I wouldn’t say I was disappointed. More, crushed.

I woke up this morning feeling crampy and disgruntled. I went to the loo, and lo, there was blood.

I spent the day at work feeling spaced out on naproxen sodium, still in a bit of pain (which is fucking annoying, by the way, no matter how many times the Positive Thinking Fairy points out that it’s a lot better than being in a lot of pain), vague, distracted, clumsy, spilt tea down my leg, pinched my thumb in the window-frame, fell off the step-ladder while shelving books (caught self on shelves, which swayed and creaked alarmingly, but luckily all the books that fell off fell off on the other side of the stacks), stared at computer screen for hours, no doubt with mouth hanging open and thin trail of drool making its way to the point of the chin. Menstruating is a seriously flawed and unpleasant business. Intelligent design my dimpled arse.

So. On to cycle whatevertheheythisis – hang on, I’ll check – it’s the 20th since I first stopped taking the pill nearly 4 years ago. Keeping in mind that exactly half of those cycles have been ovulatory. Yes. In four years, I have ovulated ten times. And then we wonder why I can’t get pregnant. Well, I did get pregnant, so, you know, once in ten cycles would be normal if I ovulated ten times a freaking year like real human beings do.

H and I are both feeling a tad frustrated today. By tad, of course, I mean ‘astronomically’. Nearly four years, this has taken. And what with ovulations being so few and far between, getting my period is pretty much like getting tipped back into the Abyss. Will we find ovulation island again? Who can say. Is there a bottom or even a side to this abyss? Again, who can say. Carry on doggy-paddling.


10 responses to “I wouldn’t say I was disappointed. More, crushed.

  • demara

    Not been on the pill since 1998.

    I experience the same horrific period mess!

    Not sure I ovulate

    Not sure my husband has sperm

    But we try once n awhile

    And I cry when I see blood everytime now 😦

    Why do the infertile get their frickin periods? What’s the point?!?! Just to feel like we’re going in labor every month? The pain with no joy to follow to hold?!?!

    But on the otherhand we do have more time on our hands to do anything we want don’t we? We can even treat our husbands like our babies once n awhile too! How glorious 😛
    Hope this get more happy for you!!!

    Stupid period is for kids! Or crying…

  • Rita

    I’m leaving the blogosphere – but I”ll check in on you. I know those feelings. I had 9 years of disappointment. Hang on.

  • MsPrufrock

    Oh my god, our stupid fucking bodies. What a constant let down. I’m sorry May.

  • Hairy Farmer Family

    There’s nothing like a few days of staring at a determinedly empty peestick followed by the crampy red tide to create a very fine blend of misery indeed. So sorry, honey.

  • Jane

    Don’t think I can add one single helpful comment …but if it were a case of stubborn determination, sharp humour and insightful thinking you would be there…..Sorry probably doesn’t even scratch the surface x

  • geohde

    Feck. Also, kind of snap.


  • Korechronicles

    Sending sympathetic murmurings your way. Sorry for the crap on a stick that seems to be constantly coming your way.

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