So, being me, and being a lucky lucky super-special snowflake, I have two (2) chronic, intermittent, extremely-painful-and-debilitating-when-they-happen conditions. One is socially acceptable and gets me quite a lot of sympathy, even from Alpha Boss, who thinks sympathy weakens the spine. The other, err, isn’t and doesn’t.
Are you all with me?
Well done. Yes, the first is migraines; the second is painful heavy periods, or, dysmenorrhea and menorrhagia (or, Cinderella’s Meany Sisters).
Hurray for migraines! I infinitely prefer them to my periods (not all migraneurs/menstruators are the same, your mileage may vary). I do get the full-on classic aura, complete with sparkling lights, dizziness, partial loss of field of vision, minor hallucinations, photophobia, phonophobia and slurred speech (makes getting home from work a real fair-ground challenge), but it usually wears off in an hour or so. And the headache, while it lasts, may be ARGH ARGH ARGH MY HEAD I’M DYING, but it only lasts a few hours (like I said, your mileage may vary. I know I’m lucky). I can count the migraines that have lasted longer than 12 hours on the fingers of one finger (and I think that it was really two-in-a-row, as I fell asleep and then had a sort of aura all over again in the middle. Normally, falling asleep is good, because when I wake up it’s over).
The period thing, well, you all know about the period thing now.
Anyway, I missed two-and-a-bit days of work last week, and naturally my colleagues are curious. I left work on that Tuesday afternoon saying I felt ill, in a non-specific sort of way, and as I usually manage an attractive ashes-and-pond-weed coloration at these times, I was bustled out of the building with much solicitude. On my return, Friday, I discovered that everyone was under the impression I had had a killer migraine. I suppose because they are the usual thing that have me going a strange colour and rushing out into the street.
So far, I have been letting them think that.
I am stricken with a sense of law-breaking anxst, though, at the thought that I have therefore lied to HR and to Alpha Boss.
But explaining the lie, especially to Alpha Boss, who I have to sit facing every day, ugh.
Also, Alpha Boss knows bloody well that some of my afflictions are menstrual. The fact that she insists on presuming all afflicted episodes are migraines rather than full-on uterine rebellion means, well, what, exactly? That she doesn’t want to know about anything awful in the Embarrassing Zone? That she’s pretending she thinks it’s migraine to spare me having to explain things that might fluster me? That she’s forgotten about the bad periods thing? That she simply doesn’t believe a period could make a woman that bloody ill?
If Satsuma has got some sort of a grip, bless her (she’s going twingle ping as we speak, stupid little gonad. It’s day eight), then I will be missing a lot more work. Under said circumstances, should I be sending HR and Alpha Boss a note saying: ‘Umm, yes, well, I can give you nearly two weeks’ notice of every time I’m going to be taking two days off. Would that help?’