antibodies, cardiolipin antibodies an…, but all I got back was my Anti-cardiolipin antibody level. Apparently it’s under 10 iu/mL, […]

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