Does this sound lunatic to you?

So, a few days before I knew I was pregnant (hah! Pregnant, indeed), I called my sister Trouble about my niece Minx’s upcoming 6th birthday. Was there a party? Was there a plan? And Trouble thought it would be nice for us all (i.e. Minx, her daddy Formerly-Known-As-Fucktard-With-An-Option-On-The-Nickname-Being-Reinstated-If-He-Doesn’t-Grow-A-Pair-Sharpish, Trouble, Diva, my brother-who-doesn’t-have-a-stupid-nickname-because-he’s-too-nice, my Mum, my step-father, Minx’s bestest friend, bestest friend’s parent, H and I) to all go to a sushi bar and then to see ‘Up‘.

(Yes, I did say Minx was turning six, but seriously, the little eccentric adores sushi with the same fervent passion her mother and aunts do).

I thought it was a lovely idea. H and I both wanted to see the film, family outings with raw fish emporia in them are good (we always behave better in public. Like most toddlers, really). And, secretly, I was hoping that the famous opening sequence, which is about infertility (infertility! Dealt with sensitively and In a kids’ cartoon! I know! I was so pleased!) would perhaps assist some of the more relentlessly clueless family members to, umm, get a clue. Or possibly not, but it’s harder for them to argue I am making a fuss if the almighty Pixar thinks I most certainly am not.

And then… And then. Yes. Arse.

I was all prepared to pull out, because a) I am tired and sore and still a little feverish, b) there is a good chance I will bawl hysterically during the movie, c) the six-year-old’s birthday treat is, um, not a good place for bawling aunties and d), well. Family. Duh.

Anyway, I did some pre-emptive ground-laying by calling my mother and just right-out telling her what had happened (novel tactics!). To her credit, or, possibly, to my credit, I did not feel the violent urge to reach down the phone and rip her a new one. We’ve both learned. She has learned not to be such a colossally insensitive runaway juggernaut of Stupid Things To Say. I have learned that I won’t get much support and understanding from her. Love, concern, generosity, gifts, hugs, and mothering, yes. But she had three easy, easily-come-by pregnancies, three full-term easy labours. She does not get it. And, I suppose, never will. (My MIL, on the other hand, burst into tears when H told her the news. But then, she lost a baby between H and his younger brother, so. Poor MIL).

Mum’s one stupid remark of the conversation, just to prove she hadn’t completely lost the knack: ‘I know it’s hard for you, but it’s actually quite exciting that you can get pregnant!’

Err. No. Not if they keep dying.

But at least she acknowledged it was hard for me.

Anyway, there I was, all braced to back out, when Trouble called to finalise plans. And I realised Mum had not shared the news with her at all (WTF? My family normally elevate gossip to a vocation). So I did. And, to my shock, my absolute shock, Trouble said all the right things. She said she was sorry. She said that it sucked. She said that she understood if I couldn’t face family and movie. She asked anxiously if I was OK now, and recovering. She asked how H was doing. She sympathised about all the rushing in and out of hospital. She laughed at my jokes, especially the one about having mastered getting pregnant, so, now, how did staying pregnant go? And we talked about my mother’s relentless jollity in the face of disaster, with daughterly wry amusement.

So, you know, I thought I might go after all. Especially when Trouble said we could hold hands and bawl at the first part of the movie together.

12 responses to “Does this sound lunatic to you?

  • Nina

    Nope, not in the least. I missed Thanksgiving Dinner after my loss. I couldn’t go and see my new nephew with my whole family present. Take your time, sweetheart.

  • Womb For Improvement

    My sisters have massively supportive over the past three years, and have developed well honed tear mopping skills, good to hear you’ve got a similar support system.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    I’d go and bawl. I don’t have a sister, so I’m treading imaginary ground here, but family bonding sounds nice, despite potential for the odd bit of brick-dropping-on-sore-empty-uterus-ness.

    Exciting, hmmm? Yeeeeeess. Blue flashing lights deffo exciting.

  • a

    Sometimes family can be surprisingly supportive. Glad yours is coming through for you today.

  • Kim

    Maybe trouble is going to turn into your trouble helper? Sounds like they are coming around, may well actually be a support to you??? Bawl away, I sure did!

  • Katie

    Mothers. Gah. Still wondering if we can wait and see if mine notices there’s a new baby at home before we tell her we’re adopting.

    Sounds like your sister has at least a bit of a clue, and yay for your niece liking sushi! Mine is about to turn 6 and likes Pink Bags apparently. Oops – the yarn I already had to knit her one is red – never mind, eh?

    (and thanks for your sweet comments, very much appreciated).

  • bkwyrm

    Parents can be so ODD about their offsprings’ reproduction.
    I hope Up is decently soul-uplifting and that the sushi is good.

  • Solnushka

    Yay! Go Trouble. That must have been a bit of a relief.

  • Teuchter

    Really great to hear they’re being more usefully supportive.

  • twangy

    That scene is very well handled, it’s subtle and quiet and doesn’t labour the point. And it’s not too long, either. So maybe it could be good.. if you feel you are up to it.
    (Groan. Sorry).

  • Jane

    I’m glad your sister came through for you. Sorry about your Mum’s one clanger. In fairness, I think that one gets rolled out for every miscarriage, but it doesn’t make it any the less irritating?

    Did you go to the birthday celebrations in the end? Hope you’re doing ok x

  • Minawolf

    Wow. Your sister sounds awesome. Go hold hands with her. I’m sure she wants to be there for you as much as you probably could use her support.

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