Item – Lookee here, I actually went and ovulated again. On Wednesday. Really! Satsuma suddenly leapt up, shouted ‘let’s do the show right here!’ and promptly ripped me a new one from the inside, or whatever the hell it was she was doing, because, ow. I have now ovulated about a dozen times in toto, and that is what she does. Ow ow ow ow OW OW OW ARSE FECK OW. And relax. Don’t tell Satsuma this, but actually I quite like that she does that hurty-like-fuck thing. It’s pretty unmistakable, and it’s so nice to know these things for sure. Anyway, way to go, Satsuma!
Item – And then I did some counting, and my period is due the day before I am to pile my great corse into a cheap bucket airline Fokker and strap it in a seat for hours and hours. Days two and three are my worstest, bloodiest, hurtiest days. On a plane, on a train, in a taxi, in the rain, let’s all surf the scarlet flash flood to the Chalet of Terror and impress our In-Laws with our pale green puking collapse routine. Seriously, WAY TO GO, Satsuma.
Item – Wednesday was also ‘we will burn you’ day at the acupuncturist’s. Nice Earrings put about a dozen needles in my belly, in two long horizontal rows, and put pinches of moxa on the ends. She lit them in sets of three or four, but, anticlimactically, I didn’t really feel either the needles going in or the warmth from the burning. It was quite relaxing. It was… dull. Ah, well. She revenged herself by stabbing me repeatedly – and, oh, yes, I felt those – in the wrist and hand. Something worked, I would guess, in that Satsuma did her thang that night. So, way to go, Nice Earrings.
Item – We are moving the stock around at the library, which is hard, sweaty, dusty work. Today, I put on my scruffiest clothes, what with the dust/sweat nexus. But I forgot just how far down my scruffy cargo trousers slide when I am scrambling on and off book-ladders and crouching on the ground, and so I have this day shown a great many colleagues a strip of purple lace across the small of my back which was unmistakably knickerish in origin. Also, my tee-shirt is baggy and has a wide neckline. Some very lucky colleagues also got an eyeful of lacy bra-strap when I bent over. Class. Way to go, May.
Item – Did I mention I was bored? So, I bit all my nails off, danced up and down on the spot for days, had a little weepy moment, and signed my soul away to do a Creative Writing course with the Open University. Yeah, bury the lead. Way to go, May.