To be perfectly honest…

…I am very very grouchy. Yes. I am. Rrrrrrrah. Last weekend, my good pal E gave me a tee-shirt that says ‘I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. (Tomorrow does not look good either).’ I think he meant it kindly and sincerely, rather than amusingly. But kindly and sincerely towards my coworkers.

I promise I have not snarled at any of my coworkers.

Not even the one who talked in a high-pitched squeal for twenty-seven minutes about the noise of the drilling from the office renovations and how distressing it was and how she couldn’t possibly stand it a moment longer, keeping in mind that the drilling had stopped thirty-seven minutes beforehand.

Or the one who told me five times that he would do the afternoon shift and then went off for a prolonged lunch.

I didn’t even snarl at World’s Most Annoying Colleague, but that was mostly because he had the day off.

Also, my mother wants to know how the acupuncture is going (answer, ummm, have had one (1) session. It was… acupunctury). I think it’s code for ‘are you pregnant? Are you? Are you? Are you?’ (answer, how the hell should I know?).

In September, we’re going on holiday with my mother, and her husband, and H’s parents (I saw that look on your face. I know. We’ll discuss it in a minute). H’s parents and my mother have already started cheerfully telling each other our flight times – ah, we hadn’t booked a flight at that point, so, FAIL? – and making plans based around said purely imaginary flight times, and now everything is 72 times more complicated than it needs to be.

Yes, I did say H and I and both sets of in-laws are all going on holiday together for a week. In the Alps. In September. Where, no doubt, it’ll rain torrentially and by the way, I can’t speak a word of German and I have an unfortunate control-freak issue about visiting places I can’t communicate in (this currently includes the canteen at work). I really, really, do not understand how or why H and I are doing this. First it was all, do you two want to borrow the Alpine chalet for a week? Yes? Then it was, and MIL and FIL would like to borrow it too! Won’t it be nice if you go there together! And I think I said that yes, in principle, it was a sweet idea, in a ‘but never mind, for it will not come to fruition’ way, which was careless of me, for then I am being told, told, mind you, not asked, that we’re playing Happy Swiss Family In-Laws, because my mother and Co. will be coming along too, after all, it’s their chalet.

H thinks this is a nice idea. May thinks H has lost his mind. H thinks May is being a sour-puss.

And they all like playing Charades. I think I may have to break both my legs.

Ehhhh, second week of the two week wait. How tirelessly it goes on making mountains out of, well, mountains.


13 responses to “To be perfectly honest…

  • a

    Contemplating a week of vacation with family would make me grouchy too. H is clearly naive. You’ll survive! I hope your second week goes quickly to a delightful end.

  • Womb For Improvement

    Jesus! My in-laws have met my Dad twice. The night before the wedding and the wedding. The idea of a happy family jamboree would make me long wistfully for inept work colleagues instead. Best of luck.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    Oh My Fucking God.

    That is all!

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    That’s not all, actually, I simply have to come back and have another gasp of OH MY FUCKING GOD at the horror, THE HORROR, that is parents and in-laws together. My mother invited my in-laws over to lunch at the family home whilst the Dreadful Americans were here, and I flipped my lid in quite spectacular fashion. (Which, in truth, means that I muttered at my father, my mother and my husband about Poor Decisions).

    I’m with Liz: I think I’d take the annoying co-workers in preference. And, because I love you very dearly, if you require it, I will break your legs for you as scientifically and as painlessly as possible in order to get you out of Charades.

  • Nina

    Break your legs, contract the Ebola virus (bubonic plague works well, I’ve heard), and, I don’t know, have something lasered. ANYthing. Dear God.

  • Secret D

    OMG! I am definitely with the others.

    I spend many hours ensuring that my in-laws and my parents don’t meet. For some very strange reasons my in-laws are obsessed with socialising with my parents but I think that it is just ODD, ODD, ODD and will happen OVER MY DEAD BODY. Which is probably the only time they will be in the same room.

  • Minawolf

    First of all, let me say I have the SAME t-shirt. Of course, I bought it for myself…

    I’m on week one of the TWW, let’s hope we both get lucky this month!

  • Aphra Behn

    No. Don’t do it. Just don’t go. There’s no reason for your parents and H’s parents not to go and make like Iris Murdoch or Agatha Christie as the mood takes them. Or the Hotel du Lac woman.

    But let them do it without you.

    Develop and allergy to snow, or a new MSc, or a promotion at work or lose your passport, or come over all ethical about flying (that’s my personal favourite – it’s irritates other people even more than sanctimonious vegetarianism) but do or say anything to get yourself off the hook.

    I’ll hold your legs while Mrs Hairy breaks them, if that’s what it takes.

    Anita Brookner. That’s who I meant. Though they’d be livelier than that.

  • Solnushka

    Also, they will all four be out of the country and you and S won’t. I assume S would stay and look after your legs.

  • Illanare

    I admire your courage, I really do. I couldn’t do it, much as I love my parents and my “in-laws”, I just could not do it.

    Well, not without Duty Free gin and a straw.

  • Betty M

    Nooo – I would rather never have a holiday ever than one with my in laws. And the whole Swiss Alpine chalet thing can be so lovely too – couldn’t you just accidentally get tickets for the next week?

  • Katie

    If you haven’t yet booked your flights, I’m sure every flight to Switzerland is now full. Very full.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    I am now 9 or so days behind you on the Gold Cup Ovulation Stakes, although it will deliberately not be a 2ww for me. Wrong side, you ken.

    SATSUMA WON ONE! She beat me!

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